08 March 2010

Team Small Dog visits the Oscars.

On Oscar Sunday, if you go to LA, stay far, far away from Hollywood and Highland. Oscar Ground Zero, and you will get stuck blocks away and perhaps not move for days once you're stuck. Team Small Dog was invited this year, and was our first time walking the red carpet.

We saw a lot of swanky ass, and the fans were screaming loud. All these tall guys in tuxes, as far as the eye could see. I will say it once again. We were Thrilled to be there. This is what you say when they throw a mic in your face. Thrilled. Absolutely thrilled. Thrilled to be here. We practiced saying that a lot before we left.

Otterpop, obviously, thrilled. Could not keep her mouth shut. I have NO IDEA what she was telling the paparazzi. She wore Gucci. Watch her eyebrows. It's how you can see the botox. They never, ever move.

Otterpop screamed in Meryl Streep's face. She was wearing Chris March, HELLO, like from Project Runway! We practically know him. We watched that entire season without falling asleep. Except Otterpop made some snarky comment, something something disheveled hair, there were words, and then the goddamn Otterpop goes and leaps up on her white gown.

Was that Brangelina walking by in the background? I heard they split up. I think they were skirting the camera and came in through the back door. It was hard to hear anything over all the yelling. Maybe actually that was Sigourney Weaver and who? Who is her date? She just looks so awesome.

This was the Meryl Streep debacle. Sorry, Meryl Streep. I think she rented the dress though. Chris March probably likes dogs. I'm sure they can get it out at the cleaners.

Wait. Was Miley Cyrus in a movie? She's like what, 15? She totally doesn't register on our radar at all. She's slouchy and has these completely defined little boob holders for a dress. Did we miss all the really good dresses? Where's George Clooney? We missed Robert Downey fucking JUNIOR??? In dog AGILITY SHOES???? Otterpop grows agitated. Why do half the dresses look like sheet metal this year? Does Tim Gunn know about this? We vote for Yves St. Laurent, if you are keeping score.

Was that Keanu? He is Blitzen Trapper? His skin has turned to fur? It is true! Keanu is becoming a DOG!!! I thinks his tuxedo is Burberry.

This was an event we will not soon forget. They didn't actually allow dogs in the theater, and then Gustavo peed on a 12 foot tall statuette before trying to take off down the block towards Las Palmas where it smells like carcass. And it was chilly out, and the whole strapless dress thing, brrr. I sure hope the team is invited down next year.

1 comment:

Elf said...

Otterpop is SO much better than Joan Rivers ever was.