30 September 2013

Walking home towards the east.

I've been working on a project for some many months now. It's not a project that I'm sharing with the internet. It is my very own. I started it quite a while ago, and was scratching away at it, and now I am scratching pretty hard. It's one flea infested mange scab of a project.

We all like it because it's something we can do together. Some of it I can work on in my studio, some of it involves some forestry. It means we go out late, and go out very early, putting in as many miles as we can. I turn odd when a project starts to take over, and I'm probably not very fun to talk to. It's hard to go to work. My house falls apart. I've taken to wearing camoflauge and not speaking on occasion. This might go on for years.

I don't think it has replaced agility. We still have agility. But lately my days have been feeling kind of old school, life before agility. When there was time for projects. There's a lot to do, all in the name of a project that doesn't make a whole lot of sense to anyone who isn't me.

When I used to be an artist, that previous existence spiraled downward into a big fail. The whole reality thing about the galleries and the shows and ringing people up didn't make sense to me, and it smacked me in the ass and I faded away from it. I faded back into a WhateverHappenedTo? I hope all my old friends remember me this way, and sometimes take pause and wonder, WhateverHappenedTo me. At least I hope for this. Maybe I am forgotten.

My life drifted along into agility. We have been drifting there for a long time. We tried to become champions, an upward spiral towards greatness, but that whole reality thing smacked me in the ass again. There is a good chance that I may be fading into a WhateverHappenedTo once again. This happens to me.

You shouldn't worry about me if I seem to be fading away. I am busy working on remembering. We are up there in the woods, and we are all doing just fine. Although we do have concerns about coyotes and pumas. Sometimes creepers. Gustavo carries enough concern for all of us. We stick together and keep to ourselves, you won't see us when we're wandering north, south, east and west. Some people have clearer  trajectories than others, after all these years I'm starting to understand this. My trajectory is the kind that goes meandering in opaque circles. I might not ever actually get anywhere. I don't know that this is bad or good, it's just the way it is. It does seem to be the one thing that we are all very, very good at. Circular meandering. Today I have dogs and trees for friends.


Anonymous said...

sounds all too familiar. the art, the agility, the projects. thank goodness for projects that may not matter to anyone else. and for dogs.

liz said...

I have drifted in and out of Whateverhappenedto as well. Weird and good phases of life, and then they just... change.

I am happy for you and your project. If it is that encompassing, then it must be meant to be done.

(and I know there is still agility in you and the team yet...!)

Enjoy your forests and dogs, it must be getting pleasantly chilly up that way.

Anonymous said...

Totally been there. I try, and I try, and I get smacked in the ass, and then I try again. What happens? I get smacked in the ass. So I take up a long term project. I love my project and the ass smacking doesn't bother me so much any more, altho I've had to change my expectations on what I was doing to smack my ass in the first place. Good luck on your project! I hope it's therapeutic for you.

OBay Shelties said...

As long as your new project doesn't involve a webinar I bet we would love to hear more about it! I drift away from agility all the time but the dogs are always with me.