22 September 2011

What happens when Laura is the boss at Dirt Nite.

Sometimes I am the teacher of Dirt Nite. Usually I just teach the beginning students. We stay in the shallow end of Be Nice to Your Dog and How To Do A Front Cross and Nose Touch and Get Your Dog To Chase You. But if Rob is gone away for some reason so incredibly, unbelievably important that he has to miss Dirt Nite, I am put in charge.

This is usually fine. I guess. Well, for me anyways. No one complains to my face. They probably do it out in the parking lot amongst themselves. Maybe they're still out there right now, having a smoke and still grumbling about when Laura teaches the later classes. I am perhaps not an incredibly tactful instructor. I am one of those loud mouthed agility teachers, that goes all booming voiced about running faster or turning sooner or not acting like a drunk person with no arms.

I like making up courses. I make up courses for myself all the time, and when I'm the teacher, I subject everybody to the course design that comes out of my head. Powell and Graber are my heroes. I believe courses should chew you up and spit you out in messy little pieces all over the dirt. I like it when they have twisty bits then insanely long running bits where you have to race your dog across the length of the arena, only to twist and turn and race back up to the other end.

If you are not passing out due to the panting, then that course was too boring. NEXT! I like very hard bits that don't necessarily have an easy answer on how to handle them. I think I may like things on courses that nobody else likes. This is probably very non democratic of me and gives Mary sciatica nerve damage and breaks Ella's weave poles. Oops, sorry about that.

I will always defend my agility boyfriend, Robert Downey, Jr's straight line handling to the death. Except for when I get confused. Is a threadle legal or would it mess up the serp? Usually I just look both ways for a flick, and when the coast is clear, put in an arm change. There really was a turn there.

Righty-o. Sorry about calling you drunk, and if I made your feet hurt. A little bit of knowledge can be a scary tool in the improper hands. Your regularly scheduled instructor will be back very soon with more useful advice than just "Throw the ball!" Hopefully no harm done and I sure had fun running my dogs. Fascist lily livered dictator of dog agility teachers that I am.

3 comments:

Cathie Lang said...

I don't know ... I think "throw the ball" may be some of the most useful advice one can impart!

LOVE your blog Laura!

Mary said...

Wow, Laura, at times you can beat me at the Self Deprecation Game. And that's not easy.

I thought 7 p.m. sequences were really great. The only improvement would have been for you to use your Big Voice to tell people to line their dogs up and be ready to go as soon as the last dog finished. That's the end of my constructive criticism, and no, I did not smoke in the parking lot.

I loved the courses you built for 8 p.m. My only regret is that I was too lazy to ask everyone to set bars to 24" when it was my turn for the last run that was super fun and I kept thinking about it all the way home.

(I'm crippled this morning, of course, but Ariel seems fine despite having nearly skidded off non-rubberized dogwalk twice because of extreme thrill of super-fast turns into entry.)

Elf said...

Run fast, yell loud, and throw the ball. That's what it's all about, really.