27 January 2009

Team Small Dog, here to bore you today and then send you off to blogs that aren't so boring, I guess.

Otterpop asked me the other day, in a very unpleasant voice, "What, Beeyatch, you stopped with the blog thing now? Because how will the people know when I take over the world?"

Oh Otterpop. I am boring and old now and my neck hurts and all the readers went away when I stopped putting up agility videos with copyrighted soundtracks to get unposted by YouTube. L-O-S-E-R. Or maybe all the Team Small Dog Readers went over to Three Woofs and a Woo and Susan Garrett's blog. All the search words that people type in the internet to send them here now are words like Small Ass. Did you type in Small Ass to google and come here? Looking for small asses and instead, Hi! It's Laura and here are my dog pictures! Now go visit Susan Garrett and she'll tell you about 2x2 weave poles and some inspirational crap and you can laugh at funny captions for border collie photos taken with a fancy lens by that Canadian girl who is probably size 5 and has no gray hairs and her own personal border collie herd.

Otterpop reflects for a moment, then is all, "You stopped putting up videos of Me? You know I will have to plot against you now. Ugly Fat Cow." Gustavo started to cry. Ruby apparently started having an allergic reaction from the shock of it all and her tongue swelled up in her mouth over this disclosure. She is so sensitive, that Ruby.

Yet wait, Team Small Dog has a plan! Maybe the readers will come back if we sit here and wait and look like a nice dog agility team. Isn't that what we're famous for, screwing up in dog agility yet looking cute? Like ambassadors for plucking random stray dogs off the streets and sort of training them not to be assholes? And getting you in trouble in Lighthouse Field with cops? Small Fast Kick Yer Ass? Running in the Forest? We can wait for them to come back.

We are good at waiting. But actually it is more preferable to wait for the cat we spy over there. Because it could jump off the fence. Actually, as it turns out, that is what we would rather wait for.

"Because Cats are For to Eat!" Oh. Just. Stab. The Knife. In Deeper, Gustavo. Because that's how the dogs talk on Three Woofs and a Woo. Like already stooping awfully low here, writing dog dialog. Isn't that like writing personalized Star Trek porn novellas?

Who cares because We shall pounce on a cat like so when it falls from the sky like cat rain and we shall call it the Day it Rained Cats in the Backyard When Laura Did not even Take us On a Walk and Did not Even Write in the Blog Due to Her Boringness!

Then Otterpop and Gustavo ran away to play with the dog toy which was much less boring than me. They are probably escaping through the back gate right now to go find a less boring owner on the next block. Maybe the lady that owns Icey. She seems not very boring and totally cute outfits whenever she walks Icey and doesn't make him do dog training stuff.

But Ruby stayed to wait. So she's out there waiting now. She's gonna get cold. Shivering! Come on you guys. She looks like Fenwick over at Elite Forces of Fuzzy Destruction. But is a girl! Shivering! Um, is it because I raised drawing prices? Got all navel gazey? Put on that Xmas 10lbs? She's shivering, people! We'll go to a dog show next weekend and I swear I'll write about it! Swear! Shivering!


Anonymous said...

We're all suffering the winter doldrums and having trouble coming up with witty comments -- it's certainly not directed to your cute cat watchers. Blog on!

Jules said...

Dear Laura, I must admit I am becoming concerned. Isn't the sun still shining in CA? Isn't Team Small Dog still rocking the forest paths?

On a side note - have you considered that Gustavo might have some Mudi in him? Wouldn't that make him, like, potential agility royalty? (Saw my first Mudi at a UKC show - boy was she a cutie.)

Elf said...

I come here to find useful agility information like this: How do you find out what searches people are using to get to your site?

Anonymous said...

Boring, I don't think so. In the 50's they read the morning paper with their coffee. Today, I read Team Small Dog. No matter what the subject, your take on it is always interesting to an old Norwegian in the Midwest. Keep it coming

Anonymous said...

hey what's the deal with that picture frame with all the raggy pictures in it. The picture frame looks like it weighs 100 lbs..they don't make frames like that any more.
Do the pics inside change? What gets a pic up in the frame? More details. Closeup pic.!

valpig said...

TSD Leader wrote "all the readers went away..." NOT TRUE!!! NOT TRUE!!! Those videos? Not all that great for dial up anyway. Don't stop, your public needs TSD!!!

Anonymous said...

Would a Team Small dog Hoodie X-Large Jr. fit a Medium Sr.? How long do you estimate it would stay clean?

team small dog said...

Ok, Hi Readers! Ruby not shivering any more. In answer to your questions:

Sun-yes, is shining.

Rocking forest paths- yes, indeed.

Mudi? Maybe? Are they like squirrels in border collie body shrunk down?

Searches-you go in the thing that is attached to the server, it tells you how many web hits you get (Was deteriorating people! glad you're back!) and strings people use to search on and find your site, the most popular pages and what browser they are using. You use a password to go on it? It is like magic and I do not know how it got there. Ellen, I am pretty sure you should know how to do this even better than me!

100lb picture frame, yes 100lbs! I put pictures on it. Does your picture need to be on it? But you are anonymous so I do not even know what you look like or I do and I just don't know who is writing this. Maybe someday I will show you what is on there. When my camera batteries recharge. Martha Stewart would call it an inspiration board. I would call it a place where I stick shit up. You can find these in dumpsters, I believe.

OK, videos bad for dialup!

Yes, Mary a xl jr. would fit you-this is the size I wear. The white is a huge bummer of dirtyness that works for some, but not me unfortunately, but these are from cafepress and I can't control such things. It is on my list to do a new screenprint run but it's also on my list to buy a ranch and learn pilates.

Anonymous said...

OK, then. Can I buy 1 XL Junior Team Small Dog Hoodie with cash and you bring it to Turlock so I save $7 on shipping?

Anonymous said...

I almost went for the Otterpop is a bread loaf sketch, but I really do need a sweatshirt with a zipper that works more than original art.

Well, maybe that is debatable. Perhaps I need original art more than clothing.

Perhaps we all do.

team small dog said...

The way that cafepress does it is they do it all there. So I don't have the merchandise, they do one-off dye sub prints and ship from their facility. So I don't have any overhead on them, yet also do not make any money. And they charge a lot of shipping. But even I do not get a break. Is basically a good setup for shwag wear but that's it. Different than when I have shirts made and sell myself.

But you can also get things like decorative clocks.

Probably original art is the better buy.

Ann said...

So. Laura. I checked out the one blog you mentioned that isn't Susan G's. I wouldn't worry about losing readers. Really.

I read Susan's because I am hoping that 2x2 weaves will rock my world. She's a great dog trainer and I admier her and I like her videos. But I'm not a Christian and not a vegan, so you know. . .

Now, please cheer up and tell me again about the white truck. And forest creatures. Plus, my mom and one stalker are the only ones who read my blog, so don't worry. If, by read we mean look at the pictures I post.

Jen Lindsay said...

I would MUCH rather look at Team Small Dog than a herd of Canadian border collies. I can't even remember how I originally stumbled on your blog, but I'm pretty sure it was not by typing Small Ass. Don't give up the blog, Laura! I'll admit, Im also a Fenwick fan - but I always check in on Team Small Dog. Do you have a Black Beauty update? Did her new home work out?

team small dog said...

I will have to do an official Black Beauty update. Black Beauty could not be happier. And she comes to work still almost every day for a few hours and comes running to see me when I scream "Booty Booty Booty!!!" She rides in the front seat of her truck on a special blanket, goes EVERYWHERE with her new wonderful person, goes to The Hunt, and takes walks in the forest, not the same forest we go to but the one across town. And she has like 5 new jackets.

Jen Lindsay said...

Good! I'm glad BB found the perfect home.

some random female said...

I'm glad that you've been reassured about your readership!

I've been introspecting on your introspective stuff without commenting due to having accidentally hit the dimmer switch on my general intellect and cleverness.

Bummer that.

I'm stuck on the dogma: opiate of the masses... heart of the heartless... soul of the soulless. Dogma is my new word for a religion based on doggy-ness.

See what I mean about being dim? There is something profound there, if only I can catch hold of it.