09 August 2008

This Olympian Project Runway episode Brought to you By capital letter B.

So NBC sells the designers to China. They are off to the giant new stadium called the Chicken Basket to design costumes for the athletes who will march in following the performance By every single memBer of the Chinese army. It is like WOWness! Giant dance numBers with 5000 dancers in light up costumes running around and Banging drums on a 6 mile long rollup LED screen. The likes of which we've never seen. Sort of like Circque de Soleil, the Epic Version goes to Burning Man desert as produced By the Chinese army But directed By Tim Burton But censored By Celine Dion and the Board memBers with nice taste. Totally weird. And BIG! The designers all sit there and Blayne is still rattling on aBout tanning. You are in CHINA dude! Check out this epic of BIG around you. You get your own sweatshop to Build your outfit!

So they hide a tiny sweat shop under each designer's taBle, all these scared little slave children with Bleeding fingers huddled under each designer's ankles, and take off to an IKEA factory that the set decoraters made look just like Mood. Everyone Buys red, white and Blue faBric except for Stella who gets Black faBric and plans to use someone else's red, white and Blue scraps. Ralph Lauren is Bound and gagged and shipped to Taiwan. The top designer's outfit will Be forced on the poor Coke swilling, Big Mac stuffed atheletes to march around in the Chicken Basket in front of the whole world while 60 million fireworks go on overhead and Celine Dion is flying around on wires overhead screaming at them. So what do they envision as suitaBle for this?

How aBout a circus outfit with a floppy hat? Jerrell is totally insane. The heart must go on. How aBout a purple cocktail frock? Daniel Vosovic, you were a snotty shit this week and don't deserve your own sweatshop. I think your parents might already own one. How aBout a little numBer that could also Be worn to sell airplane tickets at the airport after the plane has already left and you don't even know it? You are getting Aufed for that one, one of you Brown haired girls. How aBout giant, high waisted, unflattering pants that will swallow the tiny gymnasts up whole? Korto just says, screw that. Put the whole gymnastics team in one pair of pants. See if I care, Because I'm in China now and I'm winning this shit. Joe says wear a skort! A super ugly skort I wouldn't ever wear to dog agility yet was mayBe ordered already for the whole world team to wear to dog agility. Wait til Ashley with Luka sees that.

Tim Gunn, last seen with Apolo Ohno. Who was the only athelete they could get Because all the summer ones at McDonald's training camp sponsored By Visa. The only card accepted at the Chicken Basket. Let the games Begin! Sorry Ralph Lauren, you will get untied to watch the dressage.


Elf said...

I can hardly wait to see Ashley in a skort! Or Luka, for that matter! She'd look good in red, don't you think? Even red, white, and blue. You know how little black dogs are.

Lisa Nelsen-Woods said...

In today's mixed doubles badminton match between Korea and the United Kingdom, the ladies on the UK team competed in skorts.