24 September 2010

Team Small Dog's guide to True Blood, which is sort of Vampires are So 2008, but actually may be an important public service announcement.

So yesterday, I told you I was channeling Lafayette. He is our new gay dog agility boyfriend. He would probably not be pleased with this fact. Due to many reasons, mainly involving the not cool enough-ness of dog agility. Sorry, Lafayette. Also, the thing with the shape shifters and the dogs.

That's right. I said shape shifter. Because on True Blood, which technically is about vampires, and not exactly about dog agility, people turn into dogs.

And pigs.

OK. This is already too confusing. Assuming you don't already yet know about True Blood, let's just keep this simple.

True Blood takes place in Bon Temps, Louisiana. The opening credits are super fabulousity of type faces and distressed film clips. You will like it just for this fact. You are probably way ahead of me on this show, because you have Showtime or HBO or whichever it is, and I've been renting it on Netflix. I'm many seasons behind. And you are fashion forward and I'm just wearing an Otterpop shirt to work. Do you have your Otterpop shirt yet? You'll like it.

Or, you are way behind me on this show, because in the dog agility world, an Otterpop shirt IS fashion forward, and you spend all your time watching Susan Garrett DVD's. Maybe this is one of the reasons I like dog agility so much. I am totally less uncool in our little universe.

In my mind.


Sookie is played by ex child actor/fashion show afficianado Anna Paquin. She is adorable AND she can read the thoughts out of your head. I was pleased to see this, because I like to try to read the thoughts out of people's heads. I am usually pretty good at this but not always. You can test me next time you see me. Sookie can't help doing this, and actually it makes her crazy so note to self. Be careful what you wish for. Sookie is the star of the show.

Bill Compton is a friendly vampire and also in real life he is married to Sookie played by Anna Paquin. He has lovely manners, but is also one bad ass yet chivalrous dead guy and this may be somewhat burgaled from Twilight except I haven't seen Twilight, but all the teenagers I know have and this is my secondhand vampire understanding. Bill Compton is Sookie's boyfriend. He is hot in a civil war re-enactor sort of way. Also owns a goth mansion.

Tara is Sookie's volatile best friend. You ever had a volatile best friend? That just can GO OFF? Tara is like that. But she has all these issues and an alcholic mom posessed by demons that will eventually result in a possum drowning exorcism in a trailer.

Sam owns the bar. Everyone works in the bar. Also, here's a complete spoiler. If you haven't seen True Blood I'm about to ruin some of it for you right now so you can just move on. But you know that song by Blitzen Trapper about My Skin has Turned to Fur and vice versa? I love that song and can sing all the words. Dogwood tree! Sam turns into a dog. You would have figured this out after about 3 episodes anyways, so it's ok.

Lafayette works in the bar. He's Tara's cousin. He can be snippy sometimes and he's a drug dealer and works in porn besides cooking at the bar. But you know the whole heart of gold thing. Sort of. Probably all of you have had a friend like Lafayette. Who should be doing greater things but instead living in some crappy hovel with fabulous furniture some old guy bought them. It's just not right. But it is what it is. Lafayette is the next great Muse of Dog Agility.

Jason Stackhouse is Sookie's brother. He sort of looks like Brad Pitt. Boy can he get himself in some pickles.

Eric used to be a viking war tough guy about 2000 years ago. Or maybe 700. I forget. Vampires can be really old, this is a vampire fact you will learn, along with many others, from watching True Blood. He is Bill's maker. Without going into extra vampire fact detail that you can just pick up from the show, being a maker, and also head of a vampire district is a pretty big deal in the vampire world.

Also on the show are various other witches, Satan's handmaidens, shapeshifters and so forth. All living in Louisiana and Dallas, Texas. You will learn about things like vampire rights, nests, and how one becomes a vampire. It's a very bloody show. You have to be ok with giant mouthfuls of blood. And the occasional heart being ripped out, stuff like that.

As with any tv show, we are supposed to remember that it is tv and that it isn't actually real.


It just kind of has me thinking.

About vampires. Who come out in the dark.

They can be anywhere. Really. Anywhere. Be ready to run.


vici whisner said...

Hey, Eric is the sherif, but not Bills Maker. But Bill hold allegience to Eric.

I read all the books. Been watching the show, but I think I liked the books better :)

Enjoy vampire hunting in the dark.

team small dog said...

Oh shoot. That's right. We just got to the part where the civil war lady comes back. I am still pretty new to the world of vampire terminology. Thank you vampire expert Vici.

Amanda said...

Ha! I am also ignorant of all things vampire, but I have been educated thanks to (seriously!) Sesame Street! I give you their Muppet skit, "True Mud":

Anonymous said...

do you do audio books? since you drive to the barn lots? twilight is nicely read...

Anonymous said...

Did you know that Louisville is famous for its ghost stories and there are many tours you can take while you're there!

Beth & Lexi

team small dog said...

We might have to do some vampire hunting in Louisville. I bet it's got some ghosts there.

I guess if I wanted to get really with-it withe whole vampire and werewolf thing, I should be reading Twilight. Maybe someday.