Self Portrait with some commemorative plates.
So yesterday, for Valentines, it was just craziness here. Well, not really. But it involved candy.
I have this really nice husband. He took this photo! He got me Gustavo for my birthday! He brings sushi home! He stays out of the Team Small Dog Dog Agility blog most of the time because sometimes I have to figure out something to do to be a nice wife. Leaving him out of it is a nice thing for him. You do not know him, my dog agility friends. Because he DOES NOT ever go to the dog agility. You just take some guesses why. You know how it is.
I am possibly not a great wife. Many husbands would not want this type of wife that I am. So I am very lucky to have him!
A short list why:
I enjoy occasionally removing parts of the house that I don't know how to put back together with my very own crowbar.
I do not cook. Or clean. I do not do dishes all that well. (According to some people)
I try to buy expensive pieces of property that we can't afford. I have questionable reality issues when they concern accounting practices.
I have all these dogs and horses and I am either at work with the horses or traveling to glamorous cities for dog shows with the dogs. A lot. Like we are never home.
I fall asleep watching everything that we rent on DVD's, making us (him) pay huge late fees on all the DVD rentals because it takes a long time to get through one hour of Dexter and I have to see the ending with my own 2 eyes.
I have slightly obsessive compulsive home decorating ideas that involve a lot of deer antlers and specific paint by numbers and commemorative plates and squirrels. And I do not BUDGE on home decorating decisions. Total phage nazi.
I make the neighbors hate us by putting our junker truck in front of the house so we can have a contact trainer and weave poles in the driveway. And sometimes he has to park nowhere near our house because of this. (Or also we could blame this on all the neighbor's junker trucks. Let's do that.)
I just make something into an Art Project if it is seeming too weird and crazy and everyone knows you can't mess with the Art.
I painted the house with Joel Warner and now all the paint is falling off.
I leave animal antibiotics and syringes and so forth on the kitchen counter. And crumbs.
A fun activity with lots of my friends is always going to their art openings. And then I won't go see a band with him because I will fall asleep.
Hey now I just figured out why the GIANT box of the See's Candy. It is the sweet revenge! Thank you Gary!
6 comments:
Valentine Rehash, Part 2: Grammar Commentary
"I enjoy occasionally removing parts of the house that I don't know how to put back together with my very own crowbar."
I continue to be stunned by the rhetorical effectiveness of your grammatical style! For example, in the example above, you manage to convey how difficult it is to put a house back together with a crowbar! I bet it is! I would have to use a hammer and nails, for sure! At the very least! And *then* there's the subtle subtext conveyed by your grammatical construction, "My very own crowbar isn't working so far as putting my house back together. May I borrow yours?" Very polite. You remain my favorite contemporary writer! Way to go Team Small Dog!!!
Valentine Rehash, Part 1: Gary's Excellence
Does Gary have a nice brother?
Taking apart parts of the house... I have to warn people when they put me near any kind of tool, machinery, or electronic equipment, that if they don't want someone pushing the red button to see what happens, they'd better not let me get too close. Too hard to resist! Sometimes it's worse than a crowbar. Especially electronic equipment starts beeping--loudly--and sparks come out.
"traveling to glamorous cities for dog shows" and describing them in glowing terms in your blog...
Husby NOT EVER going to dog shows--My ex came once in a while. He'd show up about 3 or 4 in the afternoon and say, "when are you running?" It would've been better if he NOT EVER showed up.
What a nice Vday tribute to your significant other.
-ellen
but...you're a hilarious writer and former artist- very important! And you used to cook all those creepy vegetables when you had that vegetable co-op thing, right?
I am glad I am your favorite contemporary writer Mary! It may not be well deserved. I think I am actually just sort of bad at using the grammar.
I got a fan letter yesterday from a very big agility champion with shelties. I made her cry of laughing. That was very exciting to have 2 compliments in 2 days!
Gary does have a brother but let's just say I would not let you date him actually. Case closed on that one. Don't ask.
I am just perhaps...overzealous about my building skill level. When I decided to make windows in my garage, it ended with much crying, laying on the floor and many, many shims. I forget the whole measure twice cut once and then all of a sudden what happened to my wall??? It is not good to just decide a wall needs windows and start sawing the wall open. It just looks so easy on tv. This is just one example of sadly, many. Wasn't I smart not to remodel my bathroom myself??? Very smart now that I am over 40! In the Clean Run demographic of smartness!
Jen you are right, I miss the vegetables. I would cook them and Gary would not eat them just me! And they were creepy but so healthy. And I had the size 5 pants then too! Remember and we would also consider water our favorite snack then! Now just look...
Well, that was all a good laugh! I also fall asleep 20 minutes into a DVD. It took us 4 1/2 months to get through one Planet Earth disk and I'm pretty sure I missed about 1/3 of it in the end.
I'm also not allowed near the power tools or the kitchen stove unless I'm under strict supervision and the fire extinguisher is nearby.
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