31 January 2012

Team Small Dog is going to make you a STAR, winner of Susan Garrett Running Contact exclusive fancy class for fancy dudes!


OK, so yesterday I got wind of an amazing yet expensive bit of dog training available to just a select group of dog agility people. Not exclusive to ladies or gents, just anyone with $5000 clams to invest in their dog's contacts.

Even though I'm off facebook for the most part, I went in there fast, because you know how to find out any kind of dog agility gossip? It's in facebook. And indeed. Susan Garrett, magic genie and Louis Vuitton of dog agility, is offering to 5 lucky people her knowledge of flawless running contacts. So flawless you can run screaming next to the dogwalk and your dog won't miss them. Ever. EVAH!

Wait, you are all, why are YOU plugging Susan Garrett? Isn't she good enough at plugging herself? She is Indeed! Don't be a hater. Not only is she furthering awesome dog training, she is well on her way to dog agility millionairism. Unless Greg Louganis got there first. Can you tell millionaires by the size of their motorhomes?

She's already closed the application process, but maybe if you write to her, quick, you could get in. You need to fly to her house in Canada a couple times (not included and not sure if she has an airplane landing strip in her yard or lets you sleep over in her guest room?), and practice at home. If you follow the righteous path, your dog will have awesome and flawless running contacts really fast. Not the 40 gazillion repetition kind. Not sure how she's going to show you, that's where the moola comes in.


So why am I telling you all this? Because, I think if you have $5,000 to spend on running contacts, you probably should be bringing me and Otterpop along to chronicle your journey. She said if you brought a film crew. We are sort of like this. Otterpop doesn't really count as film crew but it is totally fun to bring a dog on a plane. I have ipad and a little camera that fits in the palm of my hand. You seen that show about all the Kardashians? Or the housewives of Beverly Hills? This could be YOU. We will make it YOU. Jewel toned satins and dripping with diamonds, baby.

Did you already apply? Know someone who did? Are on the fence?



Like it wasn't already an awesome idea, bring along Laura and one member of Team Small Dog to make it even way, way, way more awesome. You pay our airfare, I think we could eat dinner over at Jodi's house, (I mean totally inviting myself over, sorry about this Jodi and hope you are going to be home?) so you don't even have to pay for my food and I can bring Otterpop's meals in a ziploc. Fits in my tote bag. We will paparazzi your arrival off the plane and your meeting with Susan. We will try not to pay too much attention during the learning part so we're not getting any knowledge for free, and we will photoshop out any face wrinkles you have or any fatness of your ass in all the photos I take! I can text you funny little things while you are waiting your turn to make you giggle, but they will be short because I type really slow into my phone and also you will need to be paying attention, remember, $5,000.

Um, hey, Susan Garrett, probably you should have made this part of the offer? Value added service? Do you think my phone works in Canada?

I await your call. I think my number is in Susan' Garrett's phone so just ask her for my number when you're accepted to the program. Uh oh, do I need a passport to go to Canada? We better get on this. Talk to you soon!

14 comments:

Cedarfield said...

I think SG should totally pay you to film this camp! let's start a FB campaign to get you to Canada!

Mary said...

Too bad I don't have $5k credit left on any of my credit cards because I like Canada and also traveling with you and Otterpop (are you sure you wouldn't rather bring Gustavo, instead?).

Oh, wait, Ariel already has pretty flawless running contacts, even when she has to turn away from obstacles directly in her path the way she didn't in the second round of SW Regionals Grand Prix last year; so we fixed that (that's about a $2,500 secret, don't you think?). I wonder if SG would pay off $5k of my credit card debt because I figured out THE SECRET for running contacts without taking her course if I promise not to reveal it so that she can become even more of a millionaire (this may sound a little like extortion?).

maryclover said...

Hmmm I wonder if she would give me a credit for the camp I couldn't go to after my dog was hit by a car and fractured his pelvis in 3 places? Although at the time all I got was a "no it's not refundable even if you do find someone to take your place", so that probably won't happen. In which case, sad to say, I will not be able to hire you as my film crew.

I bet there is someone who is more of a millionaire who will be taking the class and can fly both you and Otterpop on their private jet as well as expedite your passport application. At least I hope this is the case. Good luck!

pm2 dog agility team said...

Team Small dog I posted your blog on my F.B. page - I think GUSTAVO should go too! - Rickie Roo

jodi, eh? said...

I will be home and if I'm not, make yourself at home and eat whatever is in the fridge.

Lynn Ungar said...

This sounds fun, but if I had the spare $5000 I think I would rather use, like, $2000 to fly to visit Silvia Trkman in Slovenia or whatever slightly obscure European country she lives in. Just guessing that she would probably teach you awesomeness of running contacts for $3000 or equivalent in Euros, and then you would have awesomeness of going to her slightly obscure European country on top of that. You can always drive to Canada.

team small dog said...

Hmm nobody called me all day at work about my trip to Canada. Thought maybe I'd get home and it would be in the commentsl. Bummer! Kardashians! Kardashians! Kardashians! At least Jodi came through with the food though, just in case! Thanks Jodi!

Lisa and Remingon said...

I definitely think someone should take you with them.. but maybe you need all your dogs for the photo shoots? Not sure we know anyone willing to pay $5,000 for this so maybe we do need to start the FB campaign. It got Betty White on Saturday night live, so why not get Team Small Dog to Canada?

OBay Shelties said...

I would so let you come with me; just for the shirt. I just need to find $5000 first...how can we find out who is picked so you can Friend them on FB.
PS you don't have a passport?

Anonymous said...

I'm thinking that SG is missing an amazing promotional tool here. I am surprised at that. Maybe she will call today.

team small dog said...

Hmm how is that facebook campaign going? So far no one has emailed me so either none of my facebook friends are going or they are not interested in bringing us along. Free t-shirt! Slimming photos!

Bernadette I have a passport from the time I got sent to Paris on a business trip and jut walked around the whole time instead of doing the business stuff in 1994 but I think it has expired and also possibly vanished into the hoarding. We are not very well prepared for excursions to far off lands!

Mary said...

Hmm. Maybe this should be promoted as a "Slim Down and Achieve Running Contacts" all-in-one package. I always look slimmed down in the pictures you take of me. It really works!!! Miracle Slim Down Running Contacts Package that is Not a Diet So Oprah Would Approve.

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

Here come da JUDGE!
Why go thru the time, sweat and hassle
attending a seminar?
Might as well get 50 Ben Franklins ...
50 weeks of trialling ...
And YOU TOO can have perfect contacts
Whoops! Did I reveal the secret?