14 January 2008

Cookin' With Team Small Dog

Would you wear Crusty Jammy Bottoms?

So in today's episode, we're in the kitchen with the team making some birthday crackcakes for Atom Smasher's 2nd Bday! This is a big event. Yes, the birthday, but also Laura making something in the kitchen! And using the oven! And ingredients. Because it just isn't done very much around here. Aside from slicing up some hot dogs for the team. And some sandwiches.

So I've learned some things. When using an oven, turn it on nice and early and don't forget to do this! After you have actually located it in your kitchen. And hopefully it is not full of whatever last thing happened to explode in it if you used it another time.

Then you gotta get your stuff out. After you actually go to the store with a list and buy it all. This recipe for crackcakes included one bucket of butter, a lot of boxes of sugar, chocolate that you see cookin' on the stove, buttermilk, wine, dog glucosamine, and the computer because that's where I got this recipe for crackcakes. They were called cupcakes on the recipe, but little did we know.

So put the stuff in a bowl, find the mixer that I think was a xmas gift like 100 years ago, clean the crud off of it, and you mix after CAREFULLY READING the directions from the internet so you know it is actually 4 eggs, not 1, and 50 cups of sugar, not 1. Wow does that stuff go everywhere in the kitchen and soon you will have batter flinging itself all over all your stuff and possibly in your eye!

Then you'll bake it and be sure to thank me for reminding you to turn that oven on. And repeat all of the above with the other recipe to make the frosting. Kick some dogs out of the way to make some more room.

Feed the crackcakes to the kids. Wonder what is wrong with them a few minutes later when they are flying off the walls and start hallucinating and are having trouble focusing on words. Taste a crackcake. Damn those are good. How much sugar was in those things? The batter was to die for but you eat half a baked one it is like Hamsterdam and for the kids we start wondering, was that safe? To feed them those? Cupcakes are kid things right but damn these ones are crazy.

Everyone starts melting down. The kids are cracked out. The ups are fast, the lows go far down deep. The adults are dropping like zombies in a paintball match with meatballs. I tried to run Gustavo through his weave poles and he took off into the bushes and just started running around down the side of the house. Timmy's got his head stuck somewhere but he actually did not eat any crackcakes. That's just what Timmy does now.

Damn there are dogs on the table again consuming crack crumbs and who even thought of this whole thing in the first place and I just thought this was what a good blogger did. I'm just going to go have me another cupcake is what I'm saying.

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