Stuff you would already know about if you lived on my street.

The other day, I'm walking down my street and there was a giant puddle in front of where this guy is walking a snarling french bulldog towards me. Like, the puddle is in front of his side of the sidewalk, and my side of the sidewalk is dry.

That's what it's come to, on my street. We're taking sides, and I get the right side and he's on the left. There's only so much room on the sidewalk


This guy though, he steps over to MY side of the sidewalk, and just stands there. Right where me and the dogs are about to walk in like 3 seconds. And his dog is snarling and and ready and waiting for us with exposed teeth.


The guy looks up at me with this goofy smile and I just stare at him, then I get it. WE cross sides and step in the giant puddle. And him and his snarling frenchie stand there and stay dry. He has on this awesome, waterproof pullover top in British Petroleum green with some kind of boat rowing crest of arms on it. I'm so taken by it's awesomeness that I step over into the puddle and the snarling frenchie lunges at us and Otterpop is equally awesome and doesn't go apeshit on the frenchie. And I'm wearing clogs which are like water walking stilts and hold watertight.

Another westside crisis averted.


I should tell you though, there's this pack of danger pigeons right by that puddle that live on a power line. The lady who will never, ever look at me, and lives in the tiny purple house, feeds them peanuts. The more times I read about mass blackbird death cults, the more I have this sinking feeling those pigeons are watching me. Something creepy about the fact that the purple house lady won't ever shift her gaze my way, she only has eyes for pigeons. She stands on her tiny purple porch and speaks softly to them, peanuts in hand, and the group flies up and over our heads. Spooky wing flapping beats fill the air. They fly up high, a back cloud across the street, and circle back en masse to land above us, back on the line.

Just takes one rogue one to get the group going, and everybody's eyes gouged out in seconds. All it would take.

The lady tosses a peanut in our direction, and ducks back inside her front door.