So, someone said to me, "Hey are you watching Top Chef?" OK, they emailed this to me. No one really talks to me. Well, they do. But not about Top Chef. Like am I going to write up little in-a-nutshell stories about it so they don't have to watch it themselves was what they were getting at. Right, because I watch tv so you don't have to.
I sort of watched it. It is hard to fit in all the tv I'd like to with my busy schedule of, I dunno. Playing with the dogs. Fighting oppression by armed State Park Rangers. Work. Not plastering my office. Doodling with pens. Looking for socks and more receipts for the accountant. Like I don't even cook anything in my own kitchen, so it's sort of weird to watch others do it. I guess many people do this all the time with say, Sports. Basketball. Baseball. That is pretty much what is on our tv a lot of the time because some member of my family may be freakishly addicted to various Team Sports shows called The Important Game March Madness Pre Season F*cking Dumbass Giants. At least these are watched with the soundtrack of the stereo and not the real soundtrack. So as far as I know, basketball is always accompanied by Radiohead.
The chefs were making tacos the other night. If you have never seen Top Chef, just imagine Project Runway but they are all restaurant chefs. They are always drinking beer and they seem really jovial compared to fashion designers. It's hard for me to relate to. Project Runway, I got that. Just like art school. But cooking on a deadline? Like if you told me I had 1/2 hour to make a super fancy pants taco, I'd just give you a look and roll my eyes and slowly drive to one of the 18 taquerias within 5 minutes of my house and get you some tacos and call it a day. Right? To me, a taco is sort of a taco is a taco. I believe I do not have a developed palette. I am perfectly happy to enjoy some peanut butter on a piece of celery and dinner is served.
The the chefs had to cook something else and someone made it too salty and I was thinking, this just isn't all that interesting. Like this is just not from my world at all. They can just go to the store and get some stuff and cook it and it is something others would like to eat. And it will probably involve some ducks and pomegranates (I just had to look that up to spell it) and marscapone. Three things I would probably not think of to buy at the store. You have seen what I cook. Please review hot dog slicing and crack cakes. That's as exciting as it gets. I have advanced to sometimes making some boiled pieces of Trader Joe's frozen chicken for a big dog show treat for anyone that is really fast. I serve the leftovers in Ikeaware for teaching weave poles and running a-frames. Presentation, presentation, presentation. I'll show you that someday soon. It is a crazy thing to make for someone that doesn't eat animals. Or my sandwich making technique. I slice the tomatoes! Fascinating! I do feel that I may have some talent in the slicing department though.
We have to find a new tv show. It preferably should be shot in West Texas. Because I have this thing now where that's all I feel like watching on a screen. It will probably go away, these things always do. It's sort of how I get viruses. We are having a Marfa film festival soon at our house for all movies, all Marfa. On NPR today, they were interviewing the director of There Will Be Blood about shooting the movie and I had to sit in the feedstore parking lot to listen and get to the barn really late due to hearing about How To Burn an Oil Fire and Build Their Own Derrick, which are things you can do in West Texas. The feedstore border collie peed on my tire. I didn't care. I was too much thinking of building my own oil derrick and letting the dogs run around in the desert and eating meals from the Food Shark. And then I ran out of time to watch tv for you again.
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