11 January 2010

Laura Manchester Derrett has Jennifer Anniston hair.

We love a us some good agility hair. Like you didn't know that already. So we had a class from Laura Manchester Derrett yesterday about double boxes.

Um. So a couple important facts you should know about Boxes, Double Boxes, and English. First of all, in English from England, a box is not just a box. It can also be a lady part. So if you are talking about Double Boxes, well, good luck with that.

Also, just so everyone is up to speed, in English from England, pants really mean underpants and if you are talking about pants you might actually mean trousers or track bottoms, not the pants you pull on over your box. And don't even get me started on fanny packs. You don't want to know. And you shouldn't. Because, good god, kittens. NONE of you EVER WEAR A FANNY PACK, righty-o? Let's not even go there.

OK. So all crystal clear. Where were we Laura?

Oh my. A whole day's run through of the Greg Derrett System, handling system used by many Laura's throughout the land. Invented by Laura Manchester's husband. Who just happens to be Greg Derrett. Used by this Laura, as in Hartwick not Manchester, who due to all the Laura's using Greg Derrett Handling System will now be referred to as Laura 3, and whose dog agility boyfriend will be referred to as Robert Downey Jr. just so we have no confusion here.

Geez. All this just for the quest for a decent front cross.

Greatest hits of Greg Derrett system were covered, as well as a couple new songs. And, my foot fetish friends, some of these are going to involve shoes! Here's the set list, if you can't wait to see what we'll be discussing in depth this week or whenever I get to it. Because Greg Derrett System, as translated from Laura 1 to Laura 3 via Laura 2, always a treat.
  • The Reinforcement Zone and why we should all tone our abs
  • No Go Zone, also known as Your Ass, which also, please tone
  • Consistency except for when you are inconsistent which, not useful
  • Eye on Dog But do Not Poke Anyone in Eye
  • Arm and Leg Closest to Dog, for giving directions, even to Starbucks
  • Face where your dog is going, except for when presenting your toned abs to dog
  • Commitment we shall also call Liftoff
  • Arm Change but don't change it into a toad or anything
  • Straight Lines are Not Turns and vice versa
  • 3 Footed Foot Fetish
  • Flicking and Oh hell.
  • Better late than Early due to, Oh hell.
  • Positional Cues and their new little buddy named Deceleration Cue
  • Robert Plant-A New Threadle named after lead singer of Led Zeppelin
  • You should be able to slap your dog in the ass on a good rear cross
  • Lead Out Pivots and touch the position stick
  • Serps and is it time for coffee now?


Elf said...

I am SO glad we finally have a photo of at least three of the skinny agile long-haired good-looking Lauras in one place at one time. Now I can study it to see which one is Laura, which is Laura, and which is Laura.

Love your list of topics.

Susan Garrett said...

As I am now sitting at the Orlando airport waiting to pick up the infamous Laura MD (as in Manchester- Derrett as opposed to Laura MD the Medical Doctor). I find myself wondering three things:
1) Where does Keenu Reeves fit into this whole Robert Downing Jr/Greg Derrett thing
2) How many challenges have you completed and
3) How much money do you owe from said challenges?

team small dog said...

Oh my. Everyone needs a Susan Garrett riding their No Go Zone to get things done.

1. I just dropped the Keanu ball after Sherlock Holmes. There will always be a special place in my heart for Keanu but RDJr, Reinforcement Zone plus super slow mo dog agility brain cam!

2. Oh my. Let's count. I am still collecting challenges and Gustavo recently demoted to crate games boot camp plus bazillion recalls per day. Although he did make it through several hours of double box very nicely, ask Laura MD! But that isn't challenge so much, I know. We have double boxed it for years and years. I did setup nightmare weaves for Otterpop and Ruby but omg, Susan Garrett, to set up the video and the helper and did you know we practice for like 20 minutes on the way to work and even to drag a tunnel around, good god! Susan Garrett $5 Certainty Challenge on list of things to certainly do when we have a whole day off!

When is that?

3. We probably owe millions by now. I may have lost count. Is it like overdue library books since I am taking so long?

Terry A said...

thanks to susan garrett for linking to this blog, it's my absolute favoritely entertaining blog ever.