13 May 2013

What do Cultural Appropriation, Portland, Greg Louganis and Eco Sheep Offer in terms of Dog Agility Existential Crisis Vision Quest?

I never was sure what was my spirit animal. I didn't really feel good about having one, due to the whole sticky issue of appropriating native cultures through the wearing of fuzzy animal spirit hoods in the shape of sasquatches or raccoons. And also, I just figured that I'd be stuck with Otterpop for a spirit animal, anyways.

I'm don't even know what qualities one should look for in their spirit animal, or if it's the animal that's supposed to pick you out. Is it important that Otterpop likes to ride on tractors, or can carry large sticks through the woods? When she does a handstand to pee highest on a tree, or feels the need to destroy the mailman, should I take that personal and am I supposed to follow suit? Or is it all hidden in the metaphor?

I probably don't even want Otterpop for a spirit animal. Having one at all seems kind of new agey in that I Love Dreamcatchers passive racist way. And Otterpop is mean. But, darn darn darn, it's like the super cute Pendelton handbags, made in China from humanely shorn sheep wool, which are now so 2012 that you can probably find them in weird sales bins and thrift stores. So maybe it's not all that socially debilitating, fetishizing cultural relics from a disenfranchised native population?

Dog agility is complicated. I didn't mean to go on a vision quest. It just happened.

So Otterpop, for better or for worse, as a spirit animal, means one you have to be kind of picky about the guidance she has to offer. Because it's mostly going to be a lot of yelling about frisbees and making sure UPS trucks are never allowed within a 3 mile radius and foraging for excellent snacks. And all stink eye, all the time.

Luckily, a superior spirit guide has emerged. Without his even knowing it. Who has been to Portland, a fact I know thanks to television. And who has given me stink eye before, in an embarrassing incident involving his well trained dog, and my somewhat feral mediocrely trained dog, Ruby. I am pretty sure his dog ended up winning the class. After I gave him back the ball.

I didn't mean for him to be a spiritual leader or anything, but via the agility grapevine, he has revealed himself to me. I always just thought he was your basic ex-Olympian dog agility guy with a really big motorhome and fashionista shorts. He doesn't look like Yoda, so there's no fear of Star Wars comparisions, and he will help to guide me through the journey.

Greg Louganis Wisdom Number One:
He single handedly saved Portland from almost not having an Olympics. Just substitute "Dog Agility Competitors" for "Olympians" if you want.

Greg Louganis Wisdom Number Two:
He said this wisdom to someone near of my dog agility pals, who told it to all her dog agility pals, when he was asked about what it took to win a gold medal. So it's like totally thirdhand, but still. Pendelton handbags. It's a statement. Dig. "Forgiveness. Letting go of a mistake the moment it happens and moving on to what needs to be done next."

Greg Louganis Wisdom Number Three:
This wisdom he said also to the same dog agility pal as in Number Two. She is chatty. You can identify her by her laugh about 3 miles away. She says to him, "So, you're clearly an amazing competitor, what's up with the agility?" And he says back, "There's a dog involved."

That's only have 3. An agility quest is a journey, so I'm pretty sure more will be revealed in time. Maybe  a long time, because Greg Louganis lives in Malibu and has a sparkly, splashy diving show, I haven't seen him at dog agility in a really long time. I am patient. I will wait.


Anonymous said...

wisdom # 2- perfect cure for the day after a trial mind set leaning towards self flagellation.
maybe # 4 is- lose the stink eye
upon seeing the Amazing Greg for the first time, in an unusually bold move for me, approached him and told him he was larger than life. followed closely by i am not a stalker.

Anonymous said...

it's not just otterpop. i think you have to be kind of picky about the guidance any spirit animal has to offer. they can have good days and bad days too -- just like anyone else.

Elf said...

The only time that I distinctly remember talking to greg, I had just read a book about the greatest everything of all time, and under diver, they listed greg, and I thought that was right and so i went up to him and told him that this book listed him as the greatest diver of all time, and he smiled nicely and I think I fled. He must get a lot of that. But I was thinking at the time that, if I were him, I wouldn't possibly be able to keep up on what everyone in the universe is writing about me, because it would be a lot of writing, so picking something out and just telling him seemed wise.