08 September 2008

Hola Cesar. Let's just ask the Dog Whisperer.


Dear Cesar Milan,


So last night, we got on our cruisers to ride over to the loud place where cute tattoo'ed 20 year olds serve you beer and fries for dinner and you can play pool. It's dark in there. Bring your reading glasses if you go, Cesar. Or just ask them what beers are on tap and pretty much all you can get is fries so just get that. It's a good dinner for a Saturday night.


So as we are riding our bikes down the driveway, the howling starts in the house. Goddamn howling. I am pretty sure it's Otterpop that starts it, but as soon as she starts, there goes everyone. So from my driveway, I can hear house howling.

So I fling my bike down on the cement and march back in the house and holler, "GODDAMNIT DOGS. KNOCK IT OFF. I AM SERIOUS." That usually does the trick. I use Really Mad Voice. And I stomp back outside. I sort of crouch down in the dark driveway, listening. All silent. The radio is on, it's a funk show. Nice and loud. No howling.


Sort of meander outside for a bit, listening. Will they start it up again? Or are we safe to get our beer. It is late. We're hungry and thirsty for beer and fries dinner. Seems like staying quiet. Off we go.

Fast forward, driving bikes home. Safety tip, use a bike light! Especially if you are drunk. What do we hear as we are pulling up to our house?


GODDAMN HOWLING. Augh! Yes, there is some funky George Clinton on the radio too but all the windows are open due to the creepy Indian Summer weather and for us and the neighbors to enjoy, is the howling. Sounding like coming from the bedroom where normal dogs would just be sleeping in the dark, enjoying the nap time. But Team Small Dog prefers to sit around and howl.


Cesar, how do I stop Team Small Dog from howling when we're not home?

Love, Laura

8 comments:

Sarah said...

Captain,

Don't you know? The answer to your problem is def a round of bark collars! Possibly equivalent to 2 buckets of $$$. And possibly several more buckets of $$$$, depending on if the dogs need psychiatric help after bark collar treatment. But bark collars work for dogs on tv, so that's probably what Cesar would say.

Simba said...

BOL!!! I ran into that issue a bit too..more barking than howling...

D.A.P helped (dog appeasing pheremone) and frozen Kongs stuffed with goodies and peanut butter. and going for a good run before I go out..to tire him out.

Melissa

team small dog said...

All right Cesars. I will tell you this for more clues.

They only do this on weird random occassions. Usually good dogs.

I tire them out A LOT. They run hard twice a day. In good shape, these dogs. They should be tired and sleeping.

Wow would hate to think of them all sitting there wearing collars with expensive bug spray smelling stuff shooting in their noses on first howl. That's what they do for the TV dogs? Then send them to therapists? So Hollywood.

Have never heard of using Pheremones to appease dogs. Howling maybe because they are not appeased enough?

Yeah, usually don't leave them with snacky treats because get concerned mayehem could occur over someone having BETTER snacky treat so would have to lock em in crates for more pesonal eating of snacky treats. I think if they start howling every single time I want to go drinking on my bike then that's what they might have to do, go sit in a crate with a nice snacky treat and not next to each other so as to decide to do group howling.

Thanks Cesars!

alaska said...

Kongs in krates is so old skool.

First, you get you a crackberry. Then you get a webcam. Lots of cheap ones available. Point it at favorite TSD sleeping/howling spot.
Rig up your computer to somehow yell at the dogs, like put your voice in it somewhere.

Now, whenever it is someone else's turn to shoot (pool, you know), just pull out your annoying thingamajigger, see whether there is any howling going on that needs to be stopped, and if so tell that computer to yell really loud at the dogs.

Oughta work, no?

BTW, the only thing I do differently from you is stay on the outside of the house where they can't see me and tell 'em to pipe down from there. At least that way howling is not rewarded by getting a visit from moi. And I never enter the house until all is quiet.

Pretty sure the real Cesar would have a different idea though....

team small dog said...

Aha a new high tech Cesar idea! I think once a long time ago we tried to invent this idea. It involved teaching Timmy how to type. I think was Art Project-Karl are you reading this?

I think maybe we got hung up on the part where Timmy could not type very well. His special keyboard had 3 giant keys. But that was so dogs could answer back the yelling from inside the computer. Yes, Team Small Dog doesn't need to learn to type, just hear the computer yelling at them.

A fine idea! Just have to make the voice go in the computer now...uh...maybe just yell at howlers from driveway next time?

Romilda Gareth said...

Thanks

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