04 December 2007

The glamour of it all.

Does this happen to you?

Any time someone EVEN THINKS there might be actual practicing happening, it is Team mayhem. Like I look at a table and MAYHEM! they are all up on the table. Any table! Even the one with the ipod plugs on it! Don't run over Timmy when you all go running for toys on the And Go! Really there is never genuine agility practicing at my house, but I guess it is the funny little pretend parts that sort of SEEM like agility. And Gustavo has his own personal weave poles (channels with wires, agility fans amongst you) in the driveway (mock me neighbors, but no stone throwing from people who hang toasters in their trees and still have the easter eggs scattered about their trash heap) and I am liable to stick his little contact board any old place for a target. Which to the rest of the Team, SEEMS enough like agility to cause mayhem of Excitement!

Non agility fans amongst you, this driveway business is sort of like the canvas priming, hard drive digging, brush cleaning, hammering and programming part of agility. Like you just have to keep doing it and repeating it when you are training the skills, before you can get to the totally RAD part of running around out there like a bat out of hell.

Like, I am not a rockstar, but I play one in my mind, and I think rockstaredness is like this. You have to practice and practice and practice and no one sees this or knows about it. Everyone sees the fun and glamorous part with the leather pants and on the stage and you're drunk and it is so FABULOUS, but most of the time it is the practicing and practicing and practicing. And making sure you practice right so you don't screw up later. Like Johnny Depp practicing to be a Keith Richards pirate. How many times did he have to apply that eyeliner and do the british mumbling to get it right?

At the art opening, no one knew about soldering the 50 gazillion LED's or the hand cramps from the tiny brushes or stabbing wounds of 10 million sharp pieces of fake Christmas tree branches. You just have the super cool outfit (ha!) and you are waving your arms about with the fame of it all. And you are probably drunk again. No one knows how many times you had to rip out ALL the stitches and start all over or the projector was crooked and you had to reprime the wall and start all over. No one knows you had to invest all the money for REAL then have the stock market Actually Crash!

Yes, the fame and the glamour of the Steeplechase Finals comes and how many of you know how many damn times we had to run through those weave poles and be so very patient and keep the wires on and stand so still for the entry and throw the frisbee and figure out why is the popping happening at pole 10 and rethink and refix. How many times on that table and making sure when the judge says And Go and the dog waits til then and is not leaping off that table so let's just use the patio table again, all of you together and sit there for a nice count of 5. And then maybe if we win big enough, Johnny Depp is there at the finish line to hand over that icy mojito. The glamour of it all.


Anonymous said...

Dear Customer Service,

I am one of your dog agility fans, i.e., I am deeply interested in the technical aspects of agility training about which you write, e.g., Team Mayhem (does it count that little fat Yoda gets a biscuit for watching Ariel do weave poles? is this team activity? he gets really, really excited about it, but no mayhem because everyone gives Yoda exactly what he wants immediately so he doesn't really have to make a fuss about it and I believe this is the Cute Factor of Team Dynamics and Role Assignment, i.e., Ariel does all the moves and Yoda sits and Be's Cute).

Anyway, Customer Service, what I am writing to you about is your link to The Yarnpire. You know how when you buy a car, suddenly all the cars of that particular make and model and color appear everywhere? Well, don't you think a dog agility addiction is bad enough? What if someone clicked on The Yarnpire and suddenly she is running into other Yarn People and feeling inexplicable urges to buy a ball of yarn? Don't you think this complicates her life even more than running into DOG AGILITY did a year ago? Is this a Customer Service issue? Please think twice before adding any links to cycloX. I don't own a bicycle helmet. There may be responsibility, here, you haven't thought of.

Thank you,

A Satisfied, But Slightly Worried Customer

team small dog said...

Timmy's official role used to be the Cheerleader. We would practice in this park and I would tie him up with the other dogs and he would bark a lot. He could do the tunnel and very low jumps for his turn. I make sure everyone gets a turn, even if their turn is just being cute. So this counts.

Well, in the interest of customer service, we must build the Yarnpire so they can move back to Santa Cruz, so I would have to say go ahead and buy a lot of yarn! There are apparently quite a lot of yarn spinners who have chucked away the rest of their life for either dog agility or dog walking. I have only tried crochet once (even though Lexi also got me the sparkle beginner knitting needles) and it really is way to hard so I am just trying to help build the yarnpire. In the interest of, I believe you can pre-order Lexi's Beautiful Second book here. Viva la Yarnpire!

But also in the interest of customer service, I do believe it would be dangerous to try the CycloX without a helmet and just dangerous in general to be out there with those hardcore ladies, so you might want to just drink the beer with them.

Anonymous said...

Luckily CX beer drinking can take place w/o a helmet - so then one can bring yarn-type activies to such an event. Yes, I think ultra cool...tash