08 March 2011

If you love spirit fingers, you will not want to jazzercise the Team Small Dog way.

As a full disclosure, there are no jazz hands in this GDHS based jazzercise workout. If you love spirit fingers, you will find no satisfaction in this exercise regime. There is also no WOO-ing allowed. If you WOO-WOO, Otterpop comes after you. It is rigorous. There is pointing. There are lead out pivots. And you will drive into those rear crosses like you have never driven before.

Today's soundtrack will be:

Gram Rabbit-Candy Flip
The Notorius B.I.G-Hypnotize
Buzzcocks-Ever Fallen in Love
Moby with Gwen Stefani-South Side
Kool & the Gang-Hollywood Swinging.

That's 20 minutes of music. Even if you are systemless, or follow APHS, you can probably suffer thru 20 minutes of Greg Derrett based jazzercise moves. Just take from it what you want. While we shake our No Go zones, you modify with blind crossing.

Go download the playlist if you don't have it. We'll wait.

Preferred garb is the coat that Moby wore in the South Side video. It is fluffy, ankle length, and bright orange. What I wouldn't do for that coat. I wore my blue striped sweatshirt today instead. Someday, I will have that coat. Probably when I'm a dog agility millionaire. If enough of you subscribe to my online regime, I am so there. Jazzercise, agility's magic wand, kittens!

I hope I just didn't hear a WOO. I have an Otterpop here and I'm not afraid to use it.

Also, when I'm a dog agility millionaire, not only will I be totally skinny with a flat stomach but all my jazzercise practice will also ensure that I no longer fall backwards over tunnels. Or trip on the a-frame and splat-o on my face. Cores. Because it's all about our cores. Suck 'em in!

Hey, that would be a most excellent dog agility afirmation for us all. Repeat after me. When I'm a dog agility millionaire, not only will I be totally skinny with a flat stomach but all my jazzercise practice will also ensure that I no longer fall backwards over tunnels.

Did you know that Gwen Stefani has a Puli? And that Mark Zuckerberg just got his very own Puli puppy? You can friend it on Facebook. Spend enough time in Facebook and you won't notice the gas prices creeping up by the second. And are you getting your heart rate up yet? I'm still front crossing here.

If you're not working hard enough, twizzle, thread, twizzle, threadle, twizzle, threadle, repeat.

If you stay for the sit-ups and our relaxing cool down at the end, we may add some soothing music for downward dog. I am partial to Dolly Parton's version of Lady Muleskinner. And just like that, our 20 minutes is up. Time flies. I think that you'll find with my workout regime, patience, and Malcolm Gladwell's 10,000 hours of practice, you'll be moving like Beyonce out there on your Euro courses.


Jen Lindsay said...

Thanks for the laugh, Team Small Dog. Oh - wait - please don't tell Otterpop I laughed. I don't think she would approve.

team small dog said...

Affirmative on tunnel send, Mary.

Jen, Otterpop is ok with laughing. Just watch the Woo-ing. That really gets her all steamed up.

Sa-Shay Away!

maryclover said...

Did I somehow miss the grapevine? I know the GDHS must have a grapevine.

Anonymous said...

'Systemless" -- i like that, and think i'll use that at my next trial if anyone asks. i was going to just say we are home-schooled, but i think i like systemless better.
right now our home-school field is under two feet of snow, so we are mostly just chucking snow balls and sliding down the banks.

team small dog said...

We will add grapevine next week.

Negative, feet positioned correctly for the send to tunnel. Let's hope the jazzercise goes better than correct handling, clearly we need more practice with both.