Behind the scenes in the world of dog photography.

Have you ever seen a dog who is afraid of cameras? I mean, not like looks down or away or blinks but is HORRIFIED by cameras. Black Beauty apparently believes cameras rip out your heart by yanking it up through your throat by the giant scythe that pops out of the lens to eviscerate you. Camera equals See Ya I'm Outta Here for Fear of Certain Death.


As soon as I pull any camera out, she looks HORRIFIED and jumps ship. Even if she's asleep and my camera does not make a sound. She KNOWS. Runs away. Like RUNS away. Tried at the beach. Horrified, tried to run away up a cliff. 6 wet, slobbery big dogs attacking tennis balls don't phase her, but a tiny little snapshot camera comes out of pocket, off she goes. Hey, the dogs are all being cute, sleeping together on the couch. Get a photo? HELL No. Not of Black Beauty. Want to meet a sheep Black Beauty? Yeah but DON'T TAKE MY PICTURE.


Sorry Black Beauty. No more pictures. From now on, I will just draw you. I will try. You look like Ruby but just so tiny. And such sad little eyes.


Uh, is Black Beauty our dog? I don't know. Gary says she isn't. Every day, he asks if she has a home. Although he asks this while picking her up and playing with her, tosses her a little chunk of pollo. Throws out the little idea of, "Don't you want a nice border collie JUST LIKE HOBBES? We can't have 5 dogs. Black Beauty needs to go." Yeah, the border collie comes when we have our ranch that the current financial crisis makes look like is never. A border collie in this house? Oh my god. Just come visit my house you guys. You would get it.


I still ask people if they want her. But it's pretty half heartedly. I size them up carefully, judging their books by their cover. Don't look right for Black Beauty. Chihuahua rescue had a lady willing to fly from Greece to adopt a chihuahua from the Bay Area. Duh, guys, she doesn't speak Greece-she speaks Spanish! Nope.


She's very, very sweet. She wags her tail faster and harder than any of the other dogs. Little wiggle worm of joy over the littlest things. She is simple and happy. A gentle little soul. She doesn't need a frisbee or 9 million tricks to keep her busy, she has zero training. I'm teaching her sit right now and to come when you say her name. In Spanish and English. Actually compared to SOME dogs in our household, very operant learner. No naming names, if your name happens to be Gustavo. Remember how long it took AHEM No Naming Names to learn to sit?


She just wants to go with you wherever you go and be a good dog and wag her tail a lot and squiggle around in ecstasy if you pet her. And sit in your lap or snuggle up with the other dogs. You just pick her up and stick her in the car. Tub. Crate. Kiss a sheep. Whatever you want. Easy peasiest dog I've ever seen.


Team Small Dog, they kind of don't know what to do with her. She doesn't really know how to play and they just let her tag along with whatever fiasco they are currently causing. Like a completely ignored kid sister de unos pachucos de Maravilla along for grand theft auto, happy to ride in the back seat and listen to the radio. I took her over to an agility friend's house for dinner and she hung out, so easy. Deb made tacos! Won over Black Beauty's heart forever. No howling. No stealing other dogs' toys. No running through the house with air strikes off tall furniture. None of the complete mayhem that would have been caused by bringing my Real Dogs over. Brought the sidekick dog and turns out she is a well behaved bring to dinner party dog.

I kind of suck at dog rescue. Ruby was Dog Rescue. Otterpop was Dog Rescue. Gustavo rescued from someone else's Dog Rescue. You are supposed to get them a NEW home with dog rescue. The bigger dog that came with Beauty? Yep, found her a super home with a nice family from the barn. I just threw a TON of money at vet bills trying to save my old horse. Last thing I need, new set of vet bills. She's not an agility prospect. My next dog was supposed to be a giant border collie JUST LIKE HOBBES. But. I. Don't. Think. I. Can. Give. Away. Black. Beauty.

Gustavo's First Agility Lesson

So Gustavo had his very first Official Agility Lesson yesterday. Up until now, I've been just training him all on my lonesome. Snuck him into some runs during Dirt Nite the other night, run him around at Dee's, but this week I asked Jim to give us his first Genuine Dog Lesson. He's practicing at Master's Level, just starting to trial, time to get official. People are always telling me I need professional help. This is what you mean, right People?


So everyone got to do some lesson. Otterpop and Ruby, they can always practice something. Gustavo though, time to show Jim what we can do. Jim had us start out a jump drill with a nice long leadout.

"Uh. Jim? He doesn't really stay? You know how I always run with my dogs? I sorta just thought we'd start like that? Like, Always?"

Jim nipped that fantasy in the bud.

I'm like, "But the papillon people, they always run with them...right? Look, like this." I demonstrate my papillon people startline. Off Gustavo goes 100 miles ahead of me, down a row of jumps and into a tunnel. Jim is sitting there, just sort of staring at me.


Gustavo is really fast. Sometimes running with him and him getting out ahead makes him run like a teensy drunken sailor. No matter how fast I run. Oh, like how sometimes I shouldn't startline run with Ruby and I do and there is a near crash which frequently precedes a dropped bar and the beginning of a crazy, disaster attack the jumps run?

Advice from Jim, "Work on his startline stays. You're gonna need them."


Then we worked on rear crosses and serpentines. Neither was as crappy as I thought, in fact his rear crosses were way better than I thought they'd be. I need to work more on driving faster and straighter and stepping behind him earlier. And he showed me a good drill to teach a clearer understanding of that serpentine arm The Power Paws Way.

When Jim shows me a basic drill and starts talking about the Power Paws Way, that's when I know sometimes my teaching method of It's a Fast Running Party has a few holes in it. We'll practice standing way closer to the jump. For real. We want a bombproof serpentine dog that ALWAYS knows where to go.


So did a bunch of jumping drills, then ran some courses that had all the contacts in them. Ruby dazzled Jim with her newly consistent and fast running dogwalk contact. Otterpop, dazzled. Right Jim? You were DAZZLED? Well, anyways, they did just fine. Jim is used to them. Time to show Jim Gustavo's contacts on the course. Good turns! Fantastic dogwalk! Fantastic teeter! Then on to the a-frame. My super trained running a-frame. That we worked so hard and methodically on and has seemed like a no brainer.

Until now. Fly off. Fly off. Fly off.

Maybe some trace of toes touching yellow. A tiny trace of tiny toes.


Jim has me keep doing them. Counting his strides. Boy he is close. I am running way ahead, sometimes closer. Left side. Right side. Faster. Slower.

"Jim I am like freaking out here! His a-frame was stunning until just now!"


Jim is like, "Yeah. Right." No, he was sympathetic. He understands the running a-frame drama. We did about a million a-frames. Uh, we have a little backtracking of work to do on these. I think he was hitting the a-frame harder and faster in his lesson than I usually have him do in practice and thus the little mess. This is a new priority of dog training. Work on the a-frame.


We didn't demonstrate the poles. Even though HELLO FOR THE LAST WEEK WE HAVE HAD SUPER FAST STRAIGHT AND WIRE-FREE POLES in the driveway, I didn't feel ready to try this in his lesson. We are in the middle of the Take the Poles on the Road Show. Which is going well. I think we almost have ready for prime time poles. Also, poor Gustavo at this point is hiding from me under the teeter in the shade. This is more agility than he has ever done in his life, the last hour and a half.


Best advice. As always. Practice hard. Run fast. Train like you want him to always be. Thanks Jim!

The election is freaking me out.

Tonight I raced home from work early to watch the debates.

If by watching, you mean drawing the guys with pens while also screaming at dogs who haven't been walked or run in like a week and who have developed tactics last seen in the WWF. Such as for example, Gustavo climbs to the top of the couch, carefully eyeing Black Beauty and Otterpop sitting quietly next to me. If by sitting quietly actually you just mean just little Black Beauty and Otterpop is chewing on a piece of rope and howling. And then WWF Gustavo, who clearly has the possessed look of demon, launches himself off the top of the couch at full speed, landing squarely on top of Otterpop. With a splat. Black Beauty sort of getting used to stuff like this and just continues to sit there. Insane dog running and toy attacking continues, and air strikes start again.

And someone is talking about Al Qaeda and torture and taxes although I can't really hear due to full blown howling ensuing.


I would say John McCain did not sound like a complete idiot, unlike his VP who all of you I'm sure saw the video of this morning on the internet talking about her next door neighbor Russia who is super naughty and she wants to spank it and that equals, like, Foreign Policy. I think Barack sounded way smarter though and just comes off less old and war mongery.

Although also, like I said. A lot of howling going on. But guys, McCain is old and creepy and looks like a mushroom. We are in a SUPER big heap of trouble if he wins and then a SUPER extra big heap of trouble if he wins and dies and the lady who used to live next door to Russia wins. Even though she's watching Russia. Like, come on. Team Small Dog has to go quite partisan here now for a while because really, it's just been a bad week. And a bad month. And a bad season. And really. We just don't want it to keep getting worse.

RIP Beloved Jane

Our Beloved Jane 1982-9/24/08


I can't remember how old Jane was. I think 26. So many kids (and adults) in Santa Cruz learned to ride and care for horses with Jane.


She retired from her show career over 10 years ago, but every so often we let her go and pick up a few ribbons somewhere local. It's hard to believe she was once an elegant 3'6" hunter.


Her later years, you could park her out in an arena with a 5 year old on her back, never worry.


Or stick a couple 5 year olds up there. Send 'em on a walk around the property. We called her the Nanny.


I think Pixel was like 1 year old there. Couldn't talk yet, but could sit on Jane.


Can't find the words to tell you how much I'm going to miss her. I know she's somewhere better now, where she can walk and run and sit out in the pasture in the sun as long as she wants. Munching on grass. Kicking the wall. Laying her ears back and making the crabby face. Guys, Jane ran the show around our place. Kind of like a non benevolent cruise director. She had enough tricks in her book to make sure we did things the way she wanted.


Don't kick Timmy when you see him. He used to like to stand there and bark at you sometimes. He was never a great ranch dog. What a loss it is to lose a horse. Different than dogs, magestic animals, even in their old age. Thanks for so many years, my old friend.

A friend sent me this, and I emailed it out to all my friends and customers in a very sad email about Jane:

Wait. Don't read it yet. Go get a kleenex.

No. I'm serious. Go get one.

Don’t cry for the horses

Don’t cry for the horses that life has set free.
A million black horses forever to be.
Don’t cry for the horses now in God’s hand.
As they dance and they prance in a heavenly band.

They were ours as a gift, but never to keep.
As they close their eyes forever to sleep.

Their spirits unbound. On silver wings they fly.
A million black horses against the blue sky.

Look up into heaven, you’ll see them above.
The horses we lost, the horses we loved.
Manes and tails flowing, they gallop through time.
They were never yours, they were never mine.

Don’t cry for the horses. They’ll be back someday.
When our time is gone, they will show us the way.
Do you hear that soft nicker? Close to your ear?
Don’t cry for the horses. Love the ones that are here.

Weave Pole Wednesday

We're still trying.

A wire here, a wire there. A wire off, a wire on. MOST of the time we have poles, and then, as you shall see, sometimes, we just don't. You are welcome internet, for learning from my mistakes. Like hmmm. Wonder why he can do them towards the tunnel but not the other way. Who was too lazy to drag the tunnel down to the other end of the field to test?

I will say this. They are worse when I'm videoing. They are getting WAY better, but still not ready for primetime. Good thing this is cable. The internet. The blogosphere. Whatever. I predict in 2 weeks, we have weave poles. Because we're going to start taking them on the road this weekend.

Also. I make sheep noises for some reason when he's on the dogwalk. If you can suffer through that far. Sheep noises?



Hey, what's this note from Youtube on the video I worked so hard on last nite-"A copyright owner has claimed it owns some or all of the audio content in your video Gustavo. Straight poles, sometimes crappy.. The audio content identified in your video is Love Machine by The Miracles. We regret to inform you that your video has been blocked from playback due to a music rights issue."

Smokey Robinson, you are blocking my video!

Has Youtube ever done this to you? Didn't block any of my OTHER videos I put soundtracks on but this one is blocked, rejectable, unplayable because the song is busted. Uh, Smokey really cares his song is on a dog agility weave pole video? Smokey, are you out there? Why me? EVERYONE on Youtube uses copyrighted soundtrack material. I am weeping the tears of a clown right now.

Dunno.
So choice they gave, republish with sound muted or keep it off Youtube. So it's on and muted now, I guess. Booo-Ring. This is not how I needed to start this day, Smokey Robinson and Youtube.

Team Small Dog Courtroom Drama-Episode Four

All right. Didn't know on Arraignment Day, when I woke up, things were going to be a little more dramatic than I hoped for a courtroom drama. I am the namer of this event, and drama we say, is drama we get. Maybe not in such a good way. Day stared out with a crippled horse that maybe needs euthanization first thing. My old, beloved grandma horse Jane. Can't walk. Gotten nothing but worse over the last few days. Usually I spare you guys the professional drama in my life, but this is just sad. Not a good morning. This is saddest part of whole story. Weep now. Get it done with. Back to court.

So long story short yet still long, we give the poor sweet mare a few more days, and I jump in the car to make it back to Santa Cruz because you can't be late for court. Dogs are all exhausted and not irritating, ie, asleep in car crates, because they all had a hard run on the beach early in the morning. Even Black Beauty. Now a beach running chihuahua. Not Lighthouse Field State Beach, causer of my whole new hobby of Court. The other ranger-free, no ticket one. So you know how long usually takes to get back to town from the ranch, usually 40 minutes, maybe 45. How about when a big rig rolls over on the freeway and starts burning up and causes the freeway to get shut down? In that case maybe 3 hours. Uh. Arraignment at 1:30, leaving horse with vet at noon, and we are sitting in a parking lot.

So time to mobilize the Team Small Dog Courtroom Dream Team! First of all Gary on alert with all court paperwork and all important green organizer of my life, ready to meet me at court. And transfer dogs back to house so dogs don't have to sit in court parking lot in the sun. And Project Manager Bev finds the wreck on the internet and keeps me posted about the traffic jam. She keeps telling me to twitter my blackberry. Huh? I don't even have bluetooth here anymore. Just phone. Twitter the what? So I call the court with my old fashioned communicator named broken cel phone. And Court actually answers the phone for the very first time!

Hi Court! I am stuck in Traffic!

Can I tell you guys, I am not a late person? I am an EARLY person. NEVER, EVER, EVER LATE. This is just killing me. Try the bananarama of the yoga breathing. What can you do when Highway 1 shuts down?

Court says maybe they can put a note on the docket. Laura Hartwick is stuck in traffic. I'm not sure if Court, which sounds like a nice lady, is being facetious or for real. I am like, "It's not just regular traffic. It's stopped. Highway 1 is shut. Cerrado. Not moving. Parking lot."

Court says, "Which highway?"

"Uh, Oooonnne." It's our only highway in Santa Cruz. If you are at one end of Santa Cruz County, there's one way across. I live on one far end of the county, and work on the other. Highway One. When it shuts down, everything shuts down.

Court is like, "So, what do you want to do?"

I'm like, "Whatever is least disrespectful to court. You tell me." I am trying to be a good citizen here. And not in contempt of court. There's a min-pin sticking out of the big rig window next to me. The driver points to stuff and it barks. My dogs are sleeping in the back, not realizing the STRESSFULNESS of this situation. Min pin in the big rig over there, he realizes. Stressfull, Little Min Pin! Bark for me! Can I fiddle with ipod while I am illegally non bluetooth on celphone with court? Should I be listening to Bruce Springsteen here?

Court said it was a good thing I called and let them know, they'll try to put a note in there and put me in for a new arraignment time but I should try to come down there. I am sort of suspicious of this promise somehow, and keep rolling along. Stop. Go. Stop. Go. Stop. Stop. Stop. Go. Finally roll past a giant burned up husk of the big rig and the freeway all ripped up to shreds there and then it's off to court! It's about a quarter past 2 now. 45 minutes late. Like what would Judge Judy do to late people? Probably rip 'em a new one is what I'm thinking. And throw the book at 'em.

So meet Gary at court, get my paperwork he found for me, and switch cars so dogs can not have to sit at court and down I go to the basement courtroom. Didn't have time to plan an outfit, am still wearing really nasty old raggy pants and sneakers from running out of house early to get the dogs run and manage the horse situation. Not thinking, this would be a completely appropriate and fashion forward outfit to wear to court. Mostly thinking, these are pants and let me try to put them on really fast. Am wearing a shirt that has much visible tattoo showage. Is appropriate to show much tattoo at court? What a pickle I am in here.

Turns out it's ok, because everyone else having their arraignment today is seriously underdressed as well. Serious fashion crime in Court. There are a lot of us, and I sneak in there and everyone turns around to stare at me. Old people, young people. Skaters, homeless types, well dressed, crappy dressed, bunch of ethnicities, hawaiian shirts, tie dye, frumpy, impeccably pressed khakis, if you can imagine it, they were wearing it to court. Slip in next to a pregnant lady in sweats, hoping I haven't had my name called yet. Judge calls up some names ending in B, and I think we are alphabetical and I am a-ok.

Actual, genuine courtroom sketch from courtroom

What are some of the other underdressed citizens in there for? Failure to appropriately ride a skateboard. Sitting on a planter while chalk art was being drawn on the sidewalk that was not grafitti. A homeless guy for camping. Bike violation. Some kind of insurance fiasco and they towed the car. I am in here with some serious criminals. There's a huge bailiff over in the corner, HUGE I tell you, arms the size of massive wheels of cheddar cheese. Stubbly head from shaving it. His job is sit there and lean back in his chair and yawn sometimes. Some ladies are typing fast on the other side of the judge. There's a flag. Kind of like Judge Judy's set, but no wood paneling. Sheetrock and formica and a worn, '70's looking judge zone.


Pretty quick, it's my turn. Your Honor calls my name, off I go up to the bench. Judge Kim Baskett looks like a reasonable, nice lady. Like could be a mom of kids that ride with me. Good hair. Good glasses. That Sarah Palin lady in charge look but in a black robe. She explains stuff really, really well. Because some of the other people in line maybe didn't do their research and homework. Just saying, some of you other criminals. Might help. I get the feeling, after listening to arraignments for half an hour, that this judge has heard it all.

She says, "You are here for not having your dog on a leash at Lighthouse Field, according to the State. How do you plea?"

I am so happy I've rehearsed this. "I am Not Guilty, your honor." I look her in the eyes. I am thinking earnest and good citizen thoughts here.

"You are entitled to a court date. Do any of those times in November work for you?" She had just run through a bunch of court dates to a guy in really dirty, wrinkled clothes about illegal bike riding. He was having a hard time picking a good date. It took a while.


"I would like to come in on November 18, your honor." That was the soonest date she had offered. I think that still gives me plenty of time to work on my case. I got the ticket in July. I wrote it in my green organizer that runs my entire life.

She said, "Have you finished writing that down?" Just as I finished writing it down. She runs a tight court.

"Yes, your honor." She kind of talks to everyone in here like 4 year olds. Like is SUPER CLEAR. I am thinking maybe next she asks me to put my pen down when I'm done. Instead, she has me approach the bench and gives me a slip of paper with some more instructions, and thanks me for coming in. I thank her back. And that was it. Outta there. Arraignment took like 30 seconds.


So here you go, my friends. Tuesday, November 18, 1:30pm. Santa Cruz County Building, Traffic and Minor Violations courtroom in the basement. See you there? Lighthouse Field people, talking to you here. You wanna come? Represent? Tell your friends? See what happens when a dog lovin' visual generalist horse trainer defends herself because she used to watch LA Law and will try to channel Laurie Partridge? SURE to be a fiasco, right? See you in Court.

In this episode, Gustavo goes to his very first dog show.

And kicks ass. OK. I was so nervous to run him. Only in Starters Jumpers. Keeping him out of rings with weave poles til those things are DONE. Did you guys see me all freaky over there? Was a late class, other dogs were done. Had to keep remembering to check over in that Starters and Advanced Ring to make sure to, ahem, actually walk his course because, well just because. Not used to going over there. How many times did Otterpop ever get her Starters courses walked? Let's just say not too many.

This is at a nice, small USDAA in Woodland. 2 rings. Kick back. Near Davis, where I went to grad school. Near the pound where Timmy came from. Far enough away that I went up Saturday night and brought Black Beauty and we all stayed in Motel 6, the one with no toilet seats. Motel 6, why can't you spring for toilet seats? And a shower drain that Otterpop was obsessed with and wanted to rub her body all over. Eeeeewww. Bring you own sheets and wear socks at all times so that you can keep 4 dogs in your motel room with you and no one cares.

Black Beauty, totally one of the gang. I think she deserves better in life than sidekick of Team Small Dog. Gary wants her gone. I happen to adore her and tried to sell her at the dog show but no one wants a lap dog chihuahua at dog agility. I love you Black Beauty! She just does whatever you want. This is one grateful little dog. Doesn't someone have a cool auntie that will dote on this dog and buy it sweaters? Little collars with faux diamonds and a matching tote bag? Come on you guys, it's a CHIHUAHUA!

Yeah so anyways. The shower drain. No! The Starters Jumpers. Gustavo was like, why you so nervous? He's been to a million agility trials, was no sweat for him. I had no idea what he would do. Run away? Act like he's never done this? Go slow? Bark at a judge? Just run around in circles like a squirrel?

Hell No! Acted like a trained dog! Just flew around, had a super fast time, and that was that. 18 seconds of Super Fun! Like did just what we practice at home! Like felt flawless and fast and FABULOUS!

* sing along now, Sonic Youth friends:
My friend Goo!
Your first Q!
You knew exact-aly what to do!
Your dirty hair.
Flies everywhere.
Cuz you are running like you actually care.
*wow Sorry Kim Gordon that I am a geek. Do you like dogs Kim Gordon?

Other dogs? I think Otterpop may have won all her classes. No one got the gamble. Was one of those freak hard ones which Makes Us More Thoughtful Dog Trainers. Everyone said, "Oh you should have been at the dog show last weekend with the EASY gambles." Oh well. We only have so many buckets of money to throw at these dog shows. Good runs all around. Otterpop, rocked. No judge issues. Thanks Judge Peggy that doesn't crowd dogs. Actually pretty darn fast and accurate and had a good day.

Ruby, was old Ruby back! Just ran her on 2 runs, didn't get the gamble and had a weird handling mishap in jumpers for a 5 faulter but still. Maybe likes the relaxed 5 hrs between runs? Dunno what it was but she was happy and easy and super fast and just no issues at all. Well hey. She just wanted to be semi retired? Whatever. Me too. We keep doing this easy schedule with her and see how it goes.

If she can walk. Because bonehead leaped up to the contraband zone called Kitty Area to eat cat food when I got home, ended up hanging upside down by her right hind leg stuck in a gap and as I write this, can't walk. Doesn't seem painful enough to rush to emergency vet, but was hanging upside down with her back leg bent behind her for like 10 seconds. Much dog screaming involved by this. Poor Ruby. Cross your fingers for her. She can be one helluva diva about things, so we'll see. Do I seem pretty blase for having a possibly very lame dog? Can I tell you how many times this dog has been lame? Yeah. Take a rimadyl and call me in the morning.

Foster dogs that want to be adopted.

Located in Santa Cruz CA. These dogs were left when a laborer from my ranch moved his family abruptly. They belonged to his kids. These dogs lived outside in a pen near his trailer and were abandoned when he moved. Please email me at laura@teamsmalldog.com to inquire about them.


The larger dog is named Katrina. We think she is approx 1 yr old. She is not spayed yet, and has a herniated umbilical cord that our vet says can easily be removed when she is spayed. She is approx 20lbs, and we are calling her a beagle dachshund corgi jack russel. She was the shyer dog of the 2, and is blossoming staying with a family, including sleeping in one of the kid's bed with her, and playing with their lab.

She has been taking walks and is becoming much more friendlier and happy. This dog seems to want to chase cats! She also seems like she could have some drive and be a fun agility dog. She loves to run around and loves to jump up and give you a hug.


Black Beauty the chihuahua has been living with me. We think she is approx 5 years old. She is not spayed yet. She weighs approx 8lbs. She gets along with dogs and cats great. She is always shy to meet someone new, then warms up. She gets along great with kids-that very cute redheaded model in the picture dragged her around on a leash or carried her around like a baby for about 6 hrs one day. I think this dog would love to be someone's devoted companion dog. She has gone to agility class, a trial, stayed in Motel 6, crated on long car rides, played at the beach, gone to work with me, pretty much the most easy going dog I've ever had around here. She's happy to do whatever you want but really, really wants to just sit in the lap of her special person. She is housebroken. She is actually pretty sporty for such a tiny dog, and maybe has a little terrier in there somewhere.

Both these dogs are really special and want great homes!

Hi in the episode you can actually see the melting happen!

Laurie, my yoga teacher said if you are prone to stress and anxiety, you should try 1/2 an hour of pranayama practice in the morning. I say this as if I go to yoga all the time frequently sometimes someday. I am not exactly sure what this bananarama is, but I think it involves laying around on some pillows and imagining a beach and breathing through your nose. Because you have an extra half hour sitting around and not 4 insane dogs leaping on you if you make a move to lay on dog hair covered floor.

OoooKaaay. Deep Breath Start. I had no internet. Email in in front seat of car in front of internet cafe. Wifi Pirate. Guys. I breathe internet. Choking noises ensue and the internet dead and needs a new part? I have had this dsl since the dinosaurs, weird hair band fella at Circuit City. What you do when it breaks?

They tried to tow my truck. Not car am sitting in. Hooptdy truck that lives on the street. Which has to go where the weave poles were-driveway. Gustavo!!! We have been trying to practice but the stress of it all! Black Beauty lives at my house currently and will likely have an adventure to Motel 6 this weekend for Gustavo first dog show. She needs a home. Right dog for someone else, not us. She is matching and is sweet, but she is someone else's dog. Hi Someone, come and get her! A nice single lady that will tote her places!

Uh. Other dog. Whole other story. Project dog. Someone get her please! Olympian is at Barn. They all spook at Cow Jump. Godamn horse went down to it's knees. Am dusty and sore. Then Fed Ex guy won't deliver. Is not fault of dogs. Just fault of no signature due to know one ever home. Is not because am at yoga class. Means now we are standing in line at Fed Ex place.

Finding dog homes via email w No Internet. Easy! Someone take this chihuahua! Then the pitbull puppy was chasing them down the street and finally caught it. Stupid lady. But at least did not tow truck. Drag dog to alley to meet lady thanks cel phone. Little shit of a dog. Involves way more running than normal for 8am in the street.

Then all the people start calling about the horses. Except have to leave for work to get there by 7am? What time is that? When is the internet? No one at Circuit City knows if this internet machine works with Macs. So much hair gel on employees in their red shirts? There are routers and modems. Much eye rolling every time I say Mac. Which one broke? Hiya! Sarah Palin?

Take BB for interview. You guys, reading this? Because check email during BB interview. Crack that is internet. She is a good girl but only wants to be on Team Small Dog. Look at Maia, BB. Tell her through telepathy new mommie. 12 hr days yet getting dark early and dark in am!

How many hours spent trying to make an internet in the dresser drawer? How many dogs am sneaking into Motel 6? Which have to leave late for due to Olympian? Wait am in Live Chat room with Sherrie 22186 in India! She will help make the internet work. What time is it? Hello dinner? Sherrie 22186 says via the chatting:
set Radio Band to 20 MHz and set Standard Channel to 11. Then save the settings.
2. Go to the "Wireless Security". Right below the Wireless tab you can see Basic wireless settings and right beside Basic Wireless settings is Wireless Security sub tab.
3. Click on the drop down arrow for Security Mode and choose WPA Personal.
4. Make sure that it is set to TKIP.

Uh? Well. No sleep later, one chihuahua that is learning to sleep in a bed and be potty trained later, still need to leave for work like right NOW but having an internet is perfect version of pranayama bananarama for me. Can breathe again. Thanks Sherrie 22186, wherever you are. And one new blinking light machine to add to drawer.

Start Your Own Team Small Dog

All right, serious. Someone take this dog. It's one of the chihuahuas dumped by the laborer that split town over the weekend. I love this dog. Also, fyi. I have no internet big time. Uh. Of course I just sent out a million emails about this dog.

Her name is Black Beauty. Maybe 8lbs or so. Very sweet lapdog. One of those appleheady chihuahuas. Would love to see her go to some devoted Grandma or Auntie or dog purse toting someone. Not afraid of men or cats, has been happy to meet everyone and grows more social by the minute. Really likes sitting on laps. Has been dragged to agility class, all over in the car, sits at work in a crate. Loves living inside a house. Has spent her life in a little pen near a trailer in the dirt til now.

Not sure if housebroken, am supposing not and she is learning quick. No agility dog skills, we started working on Sit today. Gets along great with Team Small Dog. I think they are a little jealous of her because she is VERY cute. She looks like a mini Ruby.

Someone take this dog!

Just shake your head back and forth REALLY fast and the bad photos will sort of look like moving pictures.

Guess who came to visit me yesterday? The fedex guy. Sorry for the barking, fedex guy!

He brought me a box and in the box was a new camera. Sort of looks like my old camera but the note said, couldn't find the parts to fix your old camera so here's a new one. Holy cow! It's name, camera buffs, is Canon Powershot S5 IS. It's not a digital SLR but it plays one on tv. So you can do the thingys with the aperture and the shutters. It is refurbished. Is that like reupholstered?

So I know you all like the drawings and stuff, but hello, aloha and snackadoodle, I sure do like to take pictures!

Here's some videos I shot with it today.

Ha fooled you! Yep. Because I don't know how to use this camera like AT ALL!


Enjoy this shot of my pants. Instead of everyone's stellar dogwalks.


Weave poles with full wires. Instead of the video showing him running them with these then half of these.


Here's a nice one I like to call you would have seen them all do the teeter. Featuring my hand and Otterpop.

Team Small Dog Courtroom Drama-Episode 3

All right. I just bit the bullet, was my day off, and I decided What the Hell. In the order of things of which to procrastinate on, which is better? Christmas Shopping or Getting a Court Date or Repainting the House? Yeah. A no brainer. Court date way more the funner thing of those three. So Monday being day off, after a nice, illegal throw-tennis-ball-in-the-waves morning at the beach, threw sandy, tired dogs in the car drove to Court to stand in my line at the ticket window to see if they could decipher the words from the form I told you about in Episode 2. That one, Courtroom Drama Episode 2 so riveting all the comments were about Carnivale. Because really. I cannot compete with what is going to happen to Ben Hawkins when he finds Henry Scudder and we figure out the whole no legged Russian who talks like a woman connection and how Brother Justin ended up being the actual devil and tries to end the world which Sarah Palin just would write off as God's plan anyways so maybe Ben Hawkins could have just saved himself the trouble, because the whole inbred Granny camp thing was really a big headache for him.


So a very nice lady took all my paperwork and commented on how organized I was since I had taken the trouble to paperclip my now 3 documents together. Looked it over, and said, "So that's going to be $211 to pay the fine."

"I'm Not Guilty." Finally, got to tell someone in the court this! Even if just the lady in Tina Fey glasses at the ticket window.

I whipped out my notepad. Needed to get notes on what she was going to tell me next since the court paper was too hard to understand.

She said, "In that case, you have 2 choices." She got her pen out and drew me a little diagram. I love you Tina Fey glasses lady!

"You can either pay the bail right now, which is the same as the fine, and then schedule a court date after that. Or, you can stand before the judge in an arraignment hearing, tell her you're not guilty, and ask for a trial date."


She said the judge is a Her. Judge Judy? It won't be Judge Judy, right? I am HORRIFIED by Judge Judy. Not many people scare me, but Judge Judy does. I think Judge Judy lives in LA on a tv set. Not here.

Even with potential Judge Judy thoughts, I am like, "I need an arraignment." Because I am Not Guilty. And I don't want to pay all these courts and State Parks and all a penny. Not a dime.

"Uh, can the judge tell me I can't have a trial?" I am picturing Judge Judy yelling at me and saying just put your damn dogs on a leash like the sign says and throwing me out of court. Or having Bert escort me out and they snicker about me right there in front of my face.

"No. You have the Right to a Fair Trial." This is why I pay taxes. For like one second I am proud to be an American then I think about the mortgage industry and John McCain and I'm not quite as proud but, but I have a glimmer, right there at the ticket window thanks to Tina Fey glasses lady. I am going to listen to Bruce Springsteen on the way home in the car and sing along.

She got out a little chart of arraignment and court times and a highlighter. I LOVE you ticket lady! Here is the info we have been trying to get. Diagrams and highlighters! Next to me in the other ticket window line, a guy is asking for espanol. His ticket lady isn't speaking any espanol and I guess the espanol lady isn't in today. I get the feeling he isn't getting any highlighter diagrams and medals for paper clipping his papers together. You can only be proud to be an American if you speak good english here at Minor Violations and Traffic Court. They're still going over espanol and nobody espanol today. Goddamn, other ticket lady. Half our county only speaks espanol. Figure out a way to help the guy out like my ticket lady does.

So she goes over more stuff with me and goes over it again. I could ask to have my fee reduced if I wanted then, or just try and get my trial. If I did want to pay bail, I would get it back if I was found not guilty but it might take over a month. She has lots of interesting info for me about court stuff. I told her I appreciate all the info, because I am not used to being part of the legal system. First timer here.

"It's good you're writing it all down. A lot of people don't and they forget, and if you don't show up at the arraignment, it's a $300 fine. People do that all the time. Just try to stay organized." She grabs up all her diagrams and staples them onto my growing little packet. Which now is topped by a form called RELEASE ON OWN RECOGNIZANCE, NOTICE OF HEARING DATE. PEOPLE OR THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA VS. DEFENDANT LAURA HARTWICK.

"I'm trying to be a good citizen, especially since I'm Not Guilty." There. Said it again. Is like rehearsal. Even if the judge ends up deciding I actually broke a law, which actually I did, I stand behind the fact that I am doing nothing wrong out there, walking through a field with my dogs not on their leashes, as has historically been the prior usage there. Rehearsal.


"Anything else I need to know?" Poor guy with no english still over there at the other window. Like if I was having a hard enough time figuring this whole thing out and taking notes and needing a highlighted diagram, I think this guy in big trouble. A lot of people I think might be lawyers walk by, they all walk fast. Suits, ties, good haircuts, briefcases. Possible costuming ideas for my arraignment, note to self. I'm in sandy and wet jeans. Guy with no english, looks like a laborer. Next guy waiting for a turn, shorts and surf sweatshirt and flip flops. Very Santa Cruz, down here in the court basement.


She has no other important info. Wishes me well. Arraignment date is next Monday, Sept. 22, 1:30pm. Stay tuned for the next episode.