Did you ever dream that you were a dog agility super champ except then it switched and you were at some germy, grungy, derelict seaside park in the dark and the carnies were actually drug addled zombies that were shambling after you with hammers and their big teeth? And then as you're trying to escape your way out from under their oily, horrible claws by clambering up a rat infested palm tree, you're all, this is about dog agility like, how?
13 December 2011
Champions and mental management of mental health-the team watches out for you this holiday season.
This is a time of year when things can seriously go to shit if you don't look over your shoulder and both ways before you cross the street. Cookies in tree shapes with icings and red wine and gatherings of more than one person loud talking coming at you from from all sides. Things require genuine money and there's a constant string of steaming agro headtrips in every car park. There goes all your mental management you were working so hard on, hurled up in the gutter with the lowfat greek eggnog and all those sparkly ribbons you stole out of the work party gift exchange.
Not to worry. Here's some cheerful holiday tips to keep everything running above water this December as you count down to your holiday of choice.
Try to keep moving, don't get into any crawl spaces and not come out. Make sure the house is stocked with cereal. Just because you're paranoid don't mean they're not watching you. Even if you only have a couple minutes, it's fun to sit down for a few repetitions of seated twists. Cat food. There are video games you can play in a phone for 20 minutes if you are in an airport, or 4 hours if you're watching a Real Housewives of Orange County-athon. Use pens. Hoodies, hoodies, hoodies.
Telegraph good cheer and blend in with mainstream culture with a sparkly holiday sweater. If you don't have one, at least brush your teeth when going out of the house. Actually, never ever wear a sparkly holiday sweater if it blinks or has tassles or trees or Santa. Don't wear a holiday sweater. No one should buy holiday sweaters. Sit in the dark with the curtains drawn and wear the one that looks like a bathtub rug.
If you like to do agility, try to keep doing agility. Truthfully, I did not even go practice yesterday. It was drizzling some and there were too many people around all weekend and I drove up to the forest and let the dogs run around up and down the spring hill in there for a couple hours instead. This counts for something, righty-o. It was probably not a champion move, necessarily, but maybe it was.
Mental Management Freebie of the Day: Click-n-print these helpful affirmative positive self talk mantra greetings, tape inside your purse. Read and repeat to yourself before you leave the car anywhere you are going where you have to speak to others.
Mental Management Big Spender thing of the Day: Buy this original signed ink word drawing with actual money through the paypal and keep it for yourself or give as a rad gift. Email your bid to laurah@plasticdisaster.com.
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4 comments:
I need the wash yer hands pic!!! that is such a Tash item. actually I need all of them! hilarious post. totally made my day.
Tash
You are one of the funniest people I hardly know. I am so happy for you that the Canadian Mental Management is working for you. It is, isn't it, eh?
Excellent advice as always.
The only thing with the Canadian Mental Mangement is instead of filling in the boxes on the excel spreadsheet, I end up drawing something else with pens. This may be a clue in my so far failure at championness.
Know how to use excel, if you're working on being a champion.
We will make sure though not to skip any more Monday practices. Mental management should help with that. And that we will see Mary!
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