05 October 2010

One week countdown to when we go to Kentucky for the 2010 USDAA Cynosport World Games!

Actual video footage of genuine dog agility practicing. Doing hard stuff. No lazy slackers here.

In one week, me and Otterpop get on the airplane to fly to Kentucky. That's right. I take the loudest and most willful and biggest pain in the ass of a dog that I have, stuff her in an unattractive and tacky ass tote bag, shove her under a dirty airplane seat and fly to a part of the United States known for Daniel Boone, bourbon based cocktails and Trixie's Gold Room.

Actually, that sounds pretty good. Hopefully we have time to visit a haunted plantation house, too. At midnight.

Oh. And the whole dog agility part. Where we hang out with all our pals who are world champions in their spare time, and try not to worry about the fact that Otterpop can sometimes pause at the top of the a-frame, narrow her eyes at the judge, and shoot foul smelling, spiked laser beams right at his or her heart before casually completing the course on her own terms which may include taking a detour to chase down an RV that happened to drive by the ring when Otterpop didn't find it convenient for it to do so.

Oh. And then actually do the agility. In between all the hanging out and not doing the agility.

None of my world champion pals have dogs that do stuff like Otterpop. This would be because they've figured out the dog training so well they end up world champions, and I got stuck on the part where I was looking at the window wishing I had a life size plastic pony on the roof. But it would look really good. There's a flat section just screaming out PLASTIC PONY. And I could decorate it with Christmas lights and Mardi Gras beads year round.

So we've been practicing, me and Otterpop. Her with the funky leg that isn't supposed to practice much. Me with the chunky legs that look better in David Bowie platform boots than the shamefully ugly footwear we wear for our sport. Except the ugly ones are actually oh, so comfy. The platform boots caused ankle duress. We watched some of the World Cup videos on the internet this weekend, and then watched our video from our Monday practice day. (Which, kittens, isn't taking place in a cage, by the way. That's netting. I am not known for high production values. It's at my friend Kathleen's beautiful field.) Uh oh. It doesn't look the same.

And this is a surprise?

In the evening, I threw Otterpop's stick out too far into the surf. Otterpop got stuck in a wave, and for the briefest instant, went under, and then got sucked into a wedge. I was with Karl Ewald and we both thought we might have to dive in and rescue her. Because we're both so sporty and surfy like that. Not. I kept yelling at her so she'd hear my voice, and she swam as hard as she could through the wave and bodysurfed back up to the sand. Otterpop might be an ass, but she is a tough little nut to crack.

Later I told Karl, I really want to do good at the Nationals. But I'm also going for Project. Fun Project of Fiasco. Because all projects are.

"Right," he goes. "It's a win-win situation."

I thought about this a minute. Bad for life, good for story!

"No matter what happens, except for if she gets hurt, you're a winner."

A flash of Otterpop's little head in the waves goes by. THAT will never happen again. That I'm sure of. She's not getting hurt. So I guess, no matter what, we're winners. It's going to be an adventure. That's what we'll call it.


Elayne said...

I think you should totally go for the plastic pony with xmas lights and Mardi Gras beads on the roof. And if you don't maybe I will.

team small dog said...

I tried to tell the video how big to be, but it didn't listen. It just picked that size and because I'm a very sloppy person, I was all, whatever.

I think the whole plastic pony thing has a lot to do with why I didn't sit there to figure out how to tell the video to be smaller.

In fact right now, I can't even write anything else because I'm going to go look out the window and think about it. Bye.

Liz said...

We are waiting--with baited breath (what does that mean anyway?)--for your and Otterpop's adventure. I hope there will be oodles and oodles of updates. Tweets? facebook posts? four square check ins? we want the whole nine. Looking forward to it.

Elf said...

You guys will go and you will do superbly because you will be calm and totally in your space and taking deep cleansing relaxing breaths and be filled with confidence and otterpop will not have skank eye because she will know that This Is The Time And This Is The Place. PLUS you will have a good time and we will be rooting for you on all counts.

Debbie in SoCal said...

You and Otterpop are going to kick serious ass and have a better time than most others. It will be spectacular!

HurricaneDeck said...

Okay, this is probably the most ridiculous and juvenile comment you will ever have, but I wanted Otterpop to know that she has big fans in Wyoming. And really, how can you not compose a silly poem when "Otterpop" is so much fun to say? It really just rolls off the tongue... Otterpop, Otterpop, Otterpop. Okay, I am done now, so here's the poem. Don't say I didn't warn you on it's terrible-ness, total lack of meter and poor rhyming scheme:

Otterpop, Otterpop
Where have you gone?
Off to Kentucky, where the big dogs run!

Otterpop, Otterpop
What will you see?
All the big agility stars, that includes ME!

Otterpop, Otterpop
What will do you do?
Run like the wind, and not trip over you know who!

Otterpop, Otterpop
My prayer for you:
May your leg stay stable,
May you hit that down on the table,
May your jumps be without fear,
May your contacts be clear,
May your weaves be spotless,
May your handler not be thoughtless,
May you win a big prize,
May you get stars in your eyes,
May you travel safe home,
So that we, all your fans, will worry none.

team small dog said...

I hope that EVERYBODY who writes comments here and ESPECIALLY poems is going to introduce themselves in Kentucky if they're there. Super awesome poem! I will go recite it to Otterpop now.

Elf said...

Great poem! W00t!