Good Morning 2013 and we will start out this year with a useful smartphone tutorial.

Well, I looked back in time and realized that 2012 was going to be our champion year. We mucked that one up pretty good. But because I have a sunny, positive outlook, I can look at this from a different point of view, one where Everyone Comes Out a Winner! So, Yay!

I was thinking it would be nice to have some inspirational topics for 2013. My friend Laurel didn't much like the top ten I used from Otterpop to finish out last year, so I tried to think of one from Gustavo. He is not so much for words. Also, he is sitting on my lap. Also, he hasn't run away in a week and I only put his leash on when we walked by the cliffy bit on our walk the other day, where he has been known to jump off. So, Yay!

While I was missing from here, I upgraded my life in December to become one of those iphone people. I drew a lot of dogs last month. Possibly even yours. And if you still want a drawing, totally order one here and i will totally do it. I dig drawing dogs. I dig getting me some money. Do you see the happy sparklers shooting out my eyes?

So I have an iphone now. In hindsight, I don't know that was a good use of buckets of money that came pouring in. I should have bought the benevolent livestock or paid property taxes. Iphone creeps me out A LOT. It was like I was the one that just jumped off that cliff, just to be on the other side and then too late, realized everything that glitters might actually be a just a drop into the sea where there's no climbing back up. We'll see. I do, actually, know how to swim.

So I have been taking photos with iphone. I carry it in my jacket pocket.


I have also learned how to turn it off except for taking photographs by pretending we are traveling on a plane. So I posess iphone but I like best when somewhat dead, sheathed in it's little sneaker coating, inert in my pocket and hopefully not breaking since I now pay a bundle of life money for it's well being.

Here's how you can render yours emasculated and quiet, if you didn't know:

Slide and Click the bits til you are in the settings arena. Slide it to trick it to think you are on an airplane. You will know this done when you see the tiny plane flying on the corner. Call me, text me, if you want, bitches, but in my mind, I am traveling the skies, floating around up there, moving faster than you ever will. Unless you also, are on a plane.


It thinks I'm flying, you think I'm flying. Then I can walk around in peace and quiet, with this creepy thing in my pocket. It still possesses powers of evil just laying there, even though we're both pretending that we're high up in the sky, tiny machine in my pocket. But we both know that the ghost of Steve Jobs and his minions riding the big black Apple buses to work are way smarter than I ever will be, and that iphone knows I'm tricking it.

I think that is how 2013 is going to be. There are truths that are self evident. These are declared, ignored, then interpreted from different points of view and perhaps circumvented with heads slightly buried in sand. You can fly a magic satellite camera to the North Pole and see the ice melting with your very own 2 eyes. Even though the camera rocketship is somewhat responsible for the crushing drip. But, right ON! Magic satellite camera of wonder, and the oohs and aahs that it produces. And then you just keep oohing and aahing so as to forget until the ice water warms up and comes your way.

So like, RIGHT ON! Dog agility!

Gustavo will sum that up the magic now, in his top ten. And we walk onwards. And if you catch me in the right mood, I might just take your call.