24 March 2009

Maybe those dog agility videos if playing on giant, widescreen bar tv's when the band is playing.

I had a dream the other night that I was at a seminar where Linda Mecklenburg and Greg Derrett were both presenting their handling styles in a confrontational, loud, mean screaming match against each other. Sort of Jerry Springer show style. Totally not Oprah guests. It was in a classy resort with carpeted hallways. They were nearly coming to blows in some kind of ballroom with dirty plastic chairs.

Um. My non dog agility friends, the super geek threshold on this is maybe like a dream where Facebook takes on Myspace. Oh wait. That's real, it won, right? Or like you are stretching bezier curves in your dream, trying to trace the delicate shape of a perfect letter R. Or the Sadies vs. Black Mountain. Both Canadian, but this edge of geekdom to know both those bands and all their stats and in your dream you can list the family tree of every band every guy in each band ever played in?

My dog agility friends, you all read this Mecklenburg vs. Derrett in the March issue of Clean Run. I skimmed it. I am thinking of not renewing my subscription because I can't work up any enthusiasm for reading about dog agility and the ugly little diagrams. Oh wait. Are you reading about dog agility right now? Are you enthused? I am reading the history of luxury goods right now. Maybe not right this second, but every time I can find my glasses. I'm on the part about the silk spinning for Hermes scarfs and slave labor in Mauritius and how Louis Vuitton took over Japan and that is just so much more interesting.

I never print out the Clean Run exersizes. I just always make my own. Think of some skills I want to work on and drag crap around til it looks right. Osmosis from lessons I've taken over the years? Stuff I pick up when I periodically breeze around the internet? The articles in Clean Run totally put me to snooze. I think I am not a good dog training geek. I just dream like one. Maybe it is the super geeks that make the World Team. Non super geeks, write about Canadian bands on their dog agility blog.

So Linda Mecklenburg vs. Greg Derrett? I don't even know the Linda stuff. Different arms and just a different way of doing everything. Fewer front crosses. Need to go skim that article again. But I didn't know Black Mountain either, just the Sadies. Found myself in sea of guys dressed in black and plaids with way more tattoos than me. Felt naked without a neck tattoo. Certain guys I know, know the name of every guy in the band and all their stats. Yet somehow I'm the one who ends up dancing on top of a barstool after watching David Carradine in Death Race 2000 on the bar tv with a Canadian bass player. Also starring Agent Cooper and a young Sly Stallone and it was the bass player who figured out Willem Dafoe. In weird fiberglass Corvettes where they get extra points for everyone they kill with while driving across the country. Yet then became BFF with Sean, bass player of the Sadies because they are just super cool. You've heard them. They've been soundtracks of important Team Small Dog training videos. All of us, great pals by the end of the night. Super loud Canadian bands, playing in the front bar of a crepe restaurant? This is what dog training geeks do?

One band, punk and rockabilly and Beatles and Beachboys and bluegrass and super fast. One band, atmospheric and Pink Floyd and super creepy girl singer and head banging and a fight in the crowd. Neither system more correct, neither one is the right one? One is faster, one is louder. I only know BFF Greg Derrett, but maybe I could be pals with Linda too. Loved the Sadies going in but came out with ears ringing from super headbanging sounds of Black Mountain. Asked the Sadies bass player about dog agility, but he hadn't heard of it. Not sure if Greg Derrett likes either band or has a neck tattoo?

Um, and my point was? Susan Garrett likes these bands and dances on Canadian barstools when they play up there? Almost wacking her head on the low, tin tiled ceiling? If I could do the Linda Mecklenburg I could decelerate Gustavo into poles? I think there was a point in there but you know. I just like loud music sometimes. I just like running around fast with dogs. I like to keep it simple. Was that it? That many margaritas and it's just gone.


Anonymous said...

You were having margaritas on your new porch without me.

Anonymous said...

Uh, oh, just call me Agility Geek from now on...I read almost every article and pour over the course maps in every Clean Run.

And along those same lines, the lastest Mecklenburg vs. Derrett articles are pissing me off! They say they are unbiased but then say lots of negative things about Greg and only positive things about Linda. Everyone knows Monica (editor of Clean Run) is like that (make gesture of crossed fingers) with Linda so I guess it figures.

Anyway, I guess we (at least me and Monica) are all guilty of thinking our preferred system is the better one.

How Geeky of me....

team small dog said...

We still haven't had any margaritas on the porch, they were all in a bar. I still have to paint it!

I have to say. I prefer having margaritas in a bar to reading Clean Run! That might be the secret to my agility success. I will just dream about handling systems instead of reading about them. But Greg Derrett can still be my agility boyfriend.

Anonymous said...

How on earth did you get roped into painting a bar!?! Don't you have enough on your plate (glass?) as it is?

Anonymous said...

Kathleen, I'll get to work on "Greg Derrett, Team Small Dog's Boyfriend: The Boxed Set" as soon as I have a minute. Hour. Day.

team small dog said...

No no no. Paint the porch! I am also not a good grammar geek. Never learned that stuff either.

Anonymous said...

OK, such an old post from long ago, but was just thinking of what it would be like for GD and LM to go head to head and thought I would do a search -- my search came up with you -- you are funny.