"Could Gustavo be a closer?"
We're watching Brian Wilson warm up. Not that the Giants are going to need him. They're fully kicking ass. I say this as if I have any idea what's going on. Dudes. World Series. I'll watch an inning. It's no dog agility Grand Prix, but whatever. I'm trying to keep my mouth shut. How should I know everyone doesn't bring their orange washcloths to the game? And why wouldn't you want to know about the magic necklaces all the guys are wearing? And the panda bear hats! I'm trying. Poor Gary. The stress of it all.
Gary looks at Gustavo. He's sort of rolled over on his side, about to roll off the side of the couch. I sort of drag him back up on, he likes tv watching night. Even with the occasional yelling outbursts. He almost flops off the side again and I stick him back up on my lap.
"No. Gustavo is definitely not a closer."
The camera zooms in on Brian Wilson. Have you seen this guy? He looks crazy. Manic look in his eye. I didn't even know what a closer is, but apparently it's a crazy guy with a bushy dyed back beard that comes in and freaks out the other team with his crazy eyes and nerves of steel pitching and wins the game. Like a well known secret weapon. Freaky stealth dude. Looks like he belongs on a punk rock potato chip can or on Deadwood. The closer.
How 'bout Otterpop? Could she be a closer?"
Otterpop on hearing her name flies across the room and launches at my head, bowling over Gustavo and lands half on top of Ruby and half on my face. She's up and on to the top of the couch and is barking for no apparent reason other than the utterance of her mighty name. Then she dives down on my lap, flinging other dogs around, then she's off into the other room from whence she came, god knows what she was doing in there.
Gary watches the spectacle. Ruby sighs.
"Yeah. Otterpop could DEFINITELY be a closer."
Otterpop comes galloping in, ready for another take off. Utterance of Name! We all get ready, bracing for impact.
"Otterpop Is A Closer."
Did you ever dream that you were a dog agility super champ except then it switched and you were at some germy, grungy, derelict seaside park in the dark and the carnies were actually drug addled zombies that were shambling after you with hammers and their big teeth? And then as you're trying to escape your way out from under their oily, horrible claws by clambering up a rat infested palm tree, you're all, this is about dog agility like, how?
2 comments:
Fear the fur!
Hey, I'm from Texas and still don't understand the "claw" or the "antlers". But I wonder if the power of the (ski rope?) necklaces would transfer to the agility ring? I'd be willing to try! Maybe a new agility fashion?
As far as The Beard, just looks way too much Billy Mays for me. Come to think of it, he WAS pretty scary! That voice........
Virginia in Texas and not a baseball fan, but still pulling for the Rangers!
Post a Comment