Mexican Restaurant Cantina

It wasn't either of our birthdays yesterday, but we had a party for Gary anyways. The theme was Mexican Restaurant Cantina. Mexican food and margarita's. Very simple. Very enjoyable.



Before the party we went real estate stalking. I visited with various westside horse residents, basically trying to pass along the info that if anyone in your neighborhood seems to be dying and would need to sell their house and property could you call me? It's pretty pathetic. The dogs stay huddled in the car, ready to lunge out of their crate and attack if need be. We visited one lady with a goldmine of an old place, she is a savvy real estate investor and owns half of the westside. She'd never sell her place. She wears big boots with her cordoroy pants tucked in, and even though it was a hot sunny day had a giant knit cap with some kind of lettering pulled down over almost all her head. She has bunches of horses hidden back there. I gave her my card, we chatted horses for a while. You never know.

We just kept driving down rural driveways, finding all these hidden spots that are now multi million dollar real estate deals, if they ever went for sale. Meanwhile the team lays around on the patio, just waiting for me to buy them their ranch.

Because of the party, I didn't take them out to run last night. They irritated party guests all night and when i got up at 4 am with spreadsheet induced insomnia they came out to the office to pace around with me. When I finally got them down to the beach this morning, even Timmy ran like a racehorse. The small dogs just ran amuck til they tired out. It is not ok to ever let the team go a day without a hard run. I pay for it. I am not sure how much party food they stole last night, especially from small child party guests. It is embarassing to have bad dogs.

Dance Dancer Revolution

The other night we were down at the Boardwalk, we rode our bikes there to see the pathetic, patched together version of the English Beat. The last time I had seen them was in high school and I think I was wearing checkered vans and used a fake id to get into the club. We watched them for about 5 minutes.

What was way better was the Dance Dancer Revolution game in the arcade. I hadn't seen it in a while. I used to go when they first installed it, I think I only had Timmy then so that was a while ago. It used to be right in the front by the street, now it's in the very back where there's a little more space. Because the really good dance dancers that use it need the space! They have tricks that they climb up on the machine, flip backwards over the back bars, swing around them, very creative use of a video game! I would like to be able to teach the team a Dance Dance routine but I am not sure how to go about this. I need Dance Dancer Revolution at my house! I think this is something we could have used on the ranch. Damn those ranch stealers.

I tried to go one whole day without exersizing the team. That didn't work. I had small dogs flipping off the woodwork by last night. Maia the architect was over and there were small dogs running amuck the whole time. If I could get Ruby and Otterpop to do that, in unision on the Dance Dance game, they would be the mega stars of the Dance Dancer Revolution world! Because bouncing on the colors is very important. I don't think they would figure out how to watch the arrows on the screen, I think a chimp could but they are dogs. I would have to interpret it myself for them. Sort of like interpretive dance.

Foal Delivery Service

At work yesterday I had to manage the birth of a foal. It was a colt! This is not something I normally do as a job description but at my current barn that I work out of, it is. Luckily it wasn't that hard because it was an easy birth. The team had to stay up in my office in their crate. They were not invited.

Other events they were not invited to-seeing a sad, old version of the English Beat play at the Boardwalk. It is a different universe down there at night, and only 5 minutes from my house. How did the team protest their lack of invitation? Howling like fiends as we rode our bikes away.

Jon Katz writes about dogs. I just read his book "The Dogs of Bedlam Farm". It's really good, not a typical DOG book. He describes ride-along dogs and working dogs. Timmy is a ride-along dog. He enjoys going places quietly, riding along in the car, walking around nicely on a leash. Being well behaved! He used to teach at Calarts and go to offices with me when I had my horse hiatus as a fancy pants graphic designer. Ruby and Otterpop are not ride along dogs! They stay locked in the crate in the car because they do not sit still. They need to be doing things. Chasing the ball. Tugging on the snowman. Running amuck. Doing the dog agility! it is important to have both kinds of dogs. Ruby enjoys working on rodent extermination, Otterpop I think would enjoy bossing cattle or perhaps donkeys around. She is possibly the tiniest, most chihuahua herding dog available.

Fashion's Hottest Accessory

So Project Runway last night was designing matching outfits for the model and the dog. Tim Gunn presented the dogs ala New York Dogwalker, coming over the hill in Central Park like a vision, with 13 tiny dogs ranging from yorkie to corgie, proclaiming small dogs Fashion's Hottest Accessory!! Also this happened on my birthday! Happy Birthday to me, thank you Project Runway.

The hoodie girl got kicked off, that was a little sad. They kept the hippie bloomer girl on just for torture effect.

I celebrated my birthday watching the end of Fashion's Hottest Accessory episode after agility night and work. No one except Gary knew it was my birthday. My mom and dad did, and my sister, and Brody and Debbie actually. Ok they called and or sent gifts. But no one hired a mariachi band for my surprise party! Why? This is team small dog after all!

We are having a 50th birthday party for Gary on Sunday, but that doesn't count and all he does is complain. Note to self, when someone is throwing you a fun party one does not complain one is Very excited counting down the minutes to the party! Also it can be Ruby's birthday, I think she is 6 years old as of yesterday as well. I sang her happy birthday and she was very, very fast at dog agility. She would not have been a good design muse for the Fashion's Hottest Accessory episode.

Wild Turkey

Last night we threw the team in the backseat of Gary's volvo. Some team members are not spazzes when sitting in a car, like Timmy. Some team members, like Otterpop, are used to being locked in a crate at all times in a car, in which case they sleep quietly, not loose on a back seat. Otterpop is like a little bundle of jumping, climbing megatrons and spends a car ride loose in the seat flying around back there, trying to get up front, on Timmy, on the floor. Ruby just stands on the center console, motionless, like a car mascot.

We took them to view a couple other ranch possibilities, which were not possibilities. Way up in the mountains, where the dogs are all huskies chained to trees and shepherds running out at the road and the folks meandering about on their properties just seem to be folk that may not want me as a neighbor. Also many, many dark, dank trees everywhere, which some people enjoy but freak me out. Way up in the land of the wild turkeys, that come swooping out of trees making weird sounds and running near the car. We did find one abandoned shell of a tree house, a big house but up in trees, with old tattered curtains still in the windows, like the ghost skeleton ship. It was wedged in the redwoods, on top of a landslide, the color of moss.

This is not where we would like the ranch! Maybe for Amy who needs constant sources of animal pelts and enjoys guns very much.


amy taxidermies many rats

Skorts

Well first off, we lost the ranch. Someone paid $200,000 over the asking price for it. The team is in mourning. This is how people buy houses here. We have not gotten the memo on how to do it right apparently.

Although they weren't sad enough to not win all their classes at the Dog Show on Sunday! It was a CPE show, which stands for Canine Performance Events. It is an easier venue than the USDAA aka, fancy pants hardcore agility that we try to win in. We like CPE very much because we sometimes win blue ribbons in many classes! It was freakishly hot out, the global warming heatwave also coincided with the Dog Show. But the dogs sat in their little crate in the shade with a little fan on them and jumped in little bath tubs every so often then ran around we all had a plenty good time. Otterpop did not bark at any judges, and Ruby did not freak out on any starts. Being not of hugely competitive spirit, I only entered the earlier classes which let me leave at the early time of 2ish in the afternoon. Lateish at a dog show means more like 7pm.

Also I did not wear my skort. But I am wearing it now. I am a little worried this may send me to hell but it could be a practical way to have skirts in dog agility? I am wearing it with a Black Flag tshirt. If that counts. I may be making a huge error. We'll see. Does it count if I am in mourning for the ranch, then I can wear a skort?


sitting in fan cooled team color crate in 100 degree heat!

What if there was a sporty assignment on Project Runway involving skorts? Maybe that would make them ok? It's not like I really want to wear skorts exactly but they seem like something that could be practical for dog agility and not be shorts? Like I have a weird perverse attraction to the skort that I don't yet understand. Like fleece? I have some fleece now. Does this have to do with being over 40 now?

Real Estate is Neat!

So you may ask, how is that cool ranch coming? Are you going to buy it for the Team? That's gonna be swell.

Well, we got countered today by the estate of the seller. Being countered is kind of like being shot. Or maimed. Or stabbed.

They countered us at $200,000 over our nice, neat offer of the asking price. Yep, 200,000 clams. Smackeroos. Big ones. 200 K.

Isn't that a lot you might ask? Why yes, I would reply. Indeed it is.

But where else will the Team run around? Where are all the horses going to live? Wasn't this your dream house/ranch/field? You might ask.

Yep.

Do you have 200,000 extra bones, dollars, pesos, euros, around?

Um, nope.

Malan Deleted

Malan, who had the evil vampire butler voice and suits, was deleted from Project Runway last nite. i wanted him to stay on because he has the best voice. He cried and said he felt ashamed. Lots of things make me cry and feel ashamed, and he also said he has no friends! Poor Malan.

I only saw the last part because agility nite is also on Wednesdays, and I was lugging heavy, dirty stuff around in the dark while it was starting.

I had to run agility and teach it with my phone in my pocket, waiting to hear if we got our ranch. As of Thursday am, I still don't know. I've already explained to the dogs and horses we are moving there soon so we are all going to be crushed if we don't. I don't know if I'll feel ashamed, but I will be crying. I think I will feel just like I've been auf weiderseigned off of PR. I don't think I could take it if Heidi Klum had to call me to tell me they sold the ranch to some other asshole. Someone like the stylish perfect mom from New York city with the uber style clothes. If she ends up getting the ranch instead of me, I don't know what I'll do,

Good Idea

Project Runway is the best tv idea there has been. In a seperate category from Deadwood and Six Feet Under of course. And now it is finally famous. People watch it. There are many media stories about it. There is going to be a villian! (Malan? Jacob Dylanesque guy? Neck tattoo guy? Stylish fancy uber-mom?) It is on dog agility night but we'll work with it.

Of course the new Ranch is a farther drive from all things dog agility, but this is a microscopic price to pay. The drive is a little scarey for a moment during the winding through the dark forest part of it but I think I can work with that. I think we are going to have to get a big dog to go with all the small dogs for walking through the forest. Due to things that can get you in the forest. I am not sure if any of the project runway contestants walk through forests? It is hard to be a fashion designer and live on a ranch. It is a long drive to the fabric store. About 1 hour 45 minutes to San Francisco from our ranch.

But I am not worried! I am too tired to be on project runway. Also I cannot sew so I don't know what I'm worried about. What if there was dog agility for artists project runway? Where you would have to build a dog agility course that looked great out of tin cans , bottles, taxidermy blanks and cement then handle your dog over a Tim Gunn designed Masters Course by 10am the next day in front of judges Susan Garrett, Isaac Mizrahi, Greg Louganis (he does dog agility with Jack Russells and usually wins when I run against him, I am afraid of him because he gave me the stink eye really bad once when Ruby wanted to play with his perfectly sit staying dog) and Alma Garret of Deadwood!

Agility Hot!

We had a practice show on sunday, aka, Fun Match. It was very fun. It was very hot. When it's hot, here's how you do a dog show:

Dogs are in car, in crate, under a fan, with big green mesh tarps draped everywhere over open doors strategically to allow airflow but create shade. Car looks like hobo car, many cars like this look like hobo village.

Dogs stay in hobo village until right before their turn. When you think it's their turn in a few minutes, get dog out, run with dog to baby kiddie pool filled with dirty water and grass clippings. Get dog to jump in there, splash around, run dog to start line. Hope you go right in-if timed correctly yes. If anything not to plan, put dog under a shady canopy until their turn. Run around course fast! Run back to kiddie pool, get wet, eat dog treats (if it is otterpop, play frisbee for a minute in the heat) then walk back to hobo village to get some more dog treats. That's sort of how the day goes.

I never thought I would be the kind of person who owns a portable shade canopy. Mine is red and has a broken leg.

I always thought I would be the kind of person who owned a ranch. Hopefully that comes to fruition in the next few days if we go into contract on The Ranch. aka, very expensive house near the flat field of lovely oak trees and meadow. Wish me luck.

Dirt Nite

Agility night is not really descriptive of exactly what we go through to do agility.

OK, so first of all it happens after work. I have to leave the barn at exactly 5pm to get out to the other barn it's held at. Horses tend to get sick at 5pm so I have missed agility nite before. We unload much heavy equipment out of a trailer near the covered arena. The arena footing is sand and all weather coated with a sticky dressage loving polymer that sticks to everything and is black and disgusting. Because dressage people tend not to have to haul jumps around. If they did, they would do the old fashioned thing, installing sprinklers.

We set up a course, full course, lugging the large items around on a 110 x 70 sf course. Then I teach, usually 1 class. Right now, my class has a teenager with a unfocused cockapoo, a triathalete with a lab, sometimes a very fast pug, and a King Charles Spaniel puppy that looks like a stuffed animal with a very experienced handler. They do great. It's very fun to teach, even though I still have a lot to learn.

Then Otterpop does a lower level competition class. If I teach an additional class, she does Ruby's master's level class which is actually sort of more fun. Class is a social event for the mostly over 45 year old ladies who enjoy wearing dog tshirts. I am not incredibly social. Also if a dog wins an award, everyone eats cake! The dogs in class go to a LOT of dog shows. They show in AKC. This is sort of not my thing, I do only some dog shows. And I find dog shows not so exciting to talk about. So even though these could be my peeps, they are kind of sort of not my peeps.

At 9:30, we put everything away into the trailer. In the dark and the dirt. We do this rain or shine. Everything is very heavy at this time of night and I am usually staggering around because I haven't had dinner yet. Luckily I only live 25 minutes away, so I am home by 10:30. Project Runway is on at 10pm and I miss it because I love agility even more than Project Runway. I feel like the opposite of a Project Runway contestant at dog agility. Unless it was the dirt challenge. When I get home, I have to take off my clothes outside because of the amount of dirt. Having black dogs is an advantage for our agility night.

Ranch Dressing

It is possible I have found the team a potential ranch. There are no fences and it is on a very, very busy road. There isn't a single ranch building either. I would have the honor of building all of these things. Even though it's out in the country it's on the busiest road there. I managed to find the best potential ranch spot, in the county that still has freeway noise! There is something about the fact that it is in a Gulch. But it is Cave Gulch! A gulch named after a cave is a very positive sign in my book.

Tonight is agility night. It's at a ranch located between the freeway and the dump. It's just hard to have the perfect ranch. We have to move all of the heavy agility items from the trailer into the dressage arena. It is nail breaking work. At the end of agility night, we have to move everything back. And there are owls in the rafters that send poop squirting down as well. I think some of these facts make agility somewhat less glamorous than Tour De France! But there is no drug testing in dog agility! It is a sport that can even involve cocktails! And drugs for the dogs!

Buying the Team a Ranch

One of my hobbies is ranch shopping. It is more of a lifestyle I guess. One reason is that I work on a ranch, but I don't have my own, and, long story short, this is not a good thing.

We visited a flat piece of unimproved land with a house that is very expensive (aka ranch) yesterday that I love very much and we might try to buy. We have done this before. We is mostly me and the team since my husband is not so sure about ranch purchasing and tries to stay out of it as much as possible until we are suddenly in an escrow we can't afford. But the team is all for this because there will be room for dog agility equipment under the scenic oak trees! Near the future pasture. It is within driving distance to the beloved beach! The house is not disgusting! It is under one million dollars.

The team is also entered in a practice, faux dog show this weekend. That would be a Fun Match in agility lingo. These are very important to Otterpop's life since she can pretend that the judge is not going to do whatever it is she believes they are going to do to her in the name of evil and get a treat. Otterpop runs around like an exorcist character because she belives the judge is satan and has to watch the judge at all times before having a huge meltdown flip out and trying to attack the judge. Luckily she is not a rottweiler and usually people just fall down laughing instead of running in terror which I am pretty sure is the effect she is after. At the dog show, she cannot have a treat for not flipping out. At the fun match, she can have a treat each time she selects jumping over something vs. unleashing seething judge hatred.

team small dog rides again

It's possible I have one of the only small dog agility blogs that covers an equal interest in fashion, celebrity stalking and taxidermy. I feel like there are not enough blogs like this! Dog agility is a fabulous, under utilized fringe sport that could be embraced by more people! More people that might want to be my friends! What is sexier than a dog lady with 3 small black dogs and a pocketful of plastic bags! We could come up with much better outfits and go on the Oscars! Musicals! Sparkley things!

I do try to be a good agility person. I even teach a class in it. I bought sporty addidas pants. Me and the team do our best. Ruby is sometimes a very fast super star of agility, and sometimes she gets pulled out of Important Classes like the Grand Prix. Or the second round of Steeplechase! In front of the border collie people! Otterpop is very fast and a hardy competitor until we get to the competitions and she is scared of the judge's glasses and spooks and barks. I think people might laugh at us sometimes at dog agility. We are on the uneven side.

I subscribe to Clean Run magazine but it is a little boring to me. Once me and Ruby's photo was in it! I am not a good practicer of agility exercises. But I like to do so many other things. Like go to the flear market! Ride the horses! Paint deer postcards! Move my furniture around! Go out to lunch! I have a short attention span. We have been told we cannot be the big dog agility winner, champion of world teams and so forth without practicing. We have no grass though, and at the barn the dogs have to stay in their pen.

I am possibly not that great of a dog trainer. The dogs don't always stay in their pen. Otterpop can climb out of it like a monkey, using her toes. Ruby has stealth powers that take her down to where the horse shoer works. They don't neccessarily listen to me. I could not have a dog whispering tv show. I couldn't even have a horse whispering tv show. But I would rather have a tv show where we visit home taxidermists around the country in an airstream trailer and go to lunch at diners! With the team.

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