12 August 2013

The Team Small Dog Guide to Game of Thrones so you can follow along with Otterpop.

This is the Iron Throne. The most muffaflocking supahstar asshat badass King (capital K King) gets to sit there. And the problem is, that in the multi-partisan continent of Westeros, instead of only hating Mexicans or universal health care, all the different Governments attack each other with swords and beheading.

So there are these sort of sub thrones of kings (lowercase k king) and lords (fancy armor and may enjoy spending time with hookers).

You can be a king, which is different than a King, but still have loyal subjects. I think these are serfs. A serf can't be a king, but most kings want to be The King.

Beware the backstabbers.

Careful, Otterpop, not watching your back! Because possibly whoever you least expect could have any of the following asskicking devices to dethrone you: dragons, ships, smart dwarves, giants, hillbillies with axes and horns on their helmets, poison, witches, or just your basic sword fighting army of knights.

Pretty much everybody is sort of related to everybody because they either married someone from that House, possibly in another century, or took a child hostage.

There is a lot of inbreeding, and a plethora of bastards and sister wives.

In Westeros, there are no liquor stores or bathrooms. This is the corner store by my house. Once somebody won the lottery with a ticket from there. So I just thought I should add a photo of that for good luck because this is where we buy our lottery tickets, even though the Red Priestess of Fire doesn't tell us to do so. Also you can see the candy rack through the door and in Game of Thrones, the rack is a useful piece of dungeon equipment.

There is this mysterious wall where it's cold and everything on the other side of the wall is creepy and dangerous. The other side is where all the spooky zombies live and hardly anyone goes over there except for the brave Ranger guys. Gustavo would be SUPER FREAKED OUT if he ever went on the other side of the wall.

The Iron Throne is located in Kings Landing. Whoever gets there first wins. Please don't chop off Otterpop's head.

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