25 July 2011

A dog agility secret that's going to be sweet, except that you have to say it out loud exactly like Napoleon Dynamite would - Suh-Wheeeet.


Living where I do, I am lucky to have some of the world's top dog agility competitors and coaches live right down the street from me. If you count over the mountain and through the valley and up to the top of the other mountain or across the plains to world lettuce growing capitol Salinas as down the street.


I know, you're all, duh, no wonder Laura is always kicking everybody's asses in dog agility, but I can assure you. No matter how hard they try to help me become a dog agility champion, I almost always leave them scratching their heads while, for the umpteenth time, I have some kind of dog agility disaster out there on the course.


"What is WRONG with her?" is what they ask themselves.


They could be spending more time figuring out how to fix the United States debt crisis, battling climate change, or airlifting Somalian refugees out of the desert.


But because they are so dedicated to making the world of dog agility a place with less crappy handling that doesn't freak out poor defenseless dogs one handler at a time, day after day, my best dog agility pals drag themselves out to the field and give it another go. Laura's been working on this champion thing now for quite a while, and is there any way to make this work?


I really didn't think this would be so hard. All the other Lauras that are right down the street from me are top handlers. They are innovators of dog agility rules. World team members. Top trainers. I thought I could blend right in with them. But it's an uphill battle for me.


In desperation, they've even come up with a whole new training method. The concept is still a bit blurry, and I'm probably jumping the gun here by telling you about it before it's even released, but because I have a super big mouth, you are going to get a bit of a sneak preview here, for free.


That's right. For free. For now. Because once this secret is perfected and out of the bag, I predict you are going to want to pay a lot of money for it. That's right. A LOT. You could break it down to small monthly increments if you want, we haven't quite yet worked out all the bugs in the system. Like how many increments there need to be to create dog agility millionaires.


Yes, that's right. Millionaires. My dog agility pals don't even KNOW they should be millionaires. But they are all working so selflessly to help me, I think they should be able to enjoy the finer things in life that come along with millionairism. Buy cool costumes they could wear and matching ones for their dogs. Buy their own planes and stuff to fly their dogs around in, or for taking giant cameras to civil war re-enactments. Buy gold doubloons to hoard in underground bunkers. And then they can go back to staving off universal apocalyptic collapse for another day.


So something to think about today is, how much would YOU pay for a series of webinars that would put you in the forefront of dog agility heroism? The secrets that would FINALLY help you become a champion too? Or at least just look like one on tv? That incorporate the newest FCI dance moves with the secrets of sweet success?


Think about this today. When you go out to practice your same old routine. And you can ponder, would this be the solution that I've been dreaming about for a long time? When I'm not dreaming about infected zombie pods being unleashed by the CIA and taking over California until the Navy Seals supply honest citizens with flame throwers in the giant alarmed compounds except then all of a sudden everyone's at Disneyland and something about parrots in the Tiki Room? Just a thought for today.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

i would happily pay .98 per month. or even 10.44 per year, a savings of .11 per month. nancy alone is easily worth more than that! but how will the cheesecake be transferred via the internet? i already have plenty of strawberries....
valpig

Amanda said...

Is this a new game where handlers have to feed each other at contact obstacles? Do tell.

Jodi, eh? said...

Again, another pic of Mary showing her hardcore agility moves. Laura, you are going to be rich soon, I can just feel it.

Cedarfield said...

You forgot to ask us to sign up for your newsletter detailing the benefit to cost ratio of this new training method.

Elf said...

This is the kind of thought for the day that keeps me going. Who needs Gandhi! (Ghandi? Ganhdi? Hgandi?) Boy, if Mary is taller than the lightpost and Ashley is even taller than that, wow, I need this secret!

Nicole said...

now I understand- SUH-WHEEEET!!!
so you have to eat the delicious thing and voila... you too will be a champion. hmm I may have to try this...

Mary said...

@Elf. We are of one mind. I made an immediate change to my "Favorite Quote" on my FB Info page.

Anonymous said...

Where has this secret been for the last 10 years while I was floundering around the agility course?? I would happily pay you Tuesday for the secret to World Team handling on Monday!
Seriously, if there was a webcast that could help me handle a quarter as well as Mary, or any of the Laura's or Katrina, I'd sign up!
Maggie Guthrie