11 May 2011

How James Durbin saved us the time we had to miss Dirt Nite.

So the one saving grace of not running dogs at Dirt Nite last night would have been seeing the amazing, awesome, best ever JAMES DURBIN of Santa Cruz sing on American Idol. I never even watched American Idol before JAMES DURBIN. I never even knew JAMES DURBIN before American Idol. But do you know who I'm obsessed with these days? That would be JAMES DURBIN.

I can't run. My face is swelled up like I had collagen and botox injected by the liter bag until my whole face inflated up like Real Housewives of Orangutan Faces. It's nasty. It throbs when I move too fast. I sure hope someday I have a front tooth. I taught agility class then came home.

And remembered to turn on American Idol.

Too bad I remembered right after James sang.

So sad. Too bad. No saving grace for not running dogs at Dirt Nite.

I'm sure he was awesome and amazing and best ever. Hayley (do you watch this show? Or you are at agility too?) sang something Michael Jackson with a gospel choir. She has nice legs and pretty teeth. She makes growly sounds like Otterpop, yet bores me. Which Otterpop would never, ever do. Scotty sang something about talking to Jesus and September 11. He wears one big ass cross. His face scares me like a glowing evil puppet leering out of a dark closet. With no one running his puppet strings. Creepy. Lauren wore an awesome hooker dress, she looks like a scarlet harlot from the Pirates of Caribean. I don't know what she was singing about. She's 16 years old and a little chubby. I bet she loves puppies.

J-lo calls the contestants baby. Steven Tyler is your decorative, feather wearing grandpa on anti-depressants and loves them all. Randy says yo a lot. He feels eveybody. They're the judges and they seem like they should have something more interesting to say.

Then Lady Gaga comes on wearing leather panties and panda owl eyes and gives all of them singing lessons. She freaks out the little Jesus puppety one. I wish Lady Gaga loved dog agility. She even gave JAMES DURBIN a singing lesson. I think she scared him.

James is so awesome. Have I mentioned this? He sang a Journey song. and Love Potion Number 9 One from satellite radio. I found it on youtube. Beyond awesome. I have no words. I am stuck here with awesome. Journey, rendered ironically, yet not ironically. He wears a little scarf like a tail. Like a slightly pudgy racoon with the best outfits of all the forest animals. A botox, collagen faced racoon.

If you are calling and voting for Idols, I hope you are voting for James. Unless you're at your own Dirt Nite. But you can still call when you get home. Just sayin'.


Anonymous said...

OH NOOO! We already think you're just the BEST agility blogger and now you enter in A.I. territory which is our other passion.

We agree w/ you on James, but we also love Hayley and voted for her purely because they gave her so much crap for singing her "inspirational song" which we thought was beautiful. And we possibly have a crush on her. When she gets mad, it makes us all tingly. James just might take this one. And we will be so happy for him.

Don't stop believin....

RRR (nosemovie)

team small dog said...

I have to hate all the others due to JAMES DURBIN. Gary calls her Legs. We rather liked the bearded one but were secretly relieved when he was removed due to JAMES DURBIN. If he wins tonite, guess who is coming to the Santa Cruz Boardwalk, right by my house, to sing on Saturday, JAMES DURBIN!

Elf said...

I don' watch tv let alone ai and so i have been ignoring mary's and everyone's posts but I did follow your link, and wow! He's a natural. And I watched a hayley video too and she's got a great voice but didn't excite me. So, if i were voting, i'd vote for durban.

Anonymous said...

No matter who wins, they're not coming to my town (for free anyway) You can totally purchase tickets to the TOUR tho, uhhh, no thanks.

So YEA!! if he comes you HAVE to go and post awesome pictures of him giving Otterpop a kiss. ;)

(hmmm, nosemovie again. Don't know why my openID is not working...)

Anonymous said...

I love James & Haley, but sadly I think the evil puppet is going to win because that is who all the 13 year old girls are voting for.

Cedarfield said...

The Jesus freak is from near me and is having a big parade today where, no doubt, lots of other Jesus-lovers will be today, although it will be raining on them.
I am so sad that James was voted out. He's been the coolest, best performer/musician they've ever had on AI.