29 July 2008

Spoiler for today's episode is at least I don't get shot with the firearm.


So you know, I haven't been yammering about Lighthouse Field much lately. Haven't seen many rangers out there, and continue to walk my dogs out there nearly every day. Leash my ass.


Technically, this is still illegal activity. But we still do it. Selling meth out there is illegal too, those guys still do that. Just look for all black shorts and knee socks and hoodies if you need some meth!


And this is illegal too. Luckily not happening in fresh hot man shit from the growing homeless camper population out there.


And this is actually illegal. Whew, glad they're not chasing all the feral cats we see since there's hardly any dogs out there anymore.


Part of Lighthouse Field State Park includes Its Beach. My local neighborhood beach, where I take my dogs to run pretty much every single day. Dogs need to run, and this has always been the Dog Beach. We always walk through the field on the way there and on the way home.


Sometimes they stop running for a minute to rest. That is actually just as illegal as running, in case you were wondering.


And sit down. Oops. If they sit and not on a leash, it's a misdemeanor.


And maybe even lay down. That was a lot of tennis ball fetches, Otterpop. Is illegal for her to lay down like that, but legal for the creepy drug addled guy to come and ask me for a cigarette.


So we always walk to and from the beach through the Field. Always have. Look who came running out of the bushes yelling at us today? Doens't it seem like it would be hard to run with that many accessories attached to your accessory belt?


It's Officer Borreson and Officer Walters! We've met Officer Walters before. But I don't believe I've had the pleasure, Officer Borreson. I called all the dogs in and they did a dog training sit and let me put on their leashes. I have really good dogs sometimes. I am pretty sure Officer Walters remembers us, because as soon as I whipped out my camera, he Loud Whispers to Officer Borreson, "Give her a 319." That's cop talk for a misdemeanor citation for having dogs off a leash in their new park. See, new park for them, old park for me. He told me he was going to video me too. I said that's Super! Cuz I was going to photograph them. She's calling in my info to see if I have any outstanding warrants in my name.


Officer Borreson was happy to write me up. Maybe she is like the waitress and Officer Walters like Top Chef? He just stood there all grumpy stink eye at me the whole time. One hand always right there by his sidearm. She had this really great eyeshadow on. But I didn't ask her what shade that was. She asked me if anyone had ever asked me to leash my dogs out there. I told her I had to think about that for a while, since I've been walking them out there for like my whole life off leashes and that's a lot of years to think about. Think, think, think. Um, Yeah! It's been mentioned to me once or twice.


They wrote me up. $211 is what we believe it will cost AND I have to go to court for it. So after she handed it to me, I thanked them, and asked if they would be writing any tickets to that guy I saw sleeping in the bushes this morning when I walked off leash to the beach? Or the meth guys I saw yesterday? Or the creepy guy that was on the beach and actually why I left this morning? Well, Officer Walter's answer was, "YOU NEED TO LEAVE THIS PARK NOW."


I was like, "Like you mean, you're kicking me out?"

Officer Walters stink eyes me again. Although he has on Terminator Style shades on so it's hard to see. I think they were a present from our Governator! Maybe he was actually looking kindly at me.

"Yes, I am evicting you and you need to vacate the premises immediately."


I said, in a nicey voice because I am a nicey lady, "Wait, how come you are KICKING ME OUT of my neighborhood park?"


He said in a not nicey voice that I have to paraphrase here because I didn't bring my reporter's notebook, although YAY I had my camera, because I knew the rules and I violated them and it was time for me to leave and not come back today. NOW. Like, if I can use my psychic What Do Rangers Think powers, I was knowingly being a naughty lady and maybe a little bit smarty pants and not at all like a nice waitress, and it made him irritated, and in his job, if he's irritated, he can throw me out of his park. No more sharing. No more our park.

11 comments:

Cat, Tessie, & Strata said...

You ought to start a "Leash My Ass" paypal fund, where a bunch of TSD readers could send you money to help you pay off the ticket since you have been providing us with such off-leash amusement as of late. Hell, I'll be the first to send in $5.

Mary Schultz said...

Laura, you showed great courage under fire!!!! Well, under Officer Walter's hand near his gun! Great photography under fire, too!

Have you thought of war reporting as your next career?

I'll send my $5, too! (Please remember to send your $5 when we get caught.)

This so sucks!!!! Yesterday I was looking around for you, thinking, "Oh, too bad we aren't out here off leash at Lighthouse Field and Its Beach at the same time as Team Small Dog today." And, "Wow, it's been a long time since I've seen a ranger, maybe they have just decided its not worth the hassle and they are out watching for forest fires in their other parks where there are fewer people our walking their dogs who might notice fires."

So, now it's back to misery. They jumped out from behind a bush?!!!!? That was so mean!!!

cedarfield said...

Well, Team Small Dog, I don't know why you're taking that tone with us. It's obvious that you and your three small, black dogs represent the highest level threat to Our Great Nation and you need to be neutralized. I'm surprised that they didn't hand--or is that paw?--cuff Otterpop immediately and haul her away to Gitmo for questioning. I can just hear it now:

Federal Agent: "Ms. Otterpop, do you realize the seriousness of the charges against you?"

Otterpop(licking herself):"Know of any good rodent carcasses nearby?"

team small dog said...

Pay the ticket my ass. I'm fighting it in court. My ship might be sinking here but I'm going right to the bottom with it. They're going to have to pry that $211 out of my pointy fingers. Maybe they will eventually, but I think we're all going to learn a whole bunch about our legal system, Team Small Dog style.

OBay Shelties said...

Unbelievable! Well actually very believable...I used to live in Long Island NY home of gorgeous beaches none allowing dogs period leash or no leash. I had seen people chased down the beach in a helicopter telling them to get the dog off the beach. (in subzero NY winter weather!) You just want to pull your hair out and scream. I feel you anger!

Simba said...

WOW!!! is all I can say! You go girl!!

I'm impressed they "allowed" the camera to snap pics of them!

Melissa

Dawn said...

HMM, what if TSD all wore short little tab leashes? technically they would be on leash??? My corgis little tab is about 2 1/2 inches, but its a leash!

magnoliafly said...

You could be really obnoxious and put them all on LONG flexi leashes and "accidentally" get tangled up in the first ranger you see.

Darn those leashes - but hey you'd be following the law.

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Anonymous said...

I love how you delete the comments that do not support your ridiculous point of view