19 February 2011

People who actually live with snow and ice, please begin sadly shaking your heads now at the pathetic tale I will tell.


We live by the beach. There's palm trees on every corner, and people wear flip flops and shorts as winter-wear. I mean, not me personally, I am wearing a parka when the temperature starts to head south of 63 degrees, but there are a lot of shirtless guys that ride skateboards past me year round. Although they may also partake in meth.

A word of advice kittens, stay off the meth and keep yer shirts on. And if you're coming to my house, turn left at the light by the burger place and you'll be at the beach.

Turn right though, and you head up the mountain. That's where the forest is. And on some days, when the clouds are dumping rain on the beach, snow apparently gets dumped on the mountain.

I am not really a snow kind of person. I have partaken in the occasional skiing and found this quite enjoyable as a sport to do once every 5 years or so. I snowboarded once and almost killed an entire row of beginner skiiers on a bunny slope, as well as myself. There was a lot of screaming. Not one of my finest moments. Also, the coldness factor, sort of a bummer. Also the long drive to the mountains. So imagine how surprising it is when right up there, on our own mountain just past the burger place, it starts to snow.


Not just anyone can go. We had to drive through the roadblock to get there. I roll down my window. The cop peers in and asks, "Four wheel drive?"

I nod, trying to look like a tough old mountain lady who's not afraid of any old snow. I sort of squinted my eyes, and later thought it would have been a nice touch to pull out my fake tooth. But the cop didn't care. He waved me through.

OMG. Up the mountain, into the snow.


It didn't seem too snowy halfway up the hill. Sort of festive, draped across the trees. My friend Mary lives up there, and the snowier it got, I was thinking Donner party. What if she was starving and had to eat tree bark or worse, her cat? She lives up a steep hill. We should bring her some food since she can't get down it. Trucks are driving down the hill as we go up, with huge clumps of snow shaking off of them like wads of shag carpet falling off a naked bear trapped in a laundromat.

People have built creepy little misshapen snowmen on the side of the road. It is getting snowier and snowier, big fat chunks pelting the windshield, and I am sort of freaking out here. If we go up, we are going to have to go back down. We are driving on snow and ice. Everything is dark and ominous and it is like we've entered another country. Siberia. Norway. And I am the one driving.


When it all seemed too terrifying to go on, we parked for a bit and enjoyed snow frolicking. Some of us. Otterpop, overjoyed beyond belief at this whole snow thing. Who knew? Had something to do with endless snowballs. If I have heart cockles, they were super warmed by watching Otterpop enjoy everything there is about snow.


Ruby was not invited to the snow. She stayed in the car. I don't know what causes her to be lame but just in case it involves snow, she stayed put. Gustavo totally not impressed by the snow. It had coldness. It fell out of the sky and hit him in the head. Snow made him cry and shiver like a sad little weenie. Running through a filthy, muddy swamp earlier in the day didn't phase him one bit, but the whole North Pole vibe, totally not his thing.

Then I started to freak out at the blizzard-like snow chunks falling out of the air and covering the car and this turned into a freakout like only people from the beach would have at the thought of getting out of the snow drift I thoughtfully parked in, and making it back down the mountain before dark and we totally left Mary stranded up there, hoping she didn't have to eat her cat.


That's sort of it. I know. The snow people are like, that's the most BORING story EVER. Boo. Hiss. No one actually froze to death or had to eat someone else's flesh. The dog chased a snowball.

The end.

8 comments:

Fanny said...

It's 6 am, -20 C (-4 F) and loads of snow here. I'm getting ready to drive to today's agility trial in a horse arena. It will be cold... Would give almost anything to have your climate in the winters.

Elf said...

We did not go up to the snow today even though it's in the hills there right almost above us. It was plenty of cold down here without the snow, and I don't have 4-wheel drive and it didn't look like a good day to be crawling around on the ground putting on chains. However, like otterpop, my dogs love the snow. Tika thinks that snow is the gods' gift to her, personally, so much so that she will grab my feet, which the only other place she does that is at the end of a competitive agility run. I don't know that I exactly know the connection, but I think it has to do with being over-the-top excited. Too bad gustavo doesn't like it. He and Luka can huddle in front of the fire while Mary's dogs and Pop and Dash enjoy the gods' personal gift to Tika, since she isn't using it at the moment.

Elf said...

I am extrapolating about luka and dash based on their rain behaviors.

Anonymous said...

driving in the snow is not boring. never ever. always scarey. this snow person makes it a practice not to drive in it. except today. we have to drive 5 miles in it from the hotel to the agility trial in the nice, HEATED, indoor arena.. we're hoping for a more than usually boring drive. and less scarey than usual.
valpig

team small dog said...

Oh Fanny and Deb. I hate to tell you this but we woke up to nice sunny skies and are heading to the beach. The snow is all gone.

But look at it this way. You're both heading to an agility trial! We are going to work.

After the beach.

We hope to visit snow again though!

Mary said...

naked bear trapped in a laundromat? you out-do yourself

Jodi, eh? said...

Is that the famous Gary in your pics? Sounds like Mary made it after all!

team small dog said...

Sometimes I sneak a picture of Gary...don't tell him you saw him on the internet!