Did you ever dream that you were a dog agility super champ except then it switched and you were at some germy, grungy, derelict seaside park in the dark and the carnies were actually drug addled zombies that were shambling after you with hammers and their big teeth? And then as you're trying to escape your way out from under their oily, horrible claws by clambering up a rat infested palm tree, you're all, this is about dog agility like, how?
23 August 2011
I had a long to-do list for my day off, it was probably a lot like yours.
Start day with scientific experiment. Excellent! Proven. Dog agility superstars, all 3 dogs. That was a big surprise. Science is totally easy.
Drive back way over the mountains to visit fancy dentist in a far off land. This land is called Cupertino and I have had so many tooth surgeries there I no longer get lost.
Buy sunglasses there. Because Cupertino is the land of buying lots of stuff.
Drive back the regular front way over the mountain. Drive drive drive drive drive.
Train Otterpop not to bark. Unsuccessful. Give up quickly.
Learn ukelele. Decide to become the Patti Smith of ukelele. Learn a Patty Smith song. Cheat because it's the Bruce Springsteen one and less weird poetryish. Sing to dogs. Which makes Otterpop bark some more.
Robert Mapplethorpe was Patty Smith's best friend. Wish was living in the 70's in the Chelsea Hotel wearing punk rock outfits found on street and hanging out with them. Very seventies/eighties revival. Lots of weird necklaces. Think about the history of photography for a bit while working on headstand. Eliminate headstand part.
Get out all the painting stuff to paint 55 gallon drum that is currently taking up precious floorplan space. Admire painting stuff all strewn about. Think about painting a new mural instead. Take notes.
Train Otterpop not to bark. Unsuccessful. Give up quickly.
Lose sunglasses.
Decide to make a broccoli slaw like the one the nice lady brought to dog agility class a few weeks back. Remember you can't cook. Just dump it all in the rice cooker. Maybe. Someone will be eating this.
Walk dogs. Avoid 2 dog fights. Run fast to avoid one of them. In new shoes. Which were not bought in Cupertino but could have been.
Talk to drunk guy with weird necklace. Learn about bears from neighbors who just got back from Alaska and recommend traveling with a shotgun. Don't talk to anyone else.
Turn on rice cooker.
Explain to baffled husband why promised cleaned bathroom never got cleaned all day on whole day off as he comes home again then leaves again to go get a pizza.
Unscrew neighbor's possum illuminating porch lightbulbs.
Wish every day was a day off. But like, with getting money.
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2 comments:
Yep, my days off are a lot like that. The details differ, but the result is the same: Tika still barks and the bathroom still needs cleaning.
Combine a day off with getting money and you have my dream future!
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