07 May 2019

Sing the star spangled whatever whatever for Banksy.

Here is Banksy's win on spot at the World Team Tryouts, held at the indoor soccer and fun with roller hockey and children games park on turf in a San Jose office park!

Many people flew and drove here from all across the country to run two standard two jumpers to try to WIN their way on to the World Team, the big cheese of dog agility, where they will all put on ugly red white and blue track suits and carry matching tote bags to fly to Finland for more dog agility in September. They will eat unusual foods that may have roasted reindeer meat tossed in and they will either win or get their asses horribly beat by Fins and Swedes and Germans and Russians and fly home. They will be extra devastated if their dogs do something weird or if they cause an off course but extra elated if they get through the run clean. Everyone will sing and dance and wave flags for them if they win a medal.

Forever after they are referred to as Former World Team members when they are gossiped about behind their backs. If they actually won a medal then hopefully are able to use this clout for things like sending in late trial entries or whatever other dog agility perks are needed for the rest of their lifetimes. It's a good time for them to go teach some seminars or start an online class because it's actually pretty hard to beat those Swedes and so forth so they have some skills if they've just won a medal and they are probably out of money from flying a dog so far and wanting to pick up some souvenirs along the way.

Usually people who win their spots on continue to make World Teams in the future. This is probably because they are actually very, very good at dog agility and work very, very hard at it. People who are just pretty good and work pretty hard at it use them as role models of how to get very, very good and take their online classes or try to move their arms about just like them but most of the time fail at this.

So probably you figured out by now we didn't win a spot on. We are in the second group.

Also this would have been really hard since Banksy was sitting at home doing things like Not Doing Anything.

This list includes:
Not running
Not walking very fast
Not walking very far
Any walking is on a leash
Not playing with toys
Not playing in the house
Not playing in the garden
Not shaking dog beds or blankets even if it's your special blanket shaking blanket
Not sitting or climbing on any furniture
Not sitting in your special window spot where you look for my car to come home
Not having any fun at all whatsoever at all.

She is allowed to wear the stupid $300 necklace. That's what it's supposed to be doing with it's molecules and binding and growth factors. In my obsessive, frantic, wild eyed polling of every single person I know who was at the World Team Tryouts who had to hear about Banksy's weird limping and ended up ending the conversation by backing away slowly or saying, Oh I have to go get my Dog, some of them think such things are complete bullshit. And some of them think they are amazing and why didn't I think of earlier? And some of them think I should have sprung for the $600 dog bed version of this. Some of them think I should fly her across the country to a better doctor right away or at least try the one 3 hours away. Some of them think if I believe, the necklace will actually work and she will heal but it won't work if I don't believe.

We seem to be having the belief results currently as Banksy is off and on limping again. Mostly I grouch around and drive my husband crazy saying things like "Well, I would just rather she be a normal dog with a slight limp forever and get to run around the park and go to the beach than try to keep her sound for agility so I am probably going to quit agility with her forever and just be over it and blah blah blah blah blah."

Usually when I say stuff like this he just ignores me and keeps watching the basketball playoffs. If I really want to be mopey I do it at the exciting end when the Warriors are almost going to get that last basket or home run or what have you because then no one can hear my whining.

If an agility lady cries during the home run and no one hears it is she actually crying? Consider that, grasshoppers.

Gustavo is all, he's cool, let's walk slowly on leashes around the block again! He's game for anything.

Otterpop has no idea what's going on and is stuck in the orange dog car for our trip around the block. She may or may not poop in the orange dog car so it's a good day if she doesn't.

The trip around the block is usually between .78 and .85 miles and takes a variety of time depending on how long I let everyone sniff things at the vacant lot. I know the exact amount now because my bestie, a Former World Team member by the way so make sure to let her enter trials late without giving her a bad time as she does not teach seminars or hold online classes, gave me her old fitbit watch that also explodes with joy when I walk ten thousand steps in a day. Which is pretty funny because I normally walk like five million so not sure why it's so excited. I programmed it so when I put it on it says Hi BANKSY!!!! But it's perfect because I can see exactly how far Banksy can walk without limping or exactly how far she walks before she limps so that's pretty cool to have more exact scientific data to go along with the molecules. Also maybe it could talk to the necklace because it talks to my phone.

"Make Banksy better", I yell at my fitbit. It says my heart rate is 53 then the screen goes black.

Banksy is not excited. She is depressed and has no idea why I'm so mean and making her life so boring and stupid. She would like to do agility. She would like to shake her blanket. She's grouchy and paranoid and stares at me from across the floor where she has to lay on the ugly Costco throw rugs I've brought back out from the garage since god forbid her legs slip when she walks on the hardwood floors and she has no beds anymore because of the shaking.

So sing her some star spangled banner. Hit the high notes with some flair. Congrats if you made the team and give it another go next year if you didn't. Red white and blue  probably clash with my hair and skin tones, so that's cool. We'll cheer from the livestream view.

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