12 August 2009

The Handling Systems are at war and Gustavo receives a message from God.

I know. Everybody thought Team Small Dog was going to explain how to keep those rock hard No Go Zones looking just like Beyonce's today. Or threadles involving a gopher, a wheelbarrow, and a bucket of pudding. But wait. Change in plans. Who can think about the No Go Zone and threadles because when we were walking down to the beach last night, all of a sudden, Gustavo stops dead in his tracks, with a somewhat addled look on his face. Which can only mean one thing. Stump! Or, actually, garbage can! Or, message from the higher power and the higher power is driving a big white van and maybe has a message from Greg Derrett! Sort of like in Monty Python and the Holy Grail and the Sleestacks are friends with the monkey boy and then the talking ape is on the beach and so is the Statue of Liberty's head?

Whoa! Trippy! Actually, the van was parked in the parking lot of the grocery store. Like you guys are outside practicing your double box work, but around here we have to go the store after work and then run the dogs and we need to buy something healthy to eat because if we want our No Go Zone to look like Beyonce's, you can't just have quesadilla's for dinner every night.

Actually, we had quesadilla's for dinner last night. Don't tell Jay-Z. Wait. The important message about the War of the Handling Systems is to Help the Cops? What about conquering hate, fear, greed, lust, the flesh and innocent birds?

Have Official Handling System Representatives weighed in on this? Susan Garrett has thanked us for our efforts already. Not sure if Greg Derrett and Linda Mecklenberg are down with Help the Cops. And there's Marcus Topps. Where does he fall in all of this? Silvia Trkman? Do they have systems? Don't even get me started on Jenny Damm. There is NO WAY the cops need help with Jenny Damm. I am sort of worried Gustavo got his message wrong?

I guess if you're helping the cops, barking at Otterpop is a good place to start. She is probably planning something illegal. She is probably impersonating Sarah Palin right now in an unflattering and ungenerous way and should be arrested. Isn't Sarah Palin retired now? Totally ready to start dog agility! But you know what? Sarah Palin could do agility and she could even use the APHS and we would still be nice to her. We would lure her in with our niceness and then she could be arrested because she's been lured. Even though luring is actually not such good dog training. But could work for Sarah Palin. Is that like helping the cops?

How about Dick Cheney? If he used the GD handling system and showed up at a USDAA trial, would it be ok if a GD handler called the cops or according to Handling War Accords, an APHS handler would be more appropriate? Like you Oregon ladies? Aren't a lot of the Oregon ladies APHS? Or is it just wrong to utter the name Dick Cheney? Like sort of playing the Hitler card and cancels out everything that comes after? OK. Scratch him. Poor taste. Like he could even do agility anyways. Let's say Snoop Dogg. He's a little sketchy law wise. If he was at dog agility and started smoking pot at the gate before a run, who would help the cops? Do they need a warrant? But what if he supports the President's new healthcare reform?

This is getting pretty rhetorical here. Otterpop grows bored.

Here's how I can peak her interest. Just add the word frisbee to Gustavo's message from God.
Frisbee help the cops. Help the frisbee cops. Help the cops frisbee.

Uh, oh. Blasphemy. And the sky grew dark, and there was a rumbling sound and she had to start running for her life. All biblical and shit? Someone getting medieval on someone's ass? Otterpop needs to help the cops? Wait, did anyone even do a blind cross? Don't Ruby's good citizen points count for ANYTHING? And Gustavo speaks with God or possibly it's just aliens, but still?


Elf said...

I am SO relieved about the eating of seaweed; I was starting to get really worried about whether I'd ever master ANY of the handling systems, but this gave me hope that there are maybe MANY things that are not prohibited by any of hte handling systems! Onward to Regionals!

And my secret word verification for today is Rumsti which sounds like it ought to have something to do with Dick Chenti. It all fits!

Anonymous said...

so, um, was that sg post for real? does it mean we have to clean up our comments because of all the gazillions who will be reading from now on? and what about the TSD philosophy that GD RULES!!! but blank blank doesn't and some readers might be atheists who love agility. just wondering...

team small dog said...

Heck I didn't even know we were at war until a couple weeks ago.

I am like a total pacifist. I have been in anti-war protests before. I have marched! I may have a side but I live in a love bubble.

Every so often, Team Small Dog has a gazillion reader spike, and then it goes down to slightly under a gazillion. Team Small Dog readers are not big commenters, but actually there are many silent types out there that slip in, read, and then go on with their day.


Bud Houston said...

Great. I Google for clarity ("Trkman APHS" in this case); but find anarchy instead. Interesting that. I'll add you to my read list for those times I'm overwhelmed by being too serious.

Didn't even know I was in a war. Dang me. Right that you should blame it on the Republicans.


team small dog said...

The war is over, Bud Houston. We are now at peace. You were just tardy in jumping on the bus. We are all working on teaching TRUE running contacts now, instead of duking it out over handling systems. A fact, not fiction!