I got all the paperwork from this place called Therapy Dogs International. I want to take Gustavo to visit old people in nursing homes. Because most people freak out with joy when they meet him and want him to sit on their laps and pet him. When I was a little kid, everyone in 4-H used to do this. We just showed up and walked around with our dogs and old people petted them.
Now, you have to have your dog tested for all these diseases, get proof of each vaccination from the veterinarian plus certified proof of heartworm testing, pass a rigorous test of obedience and tolerance of wheelchairs and walkers and hospital equipment from a certified tester, register with Homeland Security, hire an attorney and make sure your dog has been bleached and disinfected. To get your badge. In Salinas. Just to sign up. To fill out more paperwork. After making the calls. And then, you could go visit. After sending the appropriate paperwork to the appropriate facilities to register. I'm exhausted after just reading all the stuff they sent me.
I was thinking just like I could dress in a nice holiday kinda outfit and go to a nursing home with my friendly little dog and visit some old folks and let him sit on their laps for a while?
Did you ever dream that you were a dog agility super champ except then it switched and you were at some germy, grungy, derelict seaside park in the dark and the carnies were actually drug addled zombies that were shambling after you with hammers and their big teeth? And then as you're trying to escape your way out from under their oily, horrible claws by clambering up a rat infested palm tree, you're all, this is about dog agility like, how?
10 comments:
Visiting old people in your cashmere sweater tule time fantasy:
Aha! YOU are Barb! You cheated on the test.
I took it twice trying to end up Barb. Lexi ended up Barb. Why is NO ONE else ending up LOIS??? Who has ended up a Nicki is what I want to know? But then we have to remember a Chloe is not a Nicki. Chloe would LOVE dog agility but you know, I have never seen her photo with a dog.
I was thinking tule was the ground fog but perhaps I am confused with Project Runway tule like Kayne loved so much. I think Kayne was from Turlock like place.
"Low, swampy land is tules or tule land in the parlance of northern California."
I'm from southern California, and have not mastered northern California parlance in 30 years of No. CA. dwelling, evidently, so I had a neurotic need to not be an outsider (see also "Rob") by creating my own parlance (I like that word and I am going to say it all day). I just thought I'd punish you in the friendliest way possible for being a northern California, agility, polygamous, holiday-spirited-kindly-to-old-people-intended (emphasis on intended, I might point out), and fashion insider.
(Y)tul(l)e
2) (I know there is no 1) Do you really want responses to "Why is NO ONE else ending up LOIS?" Please advise.
I ended up as Barb too -- I wanna know how to be Margene -- she strikes me as the most fun sister wife and I would love to have her be my alter-ego...
Yeah, Margene. You're right! "You like me, you really like me!
Oh, wait, that was Sally Field.
But Nicki. I know we are supposed to love to hate her, but I just love her so much for the credit card caper, alone. And you know she would hide food treats in her pocket during a trial and her JRT would win and they would bust her but she would get away with it!
There is a certain charm to Nikki without a doubt... She has that no-nonsense, cool-headed way about her -- Plus (and this is a big plus in my book) she knows how to use tools like a master... I love that she can fix anything...
I would always want her on my side in a crisis for sure... It would be very dangerous to f$#% with her, I'm sure.
I think everyone gets to be their favorite polygamist. I wished I was not a Lois but I think I see myself more like Princess Diana type and perhaps this is not realistic, or else because she is not a polygamist and was not offered on the quiz. Also is dead. Although the others are fictional. Also because I see myself as a Princess Diana type perhaps a Lois is more how others see me? Due to poor editing of the mouth sometimes?
Yes, Nicki's would be very sneaky at dog agility trials and we must watch out for them.
Which wife would be the best dog handler in a high pressure situation such as Steeplechase Finals?
Hmm.... that's a very excellent question... which sister wife indeed...
Barb doesn't really seem to know too much about what's going on with her kids so I would say she probably would be an oblivious agility trainer and therefore not a true contender...
Margene is too sweet -- she'd be popular with the other trainers but wouldn't necessarily win too many Qs in my opinion...
I would put my money on either Lois or Nikki... I think that Nikki would be a pretty sneaky agility wife like you pointed out... either one of them would have the single-mindedness needed to train their dogs and win the prize...
All-in-all I'm going to go with Lois... she's a come-from-behind underdog and Nikki is too distracted by her family situations... Lois seems to be able to let all the family related drama go and achieve her goals...
umm... yeah... I don't think Princess Diana would (or would have) been very happy as a polygamist but dog agility... that's a whole different story. Agility could've saved her life for all we know -- she might've been friends with Margene even and lived happily ever after like a Princess is supposed to...
Yes! Agility could have saved Diana's life. She could have trained the corgis. Then the queen would have liked her better, the corgis would have been slimmer and they are FAST.
Lois is perhaps a bit Susan Garrett-like. So maybe I am happy to be a Lois. I cannot imagine Lois in a tennis outfit though.
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