02 June 2011

Cooking low protein meals for your special diet dog-a primer.

As if this item is going to be the least bit useful once the apocolypse is upon us, I bought a rice cooker. At Target. Which I think we are supposed to be boycotting. But I also needed socks. Global warming and social injustice is due to rotten rat finks like me. But I am secretly happy to have some new socks.

I save Target for special occasions, like rice cookers and socks, so haven't been there in a while. They moved everything around in there, and there were bright and shiny things glittering all around me. I moved thru stealthily, looking for the section that seemed most rice cookery.

Flowered faux Orla Keily wheeled luggage! Plush microfiber blankets in cheetah! Fine vegan pleatherette bags made by bleeding fingered slave children on islands. Damn you, Target, you and your shiny things luring me away from my prey.

In the olden days, pioneers didn't have attractive white digital pots to cook grains in. They hauled water up from the river and wove pots from adobe to dangle over the fire. There was grunting, and possibly poor hygiene, and I have no idea where they got the rice from. Paddies? Definitely not the high priced organic bulk section at the store where the cashier has an elaborate celtic dagger design tattooed over her entire lower arm and asks me if the $6 package of tofu I'm also purchasing is pretty good.

It's for my dog, I tell her. She has a million little braids and a squeaky voice. She nods. She understands. Dogs usually do need the large size of tofu.

My rice cooker promised One Pot Meals. I would also advise anyone cooking large amounts of rice for their dogs to read the instructions before dumping in copious amounts of rice and water and turning on the machine. Someone went to the trouble of typing up the directions in the poorly designed little booklet. The design offends me and I don't read it.

The so called One Pot Meal becomes somewhat more complex when it involves do-overs. Damn you, Target. Some Jehovah's witnesses sneak an invitation for understanding the prophetic dream into our doorjamb while it cooks. Otterpop never even noticed. Our healthy One Pot dinner is ready by about 10pm. Gustavo isn't nearly impressed as the other dogs. I have to interrupt his spot staring to get him to try it. Not a fan. Ruby enjoys his evening liver medicine dose for him, which was nestled amongst the broccoli florets.

We'll try again in the morning. Just wait til I try and grow him a broccoli garden. Just you wait.


Kolchak Puggle said...

BOL! Love the post. I too have a love/hate relationship with the bog box stores.

Jodi, eh? said...

I go away to England and come back and next thing I know Gustavo is diagnosed with hepatatic micro-something-er-other, you're shopping at big box stores, cooking in crock pots, and shoving broccoli florets down Gooey's gullet. I am never going away again! Just kidding, so glad you have some answers and a plan for your little peanut. It's good to be back...your Canadian fan...

team small dog said...

Gustavo just enjoyed his tofu mixture for breakfast, and the other dogs are now very jealous of his food. I think Team Small Dog all wants to go vegan. We need you Jodi!

Susan said...

Rice cookers rule. We use ours more often than any countertop gizmo except the coffee maker and toaster oven.

Anonymous said...

years ago, when i lived near denver, there was a classic rock show on the radio called lewis and floorwax. a frequent guest was ted nugent. he never failed to comment on boulder, which he called home of the tofu warriors. so maybe G is a tofu warrior, even if he doesn't live in boulder. it sounds powerful. Gustavo, tofu warrior.

Shawn said...

My guys love frozen veggies - esp. broccoli - can you try that? Any kind of frozen veggie.