This is sort of like a book review except nothing ends up getting reviewed.

It's overwhelming, the amount of dog books that are displayed on bookshop shelves right now. I was wandering aimlessly around in the book store, being the completely suckass Christmas shopper that I am, and a book with a wide angle lens dog shot on the cover catches my eye. I like other things besides dogs. Taxidermied squirrels in Octoberfest costumes. Impeccably groomed hunters in raised bridles. Kurt Cobain in a stripey sweater surrounded by moldy, vintage Santa dolls. Those are things that would catch my eye on bookcovers too. But I always notice dog books. They were everywhere. Breeding like the labradoodles who have badly spray painted For Sale for Christmas signs all around right now. Apparently all these people write books about dogs and maybe because of the Marley book, they got published? Some of them, by already famous writers, who love their dogs and wrote a memoir. Some, not so famous but maybe with a special angle.

I used to read lots and lots of books. All the time. Then the words got blurry and I stopped reading because of that. Then I got glasses. Which helped. But also one problem was I kept ending up with books I didn't like. Of all those heaps of books that get published, seems like buckets of them are not to my liking. Picky that way. Or maybe my friends that pass their books on to me have different taste. Some too mystery. Some too high end literary. Some too self helpy. Some too chick litty. Too sci fi. I read a lot of first sections of books and toss 'em. Always looking for something that I can't find. Like I like the idea or the plot, but hate the way it's written. I like the way it's written, but don't like a character. Like the way the words sound but don't get it. Sort of like the book but hate the jacket design or the way the interior type is leaded. Too hard. Too easy. Too much snow describing in the first paragraph. I know. I'm super picky. It's hard to be me.

Tried to read some dog books. Usually get really weepy somewhere. Hate that. I'll tell you how most of them almost end. Spoiler coming right now. The dog dies. And then there's some writing after that and probably a new dog that needed a good home and it's not horribly sad when all said and done. Or might be kind of navel gazey. Hate that. Pot calling a kettle black but never said I wasn't a hypocrite, just have a hard time finding a book I like. I'll navel gaze on and on about my special relationship with Otterpop except my navel gazing might be more like I am shooting a squirter bottle with perfect aim at that tubby thing barking at me from the couch across the room. Kabam. Gotcha. Take that, barker. Navel gaze away. Maybe if I had unlimited funds and could buy all the ones that catch my eye. But don't really buy books anymore, sorry economy. Not stimulating you at the moment.

So, if you happen to have just read a book that has sort of a Jonathan Franzen or Dave Eggers vibe to it, and is about dogs or tattooing or the history of Disneyland or rockstars or global warming or Los Angeles heiresses and maybe even has hand drawn pictures and it could be a novel or it could be non fiction and have really impeccable jacket design that probably incorporates some old timey type and really fabulous typography inside, maybe you pack it up and send it to me when you're done? I keep working on writing these, but it's even harder to write a whole book than read one so you can imagine how far I get with that.