27 October 2012

Team Small Dog Election 2012 Presidential Voting Guide

Gustavo is very easy to sway politically. Just watch what he does when I lay this on him.

"Gustavo, Romney hates dolphins! He keeps women in binders! He hates lots of our friends because they are gay. He is sort of Mexican, just like you, although his ancestry is limited to sister-wife friendly compounds hidden away in the hills. Viva los Polygs! I have this feeling he might actually hate Mexicans. And he is going to live on his own celestial planet when he dies that I believe to be free from Mexicans and homeless people."

Gustavo starts to cry as soon as I mention the dolphins. The sadness is too much for the little guy to bear.

Gustavo might like having Romney hair. But it's too time consuming to try.

Ruby lives in a world in her head. You don't even know the deepness that nests in there, inside Ruby's brain. Watch her lay on her pillow and think thoughts that span centuries and continents. Her theory of relativity time travels across genres. Ruby holds an undergraduate degree with honors from Cranbrook in visual communication in her head, and a PhD from Yale in mental visual culture of the brain. Ruby knows what is ahead of us, no matter which candidate wins. Ruby prefers Obama, he contains clarity. She likes his thinking. She understands his communication style.

Ruby is in Obama's skin, and he is in hers. She sees the big picture, with the resolution of trillions of micro pixels glittering in the sun. She thinks Obama may have an inkling of this.

Otterpop's leanings go to the left. Very, very, very far to the left. Scary left that starts to make full circle over the the right. So far left it fell off the edge. So I'm not sure about this, but she actually might support Romney because he will bring about the apocalypse much faster than Obama. Once he gets that pipeline going and the rich all move to their compounds and the poor begin the uprising, the beginning is on.

Otterpop has already been stockpiling pinecones. The end is near and she is ready.

Just this morning, we were plunged into darkness, in the moments when the dawn quietly fired up above the trees outside. My first though, has it happened already?

I look at Otterpop. She is chewing on her feet. Did she do this?

Nothing modern worked. In the darkness, when the electricity goes, there's no coffee. The internet is dead. Communication that is not talking to dogs goes mute. Otterpop loves these times, she's ready to go crawling around checking for breaks in the wall. This is how to get ready. Bipartisanship will demarcate those who collect nuts and berries and those who chose canibbalism not so far in the future if the darkness holds.

I believe she wants Romney, so that there's an actual chance that she sees the darkness in her lifetime. Otterpop has a cruel streak, and I work hard to explain to her, in her good moments, that going backwards, knuckle dragging on the asphalt grindings, isn't funny. Don't even pretend. We don't have a shotgun and I don't think we'll be getting one soon. I am not stockpiling diesel for her.

She just laughs and goes back to chewing on her feet. She spits on your trickle down theory of economics. Otterpop wants to see it all go black.


Jenn said...

Oh, Otterpop. Your nihilistic tenancies are only partially preparing you!

I'm not ready for that future quite yet, although there are moments when I think it is more than past time for humanity to go down the extinction drain. I just wish we weren't going to take so many with us. But that's the way of the great cycles, isn't it? Ruby would know.

maryclover said...

Tell Otterpop that some of us will do everything in our power to make certain that the end is not nigh. Sorry Otterpop.

Elf said...

As usual, this voting guide is much more helpful than the one I get in the mail.