22 November 2015

Boringness, a thing we strive for, an illustrated guide featuring Banksy and Gustavo just laying there on the kitchen rug.

Sweeping the floor is the opposite of boring for Banksy. Sweeping the floor is a giant fiasco of the brain, because, THE BROOM IS MOVING! And the broom makes blowers then the blowers move and the broom is sweeping up all the potential blowers everywhere and it is used on smooth places, and can you just imagine? The sweeping, it is all those things.

Also, I don't tell them to look at the camera like that. They just do that. They need agents.

Who knew basic household sweeping was like running into Tim Gun in the airport? Winning the lottery where they deliver a 19' Fiberglass Escape Travel Trailer into your driveway? Carrie and Fred call you up to take you to cocktails? Just seeing the broom, MY GOD, IT'S THE BROOM! Don't try to sneak it out the cupboard. Don't even try a teensy bit because, MY GOD, IT'S THE BROOM! Just the sight of it causes tremors and waves and attacking and biting and running and leaping, all at the same time. Blowers! Sweeping! THE BROOM!

So, because it drives me insane when Banksy looks insane, staring at specks and then with extra added broom attacking and the speck pouncing alternating between broom chomping, which is just really, totally insane, we had to do boringness lessons of sweeping. Poor Tim Gunn if I ever run into him in an airport. In a real dog trainer's kitchen, teaching Banksy to do the sweeping without posessing opposable thumbs would have been the more advanced and way cooler dog training solution. You should probably teach your dog that one.

At our house, we use the kitchen rug. This is the boring place. Any time I'm implementing boringness lock down, Banksy gets the kitchen rug. That thing is filthy. Please wash your kitchen rug. You can see Banksy's crazy eyes turning back on because she is watching THE BROOM.

Gustavo at some point figured out that there are potential cookies during boringness lockdown. Gustavo has never and will never attack a broom. I can guarantee that. He has to hide outside in the bushes when the vacuum is on. Everybody else thinks the vacuum is fantastic because of vacuum cookies. Even Banksy. Vacuums are just like normal to her. Not like MUTHATRUCKIN' WACKAMOONDO BROOM! Which is what she's thinking, but she's also remembering to be boring.

Nowadays, there aren't really even broom cookies anymore. Brooms at some point equal boringness. Especially when Gary has the broom. When Gary has the broom, Banksy can even walk around and just do normal things, as in Life Goes On When There's Blowers. Amazing. I have to still use boringness on the rug. So this actually works out fantastic for me so I can just take photos of boringness or have a snack while he does the sweeping.

Or go draw somebody's dog. Thank you if you ordered a dog drawing and I promise, I'm working on it. Or will be soon. All these dog drawings equal things like, a sleepover dog show this month with a night for me and the dogs at Motel 6! The one by the casino with the crack smoking hookers! Exciting news!

Oops, back to boring. Didn't mean to have anything exciting here. Just laying on the kitchen rug. Working on the boring.


Agility Foot said...

OMG, Banksy's eyes are crazy. I usually put a toy in Fern's mouth when the broom, vacuum, weed wacker, lawnmower or swiffer come out. It's total chaos and lots of drool and shaking of toy. Maybe I should get a kitchen rug.

Sobaka said...

I love Gustavo's face. Also I think that's the first photo I've seen of Bansky curled up calmly like that.