07 December 2008

In this episode, the Team visits a Christmas party, although they stay in the car the whole time.

So first Christmas party of the Christmas season happened last night. Ho ho ho and all that. Different than the Christmas parties from back in the day. No one injured, or dragged out, no screaming that I noticed. No shady activity happening in dark nooks. No police involved, no one crashed through anything. In a well lit, spacious home with a tv the size of a refrigerator and shiny brass chandelier, school pictures of kids in the hallway and a bathroom with soap, at the top of a sweeping canyon. Instead of a dark warehouse on Valencia Street with stuff dragged in out of dumpsters for furniture. People in patterny sweaters with some of those patterns being Christmas trees, and one very sweet white haired man whipped out a trombone to play a Christmas song. To go along with a desert you light up with a match and watch burn. On purpose. With 19th century singing. A lot of talk about dogs and putting on dog shows. Better dog shows and even more dog shows.

Had the same kind of gift exchange though, the staple of all Christmas parties, where you can steal the present someone else gets and everyone keeps stealing because that's what Chrstimas is all about. Getting the best present at all costs. Used to start fistfights, back in the day. Because in a party full of drunk artists, everyone wanted the art presents. For the future potential and the immediate wall satisfaction. This party, most precious item seemed to be a stuffed border collie. And a plushie quail that makes real bird sounds. A lot of presents involving giant pig femurs and braided pieces of colorful polarfleece. Someone (Hi Mary!) did commission an original Team Small Dog drawing by yo to give as her gift. To be a refrigerator magnet. I've never made refrigerator magnet art, so did a festive, agility themed drawing of the team in a tire, used her requested copy, and dressed it up like a fancy tattoo flash. With cross hatching. And flourishy Latino scriptface. Not just refrgerator art when finished, hell, you could tattoo it on your ass, if you were so inclined. Or just stick on refrigerator. Laura Hartwick drawing for your refrigerator? Right!

So at the old Christmas parties, I do believe a minor brawl could have broke out over getting a pen drawing. A major brawl over a cast cement item or painting. Even if some little thing knocked out in the hour when you're already late for the party. Which is going to go on til 3am so doesn't really matter how late you get there. Any brawl break out over my commissioned drawing? Anyone try to steal it and end up with stitches? Let's just say I am pretty sure the new owner thought that the value in her gift in the large magnet on the back of the little frame. Likely will end up on her refrigerator with the drawing somewhere in the trash. Maybe recycled for writing down phone numbers of guys coming over to kill your rats. Or trim your hedges. Then tossed after they do a bad job and kill the hedges and trim the rats.

Was OK though. Nice to be at a party where you don't have to sleep on some coats in a corner on a sticky floor because you, uh, fall asleep on some coats in a corner on a sticky floor. Nice to have a cup of coffee and talk something about dog this or dog that and then go out and visit some dogs locked in the car for like all day, and everyone drive home safe and sound by 9pm. And guess who owns a new plushie quail and super big dog chewing bone that already proving extremely popular? Just saying. You never quite know where you're gonna end up in life. Sometimes things and places take you little bit by surprise. But when you think about it, maybe driving a long drive home listening to Christmas music in the ipod, this kind of Christmas party, pretty darn cool. Hella fun. Except maybe for the plushie quail, who lost eyes and beak within minutes but still has the quail soundbox still intact. For now.


Elf said...

Who'd have thought the super gigantic teeth-cleaning dog chew toy would be popular with the Smalls of Team Small Dog? The original TSD art was very cool, however.

team small dog said...

They may be little but their teeth are mighty.

Anonymous said...

Refrigerator Art Rescue.

Someone may have traded a nice flying squirrel toy for the refrigerator art.

Speaking of tattoo flash for asses. I've never wanted a tattoo, but now I do: I b'lieve I'll save up my next pennies to commission a "Leash My Ass" tattoo flash. I want lots of those little dots involved, somehow, though.

I could live with such a tattoo on my ass long-term. Just think: If I ever date again, a dating aid! If I am ever arrested at Lighthouse Field, handy mooning aid! Just imagine me in the nursing home when the nurses roll me over to change my diapers!

Anonymous said...

After I read Team Small Dog Blog, I read the New York Times online. Looky here:

New Rule Lifts Ban on Firearms in National Parks
Published: December 6, 2008

Unleashed dogs are too dangerous in state parks, but concealed weapons? No problem!

Anonymous said...

Mary: Apparently CA is one of the two states in the union that does NOT permit concealed firearms in parks, which the new federal policy does not change (state's rights and all), so that leaves unleashed dogs as the only true menace to the California park-visiting citizenry.

TSD: If you were Real Dogs (as opposed to Girly Dogs) you would have extracted all the quail innards via the beak hole by now. Get cracking.

team small dog said...

Yep, innards currently extracted. Sorry, plushie quail. We did so love thee.