23 October 2008

Thank God Otterpop Cannot Run for President.


Otterpop's Campaign Slogans:

Otterpop for No Change
Change is bad. Otterpop.
Otterpop Hate Change.
Stop it Now. Say Otterpop.
I am the King. Obey Me or Else.

Do we have a weird gun toting liberatarian candidate running this year? Maybe with weird hair that talks a little too loud and is supported by the NRA? Actually maybe running on more of a dictatorship ticket? Planning a coup? Because if we do, that's Otterpop's candidate. And she lives in an Obama house. Me and Gary, we are so for Obama. If we were bumperstickery types, ours would say Obama. Ruby? Totally for Obama. She's smart. Black Beauty? As a political analyst, she should be impartial but we think she was freaked out by Sarah Palin and she had only lived here for like a week when I made her watch the vice presidential debate. What a shocking way to enter the world of living inside a house. Gustavo? Um, who supports medical marijuana? Anyone? He likes Obama. No way does he like McCain. But he actually might not understand that it's an election year right now. Duuuuude.

Otterpop likes her world consistent and the same and nothing in it that is not to her liking. She likes to make rules. No ONE CAN BARK AT THE CAT GUSTAVO AND I WILL BITE YOUR HEAD IF YOU BARK AT THE CAT. If Otterpop could type, would always be in allcaps. Can anyone say UNIBOMBER MANIFESTO? Usually she is harmless about all this and perhaps annoying and life goes on and we just laugh at her and then throw the tennis ball.

However.

In the spirit of Change is Bad, we made a change to the household which was the addition of one chihuahua. AKA Black Beauty but frequently known around here as The Chihuahua. Like some crazy thing, adding a 10lb dog in a household of 15lb dogs. Nutty! Insane! And she is even black and looks exactly like them basically but somewhat smaller. Like they're not chihuahuas. They could be. Maybe. Anyways.

We added a dog. After the big change of we lost a dog, our beloved Timmy Best Dog. She got weird when we lost a dog. Had a little personality bauble when Timmy became a ghost dog, and when his body still walked around here but his mind checked out. Became meaner for a time, and meaner always means meaner to Ruby. You see her give her the stink eye, and watch Ruby move to a new dog bed, or chair, or what have you. Some tussles here and there, but mostly just sort of personality shift. Not a dog fight.

This time though. Added a change to the change. Took Little Miss I Have Separation Issues and locked her in a horse trailer for a couple hours last week and freaked her out. When the freak out ended, just like how you always hurt the one you love, started actual dog fight with Ruby. Had to pull them apart. Separate them. Freaked me out BIG TIME. I do not have dogs that have dog fights. Her heart was racing a hundred miles and hour and shaking and just wanted to get Ruby. Locked her in a crate, kept her on a leash, made her sit with Ruby and receive treats only for being near Ruby and doing tricks with Ruby after she settled down later in the evening and they were best friends by the next morning.

And things better. Otterpop seemed a little more manic playing at the beach, a little rough with everyone, a little extra jacked up. But no more mean to Ruby. Until last night at Dirt Nite, I did something different. Made a change. Pulled Ruby out by herself and let her run a few runs earlier in the evening, just for something new. CHANGE! And not fair. Otterpop big on fair. So that night, Otterpop sees Ruby and decides once again, I MUST GET RUBY. Didn't let a dog fight start, but I think it could have. That was Otterpop's plan. Separated them, made Otterpop sit in the car. Alone. Not fair. But I was mad and freaked out. By the time we got home, everyone seemed fine but still did my thing of Otterpop on a leash, made her sit with Ruby and get treats for sitting nicely, touching her with her nose then looking at me then at her then at me then getting treats. Watching her like a hawk for signs of weird and unstable. This morning, Otterpop seems weirded out, but not crazyland like last night. Everyone friends again.

So yeah. These are the inseperable sisters. Never apart. Live in crate together. Sit together. Sleep together. Unhealthy relationship? Beginning to wonder. Otterpop like total wife beater tank top wearing wife beater? Bully? Horrible little man with an inferiority complex? Insecure? You always hurt the one you love? And then she sees her candidate going down the toilet and we are all, Obama! We love Obama! We love The Chihuahua! Ruby is so beautiful! Gustavo is the weave pole weaving super star running masters courses at Dirt Nite! And Otterpop just gets meaner and meaner and glowering and holding it in until KABLAMMO! And Poor Ruby.

Do we have to give up the Chihuahua so Otterpop does Not Have Change? Change happens. Obama should be winning. She'll have to get over it. Shouldn't an 8 year old dog and a nearly 5 year old dog who have been inseparable sisters for going on 4 years be over to work things out? Is this where I take them to a shrink? Cesar? Let's try not to freak me out here, my friends.

2 comments:

Sarah said...

When the times are a-changin', the Queen of the Mountain stands the most to lose. Perhaps Otterpop needs to know that even though her mountain top might be getting a bit shorter, she's not going to lose the things that are most important to her (agility, frisbee, attention from the Captain)? Perhaps she needs a her own economic stimulus plan, to tide her over from the recession she is experiencing?

I vote no on Cesar. Can't imagine Otterpop ever saying "yes" to the sit-down-and-shut-up routine. Since tolerating change is a lot of work for her, maybe she would benefit from some well-timed paychecks?

Just a thought, Captain.

team small dog said...

OK, These are dog training words I understand!

Yes, I think she has to be paid better but perhaps be asked to do somewhat more at work for it. And let her sit in my lap more than the Chihuahua. Because what is Fair in Otterpop's mind is she makes more than $250,000/year and also does not have to pay any taxes. And let her think that the other dogs actually make minimum wage and they also pay her taxes. And when Otterpop believes that, life is happy.

Maybe the problem is the Chihuahua revealed some political realities in the household and Otterpop's mind blown but if we go back to her dream of a monarchy/fascist regime, life becomes cheerful and normal again for everyone.