Greg Derrett's handling system made easy.

So my non dog agility friends. Do you ever wonder how we make the dogs tootle around our little courses out there? If you are my dad, your dog is very smart and could do it without ever having to practice a thing. I believe many people have this view of dog agility. Which is fine. Come and try it with me one day. Your ass will be so kicked and you will be in awe of the magical training powers us dog agility people use to get our dogs to go over and through and around.

Some of us even have a system. Sort of like betting on the ponies and making a lot of money. Or sitting, staring at a roulette ball in a drunken stupor for hours at a time trying to win back your money. Using your system. I have one for agility but I did not invent it, I subscribe to the system of Greg Derrett. Sort of like I subscribe to the New Yorker magazine. They come to my house all the time, with their colorful and witty covers. They sit on the table full of important information and well written things that make me cry at the whole well writtenness of them that I cannot ever hope to aspire to. Sometime they are full of very, very boring articles that would make me very smart and enriched to read and other times with articles that when I do get around to reading them make me very happy I have read a Whole Article in the New Yorker because it was about monkeys or earthquakes or a chef with cancer of the tongue. So I subscribe, but I don't always utilize to full advantage except in my mind.

Who is laughing out there that are my agility friends, because you are saying, Laura, you DO NOT USE a handling system! And you NEVER read the New Yorker! YES I do! But sometimes it is just in my mind and not in my body and OK, sometimes I just say I am running fast just haul ass running but I am a Trained System User!

So let's meet my New Yorker magazine of dog agility. Hi Greg Derrett! Let's say he is my agility boyfriend. He is from England and has talented border collies and a beautiful agility wife. I know. Some of you are his best friend and with his wife too. And now you will go and tell him I said that he's my agility boyfriend. That's fine. When I see Gwen Stefani I'll tell her you told me she is your Rock Star Girlfriend. We'll be even. But here's how I shall explain his handling system to you, my non agility friends who think perhaps I should be spending more time doing activities that are not dog agility. Let's put out the Twister mat, shall we?


All right. Stand facing me. Right foot on blue, left foot on yellow. We see a discrimination-aframe on the right, tunnel on the left. Right shoulder bends down to yellow, left hand down at side pointing towards yellow foot. Give shoulder, not the finger people! The technical term for this move is called Special Occasion Hand. Save it for the special occassion of the inside thing of the discrimination when you are worried over crossing a refusal line!

Easy, right?


OK. Both feet on blue now. You are driving at that aframe and you want the tunnel! Left hand out, over blues now up towards yellow and over green! Nice job! Tunnel not aframe! You just used Damn Thing Away From Me Arm! This should work from far distances if you are a good subscriber!


Now. Stick your dog on yellow, yellow blue blue next to you. We are going to threadle. You are on blue blue. Ready? Left foot up to yellow. Left hand and shoulder move inward, down towards the yellow on the right. Rotate! Right foot to red, hurry! Shoulder not finger again, right? Don't flick away! Yellow! Get to Yellow! Wait, Blue!! I said rotate. We use this threadle all the time. Not to be confused with twizzle.

OK. I could go on for hours here but you sort of get it, right? Are you subscribing? I am actually going to Review My Handling System this month since there are no dog shows for us until Fourth of July. Staying home to get Ruby back to herself and have some more time with Timmy. Do some actual jump training with Gustavo. It is going to be Consistency Time for Real, a Journey into Better Dog Agility and I am bringing all of you with me.