30 December 2009

Team Small Dog reviews Sherlock Holmes starring Robert Downey Jr. for all the dog agility ladies and everybody else, too.

So it starts out like this. Robert Downey Jr. is my boyfriend. No, wait. He's Dr. Watson Jude Law's boyfriend. No, wait. He's criminal mastermind super foxy lady's boyfriend. And can she wear a mean Victorian inspired frock. No, wait. The answer is, Robert Downey Jr. is my new dog agility boyfriend.

He lives in a giant Victorian mansion with his other boyfriend Dr. Jude Watson Law and does experiments on their big fat bulldog. There are many dogs in this movie and I will tell you right now. Not one of them dies! If you are an animal rights fan, you will not like it that he does experiments on the bulldog, but you already know it won't die, so no underpants in any wads, righty-o? And since Robert Downey Jr. is my boyfriend, I am ok with all the experiments because, guess what? It will help us solve the mystery!

Look for circus dogs! Beggar dogs! Fancy dog walking dogs! A fair amount of dogs in this movie, and how much do we love it that no dogs will die. Many horse points, too.

The mystery involves Satan taking over the world, which would obviously be a super ginormous bummer so luckily my boyfriend is handling it. None of the black magic voodoo devil worshipers have dogs. They do have big black cloaks though. Here is a clue. Pay special attention to Satanic footwear.

During which you will be treated to such sights as:
  • A Victorian lab with taxidermy diorama domes and much taxidermy equipment which will be used to solve the mystery!
  • Robert Downey Jr. uses slow motion brain-cam to help solve crimes and beat up bad guys, and let me tell you. This slow motion brain-cam, applied to agility, would eliminate all E's from screeeeming monkeeeee agility forever!
  • Lots of wall writing interior decor. If you enjoy handwritten and carved walls, you will like this movie.
  • Robert Downey Jr.'s rippling abs which make you wonder, can the guy ever eat anything but salad and if I eat salad for 3 months, can I have such rippling abs?
  • Lots of heavy chains and wood! Boats! Horses! Weird teeth!
Robert Downey Jr. is a super sleuth, obviously, he's Sherlock Holmes, and he figures out a very, puzzling mystery by the end of the movie. With a mind like Robert Downey Jr.'s, the USDAA would totally know where the Nationals are going to happen in 2010. Mystery, solved! But this is why Robert Downey Jr. is my new dog agility boyfriend, and not Mr. Ken Tatsch.

I believe Robert Downy Jr. would enjoy UKI Agility, anyways, based on all the London-y things you will see in this movie. Much twisty, turny, Euro-challenge intrigue. Not sure if director Guy Ritchie knows Greg Derrett? Anyone know? Cheery-o.

Many opportunities for practicing talking with your British accents after this movie. Which might also be helpful for UKI Agility. Unless your accent comes out sort of Canadian sounding. Which could be useful for hanging out with Susan Garrett? Unless, is it sort of offensive to talk with people from other ethnicities such as Canadian in fake accents? Because I am getting really good at saying About in Canadian. Like this. A Boot. And in UKI. A butt. Practice makes perfect, righty-o!

Anyways. Many thumbs up and everyone, I hope you like the movie.


vici whisner said...

oh no! Robert Downey Jr. is my boyfriend. Has been for years. He doesn't know it, so that might be where the confusion of him thinking he could be your boyfriend and all, but I've got a claim on him! It sucks he has such a nice cute wife that has stood by him during his rehab days, but I've stayed by him too, he just wasn't aware of me.

Ok, so anyways, I liked Sherlock Downey Jr. and Dr. Watson was ok. I'm looking forward to Ironman 2 :)

Elf said...

Best review! How can I miss seeing this dog movie now?!

Double S said...

Canadian ethnicity... rotflmao!

Yet again, TSD rules!!!

Sarah Duke said...

"With a mind like Robert Downey Jr.'s, the USDAA would totally know where the Nationals are going to happen in 2010."

Had me LOL at work this morning! Great post, may have to go see this now.