09 March 2008

I watch tv on Saturday night so you don't have to.

So I thought as part of Welcome to Marfa, we were going to watch James Dean's "Giant" last night. It was filmed in, of course, Marfa, Texas.

But someone already checked it out from the video store. We are so '90's. So I thought, I should improve my skills as a dog trainer and watch these dog training DVD's I borrowed from the Dog Club. Because that is what good dog trainers do on a Saturday night. So here you go. I watched them so you don't have to. OK, some of them. Ok, only a few minutes of them.

The first one is called Crate Games. It stars a witch named Susan Garrett. She hypnotizes dogs into winning the Grand Prix with her wiccan powers and Canadian accent. She wears little tennis skorts and bike shorts.

That's what she looks like in her pastel lime green turtleneck-a Rami color. I took a class from her in real life. She was unpleasant.

The video is about how to successfully lock your dog in the cage and teach it to think about going in and out. Bo-ring. It is sure to give you motivation and dogs that do not hear zombies, but I really wanted to be watching Giant tonight and dreaming of the Texas plains. My review? Maybe you would like this one if you had 3 margaritas.

So then we watched the next one.

Starring Swedish dog agility champion with a tan, Jenny Damm. She is fit and Swedish.

I watched the first few minutes thinking how much Sweden looks like Salinas California, and then freakishly, in the next scene, like a dog agility place in Hollister, California. I really couldn't concentrate on the dog training information. Besides the fact it was super boring, how could Sweden look just like where I personally go to dog agility events?

Because it was filmed there. It's a small world. I am sure she has much useful dog training information, but I have learned I am not a DVD of dog information watcher. Attention span of a flea. Sorry, my students of dog agility training. I am busted. This is not a winning attitude. Bad mental management! My review? Maybe you would like this one if you had 2 margaritas.

So then on tv, we watched Victoria Dominatrix Boots, Positive Reinforcement Trainer of Dogs in England. She drives a little Austin Powers car around and cures dogs of bad habits for people with tattoos. Tonight it was Chaos, the huge bull terrier.

That belonged to the nice punk rock mohawk family. Their dog humps things.

The vet said castrate him. Get him fixed, and that's a fix.

Victoria agreed. The mohawk family was good at getting tattoos, but bad at teaching their horny dog not to hump.

She also suggested, how about some dog exercise for him? Like go for a nice run in your doc martens?

It worked super. Dog trained and balls snipped. You can watch her show on Animal Planet and if you're bored, just have another margarita. Good thing the public tv station had a Clash rockumentary on for us old folks. I'm just going with the let's run really fast and I'll throw you a cookie method of dog training. Just wait til the Team Small dog DVD comes out. Lots of margaritas all around.


Elayne said...

Sadly I spent my Saturday night watching the same dog training show. The best part was when their mohawks got squished by the bike helmets when they took the dog biking for exercise. No wait, the best part was the Exploited, 'Punk's Not Dead' record obviously placed for the cameras and every single one of the guy's t-shirts having to be censored. And they stole our old zebra stripe rug. Sometimes I wonder though with the way the dog trainer is always wearing tight black clothes and skinny leather boots with stiletto heels just who the target audience is. I have no clothes like that in my crazy dog lady wardrobe.

Even more sadly I missed the Clash rockumentary. Shame on me.

team small dog said...

Right!!! I didn't even put in the part about the bike helmets because I thought, no one would believe that and they already think I am probably making half of this up. Like the producers said, they have to wear helmets or we get sued first knucklehead to crash on their bike because their giant bull terrier pulls it over to hump a pit bull.

I missed part my careful photo documentation of it too because I was actually simultaneously watching the other DVD's on my computer. I am big on multi tasking. Like right now I am doing my taxes and pulling hair ties and taxes out of dog mouths AND making more coffee.

We are her target audience! This is why we are championing JIllian from PR as someone who will make us sporty clothes and coats but that would be easier to run in! Maybe things are just different in England. Some Team Small Dog readers are from Europe and they send me emails about things that are very, very different there. But I am pretty sure they still wear sneakers for dog agility not stilletto boots. Just sneakers that are in better colors than mine.

I am sorry you missed the Clash show because I see one of your dog's name is Strummer and Joe was featured mightily! I still fell asleep though.

Anonymous said...

I am wondering how to find someone to do pairs with me at the SMArt Trial Apr 26 & 27. What is the eiquette for asking for a partner? I wish I could have a team like what Laura was telling me about. Is like back in the 50's when you were supposed to wait for you date to ask you. I have had costly hair problems this weekend. I could have attended a two day trial instead of tying to tell my beauty consultant that I just want segue back into my gray hair no muss no fuss. It appeared that this was not possible, so my hair turned out pretty depressing to a large tune of money instead of my reguoar 9.95 for Great Clips. I'm scared that it looks almot as bad as Susan Garretts. God'd I'd better do ahead intead of bring you blog down to my own trailer trash level.

team small dog said...

Well, first, as Sunshine Czar of the Dog Club, let me offer my condolences to you for your hair. A bad color job is hard to deal with in the spring when you don't need to wear a hat.

The advice many people give is that you must go to San Francisco and not let people in Santa Cruz touch your hair with hair dye when it is a sensitive hair dye problem.

Personally, I wear a lot of hats. The cost issue did affect me very much when I turned back into a horse trainer at the millenium and could no longer afford blonde hair. The upside was being outside more and the sun, while adding way more wrinkles back into my skin, put blonde back into my hair like before when I was a horse trainer, so I didn't have to buy it like when I was a graphic designer.

This solution may not work for you. Ballcaps are approved dog agility hat wear for spring (Susan Garrett wears them too, and her hair actually looks better in real life than on DVD) and may be a nice transitional look for you during the grow out.

How to get a pairs partner is a whole other thing. It is easy. Just write on your entry you need a pairs partner and you will be granted one by the trial secretary! This is what I usually do still. It is a nice way to meet people when you are in starters and advanced. You just write down who you have already Q'ed with because you need different partners for your Q's. Once you know people you can just email them before trials and set up pairs. Once you're in masters too, everyone is usually around the same level so you can just put a draw and it's will be someone good. There will be lots of people to pick from once you are in masters.

Or, you can just post to your dog club's email that you need a pairs partner (that's what I did to get a DAM team last time) and partners may rain down from the sky.

There are a lot of DAM team trials coming up. I am skipping Haute Tracs in April because of the going to work factor. There is one in June in Turlock you can go to. I will probably skip that one too because it is just so hard to take Saturdays off work. Huge labor day one, it is also Regionals. I get one DAM per year. Start early when you want to make a DAM team. Find other people that are your level. Scope 'em out at the next couple trials. You want people that are nice and tend not to freak out and dogs that look like your dog's level so no one is mad at anyone if there is an E.

Simba said...

seriously..you have to stop! NO! Keep going! This is some funny stuff..and NOT what I should be reading at work..but whatever!

btw..luckily not all Canadians have funny accents! ;o)


Josefina said...

Looking around...
Found your blog when i was looking for pictures of Chaos, the dog in the show.
Just saw it on tv ;)

Have a gr8 weekend ;)
From a sheltie owner in sweden

Anonymous said...

These shows are really very exciting and I am always watching their new episodes that are meant to be entertaining. They are only meant to be for the purpose of entertainment every time.

Unknown said...

You know I watch tv all day whenever I am on holiday I git spectrum tv and internet services recently someone recommended me now I am so happy with their services that I waste more time and workless hehe just kidding but its good to get yourself entertain when you are free.

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