"A nice way to start a skip-a-dee doo dah day. I'm the happiest gir-ul in the Whole USA."
-Donna Fargo
So it is a pretty funny (tragic) idea that I would ever give diet tips because if you saw how I really eat you would wonder how does she even walk let alone sprint so beautifully (um, lumber?) around those dog agility courses with her blindingly fast dogs?
Because my line of work means I am outside on a ranch dragging horses about and making them bend and get lead changes and not put 5 strides down that line and trying to get her head DOWN to clip her ears, I am not sitting around on my butt most of the day. Not that I wouldn't like that! But it's just what I do. So for a long time it was ok to eat like a lumberjack at all times and it didn't really matter. Then I quit riding for what I thought was FOREVER to become first an ARTIST of art shows, and then after being too broke an ART Director of the dotcom where I sat on my butt and pretty much only got exercise when I was stomping out of meetings slamming the door and throwing pads of paper down on conference tables and shouting at all the other people. And I had to give away all the size 5 pants. So that didn't last real long and then I was a horse trainer again and lost that fatty office weight as soon as I had to start hefting people up and down off of horses again.
But then I went to an age that is over 40 and I learned about the over 40 fat! It is different and stickier. And I looked at the things I ate and they were very, very different than the Food Pyramid. I had 6 foodgroups, not 4!
I had the coffee group.
The pastry group. Includes donuts and cookies mostly.
The mexican food group.
The pizza group.
The candy group.
The alcohol group.
Sometimes I ate out of my food groups, but actually, no, I didn't.
And you are not supposed to eat these things due to there is no vitamins of health AND you will be fat. And I did not listen and somehow I was still healthy probably because I pay lots of money to eat these things from takeout and restaurants without cooking so I had bought my way to sparkling good health.
Um, now would be the part where I am writing the diet tips about the healthy diet I eat now.
So anyways, I'll conclude with I will eat a piece of healthy fruit sometime today!
7 comments:
Did you forget the salt group, or is that embedded in the mexican/pizza group?
Hey, you'll never believe who I met in Pogonip today. A woman who used to show Shelties is taking classes at UC to become a clothing designer for people in dog sports. She wants to design a line of clothing for people like us who would like something other than your husband's old cast-offs (or in my case, your daughter's old soccer wear). There's hope out there in the form of our up and coming youth!
Yes, the salt group just works in to those.
Wow if you run into this ex sheltie showing dog sport clothing designer you need to send her my way. If we all eat healthy diet eating for a few months we could be her models! She could pick our names off a poker chip in a black velvet bag like Heidi to see who is going to wear her special dog agility skort ensemble! This is very exciting news-good work Deb!
Deb! That's great! Is she Fashion Forward?
She's running on the trail so I can't really tell if she's fashion forward (like us in Longs, Mary). She did advise my running partner on her UC faculty outfit, what type of skirt she should wear, type of blouse and shoe. She likes one inch heals. Can we convince her to go for a clog (and the thong)?
You would bring up Longs, Deb. I'll admit it was a particularly pathetic moment for me. You looked fine. And then when I got home from running around at the fun match today (and eating brownies and drinking coke to compensate) there were teenagers with Sees candies in my living room. I know Team Small Dog warned against this danger. Maybe not strongly enough. I think I ate between 1 and 3 before I instructed everyone in the room not to allow me to eat any more no matter what I said or did. And then when they all went over to someone's house, I sneaked in and at the last one. Then I went to a barbecue at my brother's house and there were three kinds of pie and bread pudding. Which I ate. And then Ariel took an entire sirloin steak out of my brother's hand and ate it (the steak, not the hand.) I'm thinking this is all Laura's fault because she never actually got to the tips part of the diet tips in her blog today.
Yes, diet tips! I know, Laura should teach Gustavo to snatch that check-in table junk food out of our hands at Dirt Night. That would be our first tip. DON'T EAT CHECK-IN TABLE TREATS! Especially the Safeway goodies.
Some Tips:
See's candy is ranked Number One in Danger.
Check in table, brag cakes bad as well. Step away from the check in table.
Brownies=More calories than you ever imagined per bite. This is not a lie.
Select an item of healthy fruit. Keep fruit items in your purse and you can feed the cores to horses.
Keep the steaks away from dogs.
Pie is not our friend.
Do not use the Ben and Jerry's to stay awake for Dexter. No matter how close you live to the market.
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