24 July 2016

Team Small Dog Visits the RNC 2016, Boxed Set Edition.

Day One, Indiana.
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Team Small Dog, reporting in from Cleveland, Ohio! Today we decided to have our expert interview the Vice Presidential pick of Trumpy Dubloons, Indiana Governor Mike Pence. And what better expert to ask than our own native Hoosier, Banksy.


Banksy had some questions for the potential vice president of our country who would be the president if something happened to the potential president Trump Tower and Casino. Like someone shot him. Because he makes people mad. And what do mad people do nowadays? Shoot people. Even if it's the people that are saying, guns are cool!

It just seems like it could be a thing. So we got in line and got our interview. Go Hoosiers.


Banksky: Are the rumors true, Mike?

Mike Pence doesn't believe in global warming.

Mike Pence doesn't want transgender students to be able to use the bathroom that corresponds with their gender identity.


Mike Pence championed the bill that would allow business owners the right to refuse service to LGBT customers.


Mike Pence embraces the view that god created the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that's in them, and would like schools to teach this as well as science, and let the children decide which is correct.


Mike Pence would like to outlaw abortion, and has outlawed certain abortions in Indiana.

Mike Pence was disappointed in the Supreme Court's legalizing of gay marriage.

Mike Pence thinks that the science that linked lung cancer to smoking is part of a conspiracy theory.


Mike Pence: Yes, Banksy.

Stay tuned for more convention coverage. Unless we get tired and go home early. So many balloons.

Day Two, a daughter and a dog.
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Otterpop was able to get in a quick interview with Ivanka Trump and her little yorkie, Tiger. Otterpop would like to remind you she once had her ass kicked by a yorkie named Tinkerbell at the USDAA Western Regional. Tinkerbell arrived ringside in a stroller and proceeded to SLAUGHTER the 8" performance division. This was a low point in the agility career of Otterpop. She retired soon after. Moving forward.

Interview Transcript:

Otterpop: Oh hi, Ivanka. So happy you bought a membership to our club! Team Small Dog's been waiting for you, and your jet. We heard the seats are made of pony fur!

Ivanka: (Silence. Editors note-We think she is pretty pissy that Melania from Slovenia bungled up last night's Lady speech so bad. Looks like she had a long night. Does she call her stepmum, we wonder?)

Otterpop: So, hey, Ivanka. What amazing things do you think your dad is going to do to make America Great Again? Or safe again. Or hate again. Or whatever. Besides pass out ballcaps?

Ivanka: You know he's a feminist, right?


Otterpop: Um, yeah. We heard you say that another time, too. Can you elaborate on this?

Ivanka: He hires a lot of women. For like, maids and stuff. He owns a lot of hotels.

Otterpop: What about when he calls them fat pigs and thinks they should be punished for having abortions?

Ivanka: My mom owns half of Mar A Lago.

Otterpop: Do you like that show Veep? With Elaine from Seinfeld? Those Code Pink protesters that looked like Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde were rad last night, don't you think?


Ivanka: We are looking forward. Did you see Antonio Zapato Jr over there? You'll excuse us.

Day Three, beep beep beep.
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In hindsight, bringing 16 year old Ruby along on this trip was just too much for her. She used to enjoy such things, now I think I'll let her sleep in the hotel room for the rest of our visit to Cleveland.

Ruby can't hear, or really see all that well. But I do think she would have enjoyed meeting up with Tiffany Trump. She's the daughter of Marla, one of the Trump wives from the '90's. It's cool to have so many kids running around up there, giving speeches about their dad.

Tiffany seems nice. Girl power.


Ruby did notice though, that it wasn't very girl powery in general though, yesterday.

Sort of more like a witch hunt.

Ruby's afraid of witches. And flies. Actually, Ruby thinks flies are witches. Ruby's somewhat fond of Hilary, all girl power, cool first time event of a woman running for president. She doesn't run away to hide outside when she sees Hilary, like she does for fly witches. But Hilary's never been to our house, so I can't completely verify this fact.

The Hilary witch hunt though, is sort of like the Salem ones, so we hope they don't capture her and burn her at the stake for the Big Wednesday Night event. We'll check the schedule before we go in tonight, just to be sure.

They were giving away free Trump hats, so I got one for all the dogs so they would blend. Most of them are black and I have to say, everything's very white once we're inside the stadium. I didn't see that yellow bird until I took a photo of them at the park when we took a break. I think he's the bird from Tiffany's song. The one she premiered on Oprah when she was in high school? The dogs like that song pretty good. There's a part where it goes "baby, you go beep beep beep."

When we sing it, Banksy likes to back up. Sort of like she's dancing along with Tiffany! Girl power!

Day Four, a big day.
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Well, how lucky is this? Banksy's Indiana pedigree press credential, and Gustavo's token immigrant from Mexico status who has become a legal citizen and not taxed our healthcare system or caused any terrorist acts and is also a little black dog, scored us a up close and personal visit with Donald J. GoldenTrump and Little Tiny Whitehead Pence.

Right! So exciting! Although Gustavo was a little bit scared. There were flapping flags all around, but I told him to be brave and he'd get a little piece of string cheese if he could do it. So we gave it a shot.

Here's our interview transcript:

Gustavo: Hola, dudes!

Pence: Get that animal out of here.

Trump: Ha! This guy! He's fantastic! Love his tie! How fantastic is he?


Pence: Oh, sorry. It's just that the little dog there, he's black. And the teleprompter says he's from Mexico. So I just thought, obviously, economy draining terrorist, or worse. Economy draining terrorist cop killing danger maker!

Trump: Ha! Love THIS GUY!

Pence: First, I should tell you that I’m a Christian, a conservative and a Republican, in that order. Next, I'm the Ethel to his Lucy, the Carrie to his Fred, the Ackroyd to his Belushi. A pro-life, anti-climate change science, pro-gun Ackroyd/Carrie/Ethel.

Trump: Ha! Love THIS GUY! He's a kick! A real kick! Melania was just saying at dinner, he's a kick!


Trump: This guy, we just give him all the domestic policy stuff. Then I get out there and make the deals! Amazing deals! We'll kick China in the ass! Make those Mexicans pay for the wall! An AMAZING WALL! Love this guy!

Gustavo: (Gustavo is kind of freaked out. America is just so dark and dangerous, or maybe it was just that Trump started talking, but he went and hid under a chair. It seems fine, though, because Trump just keeps talking anyways so he doesn't even notice Gustavo is under the chair. Until he sees me opening up a little packet of string cheese to try and lure him out)


Trump: Mike! The dog's under the chair! This gives me a great idea! An amazing idea! How much do you think those chairs run? Twenty bucks? Thirty bucks? Thirty five tops? Here, I'm slipping you a Benjamin. See if they'll give you fifty chairs for a hundred. Get the price down! The we sell them, here's our healthcare plan! We sell all the chairs! Get rid of Medicaid! Offer tax cuts! Resell the chairs to the rich for GENEROUS tax cuts! And England! Sell the Brexit new chairs, they're gonna need them when they move out of the Union! More chairs! We can make deals with all the countries! It's amazing! Free college! But not like Bernie, free Trump College!

Pence: He reminds me of Ronald Reagan! Except with a newly minted love for the gays!


Gustavo: (I gave his some cheese and he started to feel better, so he got brave enough to approach with one more question.) Um, that guy, Tony Schwartz, who wrote your The Art of the Deal book for you, says you'rea sociopath who could totally get us into a nuclear war, because you get to keep the war button and push it if you want.


Trump: War button! Ha! You know who wants to push the war button? That Putin! Those slackers over there in the Baltic not paying their bills! You know how much those guys owe? Loads! LOADS! I am like the OPPOSITE OF THAT! That Tony guy, I made him rich! What a loser! Disloyal loser, I made that guy. The war button will be mine! I'm buying it! It's dangerous out there! I'll use it! Make America safe with the button!


Mike, are you with me man?

(Pence looks sort of freaked out).

Pence: With you, chief.


Trump: (Looking at Gustavo, who is back under the chair). Aren't you from Mexico anyhow? And you don't even feel safe? Ha! You're probably one of those danger makers! One more child to sacrifice on the altar of open borders! Just wait til you see our wall. Its going to be AMAZING!

21 July 2016

Team Small Dog visits the Republican National Convention, Day 4, Hola, Gustavo


Well, how lucky is this? Banksy's Indiana pedigree press credential, and Gustavo's token immigrant from Mexico status who has become a legal citizen and not taxed our healthcare system or caused any terrorist acts and is also a little black dog, scored us a up close and personal visit with Donald J. GoldenTrump and Little Tiny Whitehead Pence.

Right! So exciting! Although Gustavo was a little bit scared. There were flapping flags all around, but I told him to be brave and he'd get a little piece of string cheese if he could do it. So we gave it a shot.

Here's our interview transcript:

Gustavo: Hola, dudes!

Pence: Get that animal out of here.

Trump: Ha! This guy! He's fantastic! Love his tie! How fantastic is he?


Pence: Oh, sorry. It's just that the little dog there, he's black. And the teleprompter says he's from Mexico. So I just thought, obviously, economy draining terrorist, or worse. Economy draining terrorist cop killing danger maker!

Trump: Ha! Love THIS GUY!

Pence: First, I should tell you that I’m a Christian, a conservative and a Republican, in that order. Next, I'm the Ethel to his Lucy, the Carrie to his Fred, the Ackroyd to his Belushi. A pro-life, anti-climate change science, pro-gun Ackroyd/Carrie/Ethel.

Trump: Ha! Love THIS GUY! He's a kick! A real kick! Melania was just saying at dinner, he's a kick!


Trump: This guy, we just give him all the domestic policy stuff. Then I get out there and make the deals! Amazing deals! We'll kick China in the ass! Make those Mexicans pay for the wall! An AMAZING WALL! Love this guy!

Gustavo: (Gustavo is kind of freaked out. America is just so dark and dangerous, or maybe it was just that Trump started talking, but he went and hid under a chair. It seems fine, though, because Trump just keeps talking anyways so he doesn't even notice Gustavo is under the chair. Until he sees me opening up a little packet of string cheese to try and lure him out)


Trump: Mike! The dog's under the chair! This gives me a great idea! An amazing idea! How much do you think those chairs run? Twenty bucks? Thirty bucks? Thirty five tops? Here, I'm slipping you a Benjamin. See if they'll give you fifty chairs for a hundred. Get the price down! The we sell them, here's our healthcare plan! We sell all the chairs! Get rid of Medicaid! Offer tax cuts! Resell the chairs to the rich for GENEROUS tax cuts! And England! Sell the Brexit new chairs, they're gonna need them when they move out of the Union! More chairs! We can make deals with all the countries! It's amazing! Free college! But not like Bernie, free Trump College!

Pence: He reminds me of Ronald Reagan! Except with a newly minted love for the gays!


Gustavo: (I gave his some cheese and he started to feel better, so he got brave enough to approach with one more question.) Um, that guy, Tony Schwartz, who wrote your The Art of the Deal book for you, says you'rea sociopath who could totally get us into a nuclear war, because you get to keep the war button and push it if you want.


Trump: War button! Ha! You know who wants to push the war button? That Putin! Those slackers over there in the Baltic not paying their bills! You know how much those guys owe? Loads! LOADS! I am like the OPPOSITE OF THAT! That Tony guy, I made him rich! What a loser! Disloyal loser, I made that guy. The war button will be mine! I'm buying it! It's dangerous out there! I'll use it! Make America safe with the button!


Mike, are you with me man?

(Pence looks sort of freaked out).

Pence: With you, chief.


Trump: (Looking at Gustavo, who is back under the chair). Aren't you from Mexico anyhow? And you don't even feel safe? Ha! You're probably one of those danger makers! One more child to sacrifice on the altar of open borders! Just wait til you see our wall. Its going to be AMAZING!

20 July 2016

Team Small Dog Visits the Republican National Convention, Beep Beep Beep.


In hindsight, bringing 16 year old Ruby along on this trip was just too much for her. She used to enjoy such things, now I think I'll let her sleep in the hotel room for the rest of our visit to Cleveland.

Ruby can't hear, or really see all that well. But I do think she would have enjoyed meeting up with Tiffany Trump. She's the daughter of Marla, one of the Trump wives from the '90's. It's cool to have so many kids running around up there, giving speeches about their dad.

Tiffany seems nice. Girl power.


Ruby did notice though, that it wasn't very girl powery in general though, yesterday.

Sort of more like a witch hunt.

Ruby's afraid of witches. And flies. Actually, Ruby thinks flies are witches. Ruby's somewhat fond of Hilary, all girl power, cool first time event of a woman running for president. She doesn't run away to hide outside when she sees Hilary, like she does for fly witches. But Hilary's never been to our house, so I can't completely verify this fact.

The Hilary witch hunt though, is sort of like the Salem ones, so we hope they don't capture her and burn her at the stake for the Big Wednesday Night event. We'll check the schedule before we go in tonight, just to be sure.

They were giving away free Trump hats, so I got one for all the dogs so they would blend. Most of them are black and I have to say, everything's very white once we're inside the stadium. I didn't see that yellow bird until I took a photo of them at the park when we took a break. I think he's the bird from Tiffany's song. The one she premiered on Oprah when she was in high school? The dogs like that song pretty good. There's a part where it goes "baby, you go beep beep beep."

When we sing it, Banksy likes to back up. Sort of like she's dancing along with Tiffany! Girl power!

19 July 2016

Team Small Dog visits the Republican National Convention, Day 2, Breakfast Meeting.


Otterpop was able to get in a quick interview with Ivanka Trump and her little yorkie, Tiger. Otterpop would like to remind you she once had her ass kicked by a yorkie named Tinkerbell at the USDAA Western Regional. Tinkerbell arrived ringside in a stroller and proceeded to SLAUGHTER the 8" performance division. This was a low point in the agility career of Otterpop. She retired soon after. Moving forward.

Interview Transcript:

Otterpop: Oh hi, Ivanka. So happy you bought a membership to our club! Team Small Dog's been waiting for you, and your jet. We heard the seats are made of pony fur!

Ivanka: (Silence. Editors note-We think she is pretty pissy that Melania from Slovenia bungled up last night's Lady speech so bad. Looks like she had a long night. Does she call her stepmum, we wonder?)

Otterpop: So, hey, Ivanka. What amazing things do you think your dad is going to do to make America Great Again? Or safe again. Or hate again. Or whatever. Besides pass out ballcaps?

Ivanka: You know he's a feminist, right?


Otterpop: Um, yeah. We heard you say that another time, too. Can you elaborate on this?

Ivanka: He hires a lot of women. For like, maids and stuff. He owns a lot of hotels.

Otterpop: What about when he calls them fat pigs and thinks they should be punished for having abortions?

Ivanka: My mom owns half of Mar A Lago.

Otterpop: Do you like that show Veep? With Elaine from Seinfeld? Those Code Pink protesters that looked like Reese Witherspoon in Legally Blonde were rad last night, don't you think?


Ivanka: We are looking forward. Did you see Antonio Zapato Jr over there? You'll excuse us.

18 July 2016

Team Small Dog visits the Republican National Convention.


Team Small Dog, reporting in from Cleveland, Ohio! Today we decided to have our expert interview the Vice Presidential pick of Trumpy Dubloons, Indiana Governor Mike Pence. And what better expert to ask than our own native Hoosier, Banksy.


Banksy had some questions for the potential vice president of our country who would be the president if something happened to the potential president Trump Tower and Casino. Like someone shot him. Because he makes people mad. And what do mad people do nowadays? Shoot people. Even if it's the people that are saying, guns are cool!

It just seems like it could be a thing. So we got in line and got our interview. Go Hoosiers.


Banksky: Are the rumors true, Mike?

Mike Pence doesn't believe in global warming.

Mike Pence doesn't want transgender students to be able to use the bathroom that corresponds with their gender identity.


Mike Pence championed the bill that would allow business owners the right to refuse service to LGBT customers.


Mike Pence embraces the view that god created the heavens and the earth, the sea and all that's in them, and would like schools to teach this as well as science, and let the children decide which is correct.


Mike Pence would like to outlaw abortion, and has outlawed certain abortions in Indiana.

Mike Pence was disappointed in the Supreme Court's legalizing of gay marriage.

Mike Pence thinks that the science that linked lung cancer to smoking is part of a conspiracy theory.


Mike Pence: Yes, Banksy.

Stay tuned for more convention coverage. Unless we get tired and go home early. So many balloons.

Highandlowlights from the long dog show.



Sending Banksy off course in the easiest steeplechase ever. I believe the only off course of the entire dog show! I pushed on her line. Just the teensiest, tiniest bit. That's all it takes with Banksy. Exit through the gift shop.

Also about half an hour later I ran straight into a tunnel and flew head over ass kettle on the same easiest steeplechase in the world with Gooey.

Getting lost at the last jump in masters pairs with Banksy's best frenemie and my best agility pal. No pairs Q.

Startline training. I believe that my holding Banksy to criteria may have caused the dog show to run 3 hours over schedule, though. A twelve hour day without lunch or extra coffee? A very bad thing, causing situations, I believe, such as off getting lost at the last jump in masters pairs (hint hint, they usually have timers on them!) and running into tunnels (hint hint, look where you're going in dog agility!).

Startline Part 2. Banksy did not blow a single startline after I pulled her off the line in Gamblers on Saturday. By Sunday I was leading out across the whole field in Snooker. Hooray for Banksy. I did send her off course on that Snooker, after the magnificent leadout.

Winning Biathalon even though she pulled into the wrong side of that tunnel over there. No Biathalon Q.

Winning most of Banksy's team classes. Except for snooker. Darn that snooker.

Gustavo ran away from a flapping umbrella in Jumpers and hid by the score table.

He had another jumpers where he ran like a million bucks, and included not one but 2 extra tunnels. Gustavo sees a tunnel, Gustavo's in the tunnel. If tunnels make him happier than flapping umbrellas, do the tunnel, Gooey.

Many good running dogwalks for Banksy. One horrifying one.

Several runs where the highlight was the running dogwalk and there were some low lights. Pulling her off a jump, not getting a turn, pushing to the wrong side of a jump. Bars. I can walk out of those runs feeling a little, WAH, and someone always says, amazing running dogwalk. But I really want the rest to be amazing, too.

We train everything. The running dogwalks are working, at least for now. But the other things, when will they work? Sometimes they do, but sometimes they don't. I use the wrong hands a lot and push when I should pull and don't push hard enough when I should push. Poor Banksy.

While I was at the trial this weekend, there were more cop killings. A truck murdered it's way through a crowd in France. They set out the balloons for the Republican National Convention. Where it's doubtful the problem of institutionalized racism being tinder for the shitstorm being stirred up by a Trump and his VP of backwards Indiana Pence will be adequately addressed.

I carried a lot of bags of garbage down to the dumpster all weekend. Up and down the hill. I never made it to the beer garden. I walked to the car, I walked to the dumpster, I forgot to sit down and I forgot to eat. The dogs slept in the car. Some long, long days. Although a quick stop at the beach was right on the way. Today, I'm tired, I have gravel embedded in my hands from tripping on my dangly shoelaces on a garbage run, and a nice day at work sounds relaxing.

We have a month to recover before the next dog show. I think that's a good thing.

15 July 2016

The summer of the hustle.


Because it's summer, we'd hope to find ourselves lolling around somebody's bbq, a beach party, a night under white strung bulbs in an outdoor beer garden. I would like more lolling with my summer cocktail, less unlolling with a LaCroix flavor water in the cupholder.


It's been a little less lolling kind of summer and more like do this and that and try to keep paying the bills. But still getting the dogs out for a good walk.


It's a good busy, not a bad busy. I just added some other jobs under my hats. Who doesn't want to wear a lot of hats, all at the same time?


So there's the barn but I added back in taking graphic design jobs again. Drawing your dogs, send me your dogs. Teaching agility classes two nights a week. Keeping up writing monthly stories for Clean Run. Every day, another dollar.


The summer of the hustle.


That's better than the summer I can't stop watching in the news. The summer of the bottle getting all shook up. Shaking and shaking and shaking. That cork is going to blow, little corks are blowing all over the place. The summer of somewhat nervous, the summer of the unrest before the unrest.


It's not bad, it's not good, it is what it is. Winona Ryder makes a comeback with a new Netflix series. Localism gets busted for what it is. Black lives matter. I haven't caught a single Pokeman, and I don't have an unconventional summer It-bag. Where's my casual entertaining make ahead brunch menu? You're bound to hit the beach this summer and when you do, skin care's where it's at.

Off we go and into the car. Let's hope they don't announce the flavor waters number one cause of cancers for 2017. We'll see you there and raise you a dollar. Be back in a jiffy.

05 July 2016

Surviving the 4th.


We survived. Gustavo barely survived, but every year, he's still alive in the morning. We have a system, it's not a surprise, the bombs go off all around us, we crank up fans and the stereo, and then later on, episodes of House Hunter International as loud as our tv goes, and he lays under a blanket on my lap all night. At some point he got ran away under the bed, miserable as could be, but in the morning he got out and life goes on.

We like the dog show part of Fourth of July. Three days, 22 runs. Big, crazy dog show. Some of those runs were Gooey's, he had zero Qs but a great deal of running as fast as he could, too fast to not do first tunnel he saw and too fast to stop for some weave poles in steeplechase. Gooey can do no wrong. Too many for me and Banksy! Us as a team can do a lot of wrong. We had some greatness in little bits. She won 3 team classes, got a team Q, won MC Standard, earned a SuperQ. She was the highest scoring team dog in her height, and a couple runs had some of the fastest times of all the heights. A lot of those 19 runs had handling errors where I sent her off the wrong place, and in 2 of them, she tried to bite my pants and she got yelled at and marched out of the ring.

If I make a turn at the last minute and she has crazy eyes on, she hates me and tries to bite my pants! She started this at one of her first trials, and then stopped after I marched her out of the ring. But decided to start again apparently, I am hoping the last time I made it VERY clear NO WAY! I yelled at her in front of everybody and stuck her leash on her head and marched her to the car and told her to sit in the corner til I came back.

That's how I cured Otterpop of barking at the judge from on top of the aframe, 100 years ago. I am not sure if this will work with Banksy, but this is what I'm trying.

When I tell people that not at agility, she is a normal, dog park going, playing at the beach, laying around on the couch at home dog, they don't believe me. Look at me like I have 3 heads. No way, they say, eyeing me curiously. That dog is nuts.

But it's true. She's a jekyl-hyde. A Sybil. A 2 faces of Eve. Her floppy weirdo muffin self at home becomes a terror beast at the dog show. If I look at her face coming off of a contact, and I see crazy eyes, I freeze up and panic and don't know what to do.

One of my friends said, "Oh yeah, I just never look at his eyes," about her terror beast. I try to watch her feet but those crazy eyes, really crazy! And team relay, yikes, 3 dogs and a baton hand off. We will have to go through that again in a couple of weeks...too crazy.

So I made a greatest hit movie again, so I could watch the not crazy parts and the nice handling and the good listening.  The good turns and the correct tunnels and the parts of running Banksy. Every run we came out of, even with mistakes, where there was listening and no pants biting, I told her she was amazing.

She really is.

28 June 2016

Getting old's a bitch.


This photo is Ruby on her last walk down to the creek. It's too hard for her. She really wants to come, but every time I take her, she wobbles and huffs and puffs and we all creep along, but it's just too hard. I decided last week, that's it. She's staying home on all the forest walks with hills and coyotes.


Otterpop's all, what's the big deal? She doesn't mind walking slow with her.


Banksy doesn't mean to topple her over, but sometimes it happens when 2 dogs are running fast and 2 dogs are Ruby and Otterpop. Otterpop isn't allowed to run on the trails, and Ruby has gotten smooshed too many times. Don't even get me started about the run-in we had with the "friendly" wolf hybrid dog the other day. It was awful, I had to shove Ruby in the bushes to get her out of the way, hold on to Otterpop, and the end of the story is, luckily it was short, the guy pulled the wolf dog off and Banksy was terrified out of her britches ten times over. I know what the wolf dog's truck looks like. We won't walk there ever again if I see that truck.


So this is what the walks look like. We take Ruby on a walk around the neighborhood, bring her home, give her some cookies in her blue chair, then we sneak out for a more adventurey to somewhere we can go fast and far.


They don't really mind. We all go a lot faster when we leave Ruby at home.


Maybe she minds.


Ruby hasn't been able to go to the beach in a really long time. It's too bright and she can get faced the wrong way too easy. I tried a few weeks back, carried her up and down the stairs, but even in the fog it's too bright and she looks lost if she strays even a few feet from me.


Getting old's a bitch. Somehow it's happening to the best of us.


The park at the old school. This we can do. Ruby can walk very, very slow, and stand in the shade and sniff the air. Then I throw the ball, and we just walk slowly from shade patch to shade patch, me and her, while the other dogs chase the ball. Gustavo usually now is picking to sit in the shade patch, I make Banksy lie down in the shade patch and have a rest, Otterpop barks and carries on, and Ruby just stands there. This is her best thing right now.