22 September 2012

A walk in with autumnal equinoxal backlighting wrinkle highlighting.


That stupid, dumbass time of year is here. Every year, I go on and on about how I hate stupid fall. Stupid Indian summer. Stupid dramatic golden backlighting which here, in this unretouched photo located above this sentence, is highlighting my wrinkles. I am pretty sure I didn't have that many wrinkles last year, when I was younger. Fall this year announces, you might as well be almost dead. Or ready to find a good plastic surgeon that can smooth out your skin and make it so you can totally still wear non age appropriate skateboarder outfits without looking like a complete freak. Just give up now. The equinox marks another year sliding down the crisp autumn death tube towards winter. Not even accessories can help you now.


Otterpop is all, Get over it Whiney complainers go nowhere in last fast LOSER HA HA HA! Gustavo is all, Look! 26 Teeth!


Oh wait. Poor Gustavo. You say that too many times and it can make him cry. He liked his teeth. He probably misses them. I have them in a plastic jar. He's going to lose more. It's because of autumn. Pumpkin pies and sweaters be damned. The fall is like bony creaky witch fingers about to turn to dust poking you in the back and reminding you summer is gone. Poke poke. Teeth are gone. Poke poke poke. Nice skin is gone. Eye poke. If you are going to amount to anything before another year gone by, HA! Take that, poke. Yer just about outta time.


Otterpop is all, HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA! WITCH FINGERS!


Then she hoards the stick. You know who probably LOVES the fall? Otterpop. She wishes she had all the sticks and would make a beaver dam with them then light it on fire with the beavers still in there. Happy Autumnal Equinox, beavers.


I just try to be over it. Look! We have playtime with 2 sticks in front of artfully tufted drought tolerant native grasses! Yay! Where the lighting is bluer and doesn't glare it's way into every single skin crevice and highlight all the flaws. It's one thing to be mediocre. But to be mediocre with wrinkly, leathery skin? Also, Otterpop really probably wouldn't start beavers on fire. Otterpop is love. She is sunshine. She's just the hard, yellow sunshine that beats down from the west on the first day of Autumn. Harsh, a little mean, and a grand illumination on all of your flaws. Otterpop welcomes you to Autumn.

7 comments:

Mary said...

I'm not letting you take ANY pictures of me during Fall.

team small dog said...

Among it's other horrible properties, Fall is unflattering.

Anonymous said...

dark days indeed. i want me some light at the end of the tunnel. i think the tunnel is buried in Fall leaves.
valpig

Jenn said...

The light flatters your pups beautifully.

I don't know about you, but I've EARNED every damn wrinkle. (just don't remind me of that stupid worry crease between my eyebrows, that thing I could do without!)

(my capchta word is GOOMSCOW. Seems appropriate, somehow.)

Jodi,eh? said...

You need to sit in front of a full spectrum light for a few minutes in the morning when you drink your coffee...mine is called "happy lite junior". It will make fall feel lite and you feel more junior

team small dog said...

Jodi will added light make my SKIN feel more junior? I think my problem is too much light! I think I need to sit in the dark more.

Jodi,eh? said...

It won't change your skin but your fall/winter outlook