Did you ever dream that you were a dog agility super champ except then it switched and you were at some germy, grungy, derelict seaside park in the dark and the carnies were actually drug addled zombies that were shambling after you with hammers and their big teeth? And then as you're trying to escape your way out from under their oily, horrible claws by clambering up a rat infested palm tree, you're all, this is about dog agility like, how?
28 July 2010
Useful tips for ways to utilize your friendly, local forest.
You know, there are some days you deal with crazy people. On these days, can I advise you to keep your temper inside between your ears where it belongs? Do a lot of counting. Then count again.
It is best, on these days, to make sure to try out a new path when you finally head into the forest. If a dog goes so weirdo, swimstick crazy at the swimming hole that she starts spontaneous projectile barfing, you remove the swimstick and set off down yet a different path. Away from the creek and to the grove that once held the biggest trees.
You know what someone did there, a long time ago? Chopped them down. For houses, barns, and decks. With long, toothy saws. Not sure how they drug 'em out. Horses, I guess. Maybe laid train tracks in a danger mouse pattern up the ravine. Tied big, rusty chains around their girth and yanked on them until they were out.
Now I just stay the dogs up there on those stumps. Some of the stumps are massive and I have to shove everyone up there like I'm stacking up marshmallow birds on a ledge. This is where we stop thinking about things like swimsticks and crazy people. This is where we stay for a pretty long time and hope no one else comes by until we're done. To get out of here, I have to climb up a tiny path by pulling on dusty tree roots. The dogs just run, they have extra legs.
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