Welcome to International Dog Agility Workers Day.

It has come to my attention that agility workers are being exploited with grueling work days and hard jobs offering no pay or health benefits. That's right. No pay. They are not being provided with adequate safety equipment. Workers are not being compensated for performing dangerous jobs at trials, and the time has come to speak out against this bourgeoisie exploitation of the proletariat of the dog world.


Do you hear this, agility workers of the world? There is no reason to stand for this oppression and the time for uprising is now.


That's right. You want that a-frame moved? The right size legs put on the table? The chute lovingly fluffed and securely fastened on to it's plastic barrel? These jobs are performed by skilled agility workers, and agility workers around the world have decided to leave the equipment where it lies. The jump order is tall to small? Well, those jump bars are still sitting out there in a plastic garbage can in the trailer and they're not getting out to that ring anytime soon unless basic, humanitarian needs of workers worldwide are met.


Union busting radicals disguised as trial organizers historically have plied workers with sparkly little trinkets like sandwiches and raffle tickets. Those bastards. Workers can see right through these ploys to lull workers into the lazy complacency of corporate tyranny.


They use cloying terms such as volunteerism. For the good of the sport. Community. Grass roots. Then they whirl around with a sneer and shriek at one of our brethren for not setting the tire at the right height. And perhaps leaving it's little chain dangling at the top. Which really is a safety hazard and shouldn't take a rocket scientist to remember that you have to wrap it around the thingy at the top so the big dogs don't whack their heads on it?


There are 12 hour days with no breaks. Porta potties being provided for bathroom facilities with no hot water, no mirrors, and the cheapest, low grade toilet paper that K-mart offers on two-for-one day.


Workers aren't provided with basic safety equipment for heroic acts such as resetting dropped bars between the opening and closing rounds of snooker. Occasionally, child labor is used for the of running leashes from one gate to the other, working their little toesies to the bone.


The time is now for the masses to revolt. The fat cats sitting up there on top of their dogwalks made of gold are in for a rude awakening as the quiet growl of revolution grown less faint. They may argue that the workers benefit from the fruits of their labors. With what? A tiny dog show ribbon? A crappy piece of pvc for earning a title of distinction?


No. The time is ripe for workers to band together. They have nothing to lose but their choke chains. Not that any of them were using these. Their comfortable, velcro attached dog harnesses. Nothing to lose but those. And possibly their silvery mesh shade cloths. And folding chairs with little cupholders. And also maybe their little fans that they attach on the side of their dog crates to blow cool air in on their dogs.


But aside from that, nothing to lose. Except also maybe running their dogs. Because in an anarchy state, who knows how to set the measuring tape on the center line so the courses get built right? And the electronic timers? And good god. The score table.


And there would be no jars of candy or muffins on the score tables because no one is going to do a Costco run now? Oh, and no broad jump because only like 3 people know what size that's supposed to be in Steeplechase and now they're out marching?


Oh, and also, actually, there would be no ice. Um, or equipment trailers with all the stuff. And the potential mayhem at the gate without a gate steward would be even uglier than any revolution in the streets. Actually, pretty dangerous. Oh yeah, and the motorhome people duking it out without anyone to arrange the parking places. And there wouldn't even be judges since who would hire them, and even if they magically showed up because they booked their flights on their own credit cards, no one around to find them murderer-free hotel rooms and rental cars.

So likely, everybody might just need to stay home and actually, no use for dog agility workers anymore.

So not sure if marching still necessary? Just hold off on the uprising? And everybody take a turn at setting some bars.