27 December 2010

Holiday word problem called when you take the dogs along, according to my calculations, I could only get it to add up to Oh Hell.

Let me make a spreadsheet for you:

Dog A: Loves kids, loves the puppy, but cannot run or jump and can only take a 5 minute slow walk on a leash, can not be left alone in a strange place except possibly with Dog C.

Special Notes: Requires medication.

Dog B: Loves kids, hates the puppy even though hates no other dogs in the entire universe of all dogs, can run and jump really fast but not be allowed to run off leash anywhere near easy to climb under storage containers that may have rats or the very busy street on or the backyard which has a nice long fence with enticing fence boards to climb through to get out of backyard and into apartment complex next door also on very busy street, who used to be able to be left alone in a strange place except now apparently has new case of separation anxiety.

Special Notes: DO NOT light candles, use matches, or anything that makes any kind of sound that could be mistaken for a cigarette lighter near Dog B.

Dog C: Hates kids, sort of, like they're ok if they're throwing the ball or the frisbee but NEVER EVER COULD GET PICKED UP BY A KID, likes puppies just fine EXCEPT FOR WHEN THEY GET THE BALL GODDMANIT, can run and jump really fast and is reliable off leash except if people with footballs appear from out of nowhere, and don't even think of leaving alone in a strange place, ever, never ever due to major separation anxiety.

Special Notes: Howls. Will incite dogfight if pushed to the limit of it's fuse.

Person D: Loves kids, loves the puppy, will run and jump, strange places are welcome.

Special Notes: May try to spend all time training puppy. Must give puppy back at end of visit.

Person E: Loves kids, loves the puppy when playing ball but not into loose leash walking, crate games, structured recall practice and so forth, can run and jump if so motivated to, strange places are just fine.

Special Notes: Wonders WHY are our dogs so neurotic and WHY do we have to bring them everywhere we go?

Please put dogs and persons A-E in a car and drive to grandma and grandpa's house. Factor in a fixed amount of traffic gridlock. Add a puppy, and little kids, and many activities where all must mix together nicely. Also dinners with large slabs of meat on a table in a readily accessible location. If the train leaves the station by 9am, and has to get the boat across the river with the meat and puppy intact, how many dogs can ride along without drowning the turtle?

Oh? You can't quite figure out the math?

Please work harder. Answers will be collected shortly, points detracted if you do not show your work.


Anonymous said...

eliminate train, boat, meat, puppy, and turtle and 3 dogs can go. add train, boat, meat, puppy, and turtle and 0 dogs can go. best to play this one safe. turtle soup with puppy sauce, not so good.

Elf said...

The answer is 42. I'm sure I double-checked that.

Jodi, eh? said...

Take meds from Dog A, give to person E.
Dog A babsits kid who is tied to Dog B (who should be leashed at all times)
Dog C apprentices with person D who is loose leash walking puppy
Turtle must drown, sorry.

team small dog said...

Everyone thinks the turtle must die. Well, maybe not Ellen but I can't tell because you did not show your work!

I'm going to go kill the turtle now.

Elf said...

Well, crap, I always end up in trouble for not showing my work. Horrid flashback to high school trigonometry. The turtle usually bought it there, too, but I got accused of cheating if I didn't show my actual work because maybe I was copying from other people's turtles.