01 October 2010

Mental management, which may have something to do with unclean thoughts made clean and sparkling through organized and planned thinking expeditions.

Last night, when I was brisk-fast-striding down to the beach with the dogs, a guy walked right up to me on the park strip path. We locked eyes from 20 paces away, and I think my paces were far more brisk than his, because my paces fight fat and build muscle at a rate faster than a side of fries with extra added handmade, artisan ice cream with toffee chunks. I hope.

As he walked right up to me, he looked me dead in the eye and said, "You make Caesar proud."

And then he kept going and I kept going our separate directions. He had a little mini beard that featured no mustache, and wore clothes of all black and red. I may have broken my stride for just a moment, because how often does an oracle approach you and tell you something of great importance about Caesar?

I right away pictured Caesar in a toga, standing atop a monumental white pediment, waving around his arms and wearing leaves stuck into his balding, George Clooney hair cut. I tried to picture him giving a speech, except I couldn't remember what Caesar did exactly. Non benevolent dictator of Ancient Rome who died something something recalling art historical images with flowing robes?

I'm not sure why the oracle thought I was making him proud, but I thought it must be an important clue having to do with Otterpop's championess. Because earlier in the day, I fashioned her a Thought Bonnet out of off brand Reynolds Wrap, and had her spend some time with her thoughts staying stewed in her head. I figured the foil would hold them in, just like it keeps alien gamma rays out if you tape it to your windows.

I made her wear the bonnet in the morning. Because the night before, she had the air of a champ, and I wanted to preserve these brain waves. Instead of making my lunch, I fashioned the bonnet and fitted her little head, and then asked her to think good mental thoughts. I put her outside in the fern bushes to do this. She is good at staying where you put her when she thinks there's a purpose. She understood, and complied.

My husband noticed this. He rarely comments on things in our house, like when I'm late for work and making dog hats out of foil. Because he has learned that there is usually a very good reason. A Thought Bonnet. Of course. That Otterpop will spend part of every day wearing to improve her Mental Management.

I'm not totally sure how the Ceasar oracle fits into this, but I assume he does. Later, I realized maybe he meant Caesar Milan and he'd be proud just because I was good at walking around with dogs. I think Julius Caesar actually is cooler and more like something you would channel with a Thought Bonnet so we're sticking with that Caesar. Though there's also Ceasar salad, like salad making makes me proud? Like I'm not afraid of no raw egg?

Regardless, I think that I will have her keep wearing the Thought Bonnet, and think of inspirational thoughts, and keep those champion feelings intact. For the mental management. She can think about Caesar and Oprah, Jerry Brown and Secretariat. I will put it on after her and try to do the same. I may instead think about Exene during the early years, and those professional tennis ladies in their little dresses that grunt so loudly when they hit the ball. And also sucking in my stomach. I hope this counts.


team small dog said...

Sure, I will put some on Etsy this weekend. They have adjustable sizing so should fit many sizes of skull circumference. I can't vouch for the effectiveness yet, but this fact should not daunt early adopters. Or people that keep foil in their windows.

Anonymous said...

I might need one of these . . .