27 August 2008

Team Small Dog Courtroom Drama-Part 1


So today starts the exciting and dramatic story I like to call Courtroom Drama. Because you know I've already proven myself to be a drama queen. And today, August 26, coincidentally Day 2 of the Democratic National Convention that I am supposed to be covering for my friend Jon's art project, yet haven't due to working on my legal briefs or panties or whatever, is the day I have to go to Court for my Minor Violation of walking my dogs in Lighthouse Field.

If you are new to all this, Hi! and check here for how we got to this section of the story. It started in y2K when someone decided they didn't like dogs meandering around out there. It's a really long story.


So first of all, I needed to select a good costume for court wearing. I wanted to channel sort of a soccer mom, like Nancy Botwin. Wait. She is a criminal. That's where the denim jacket idea came from. It says, upstanding citizen and not very fashion forward and maybe I drive a mini van? Dog agility lady? I think? Well, whatever. I thought I was nicer dressed than thug guy in line in front of me at least. But I get ahead of myself.


Do you recognize this Court? It is also known as scenic and glamorous site of my wedding! Right across the street from the dry cleaners.


Team Small Dog, minus dogs, parks here.


The Midget Mobile, covered in INSANE TROLLS parks next to us.


Guys, I am serious. Insane trolls cover the Midget Mobile in the parking lot of the Santa Cruz County Court Building.


Where they also have Wi-Fi.


But no pets. Doesn't that pet look familiar? It's totally Gustavo! Being a law abiding Nancy Botwin of a citizen, did not bring dogs in. Or a camera. I was ready to sketch. Because that is what you do in the courtroom. I brought a pen and some pieces of paper. Old school.


So I go to the basement. Where Traffic/Minor Violations Court is. There's not even a metal detector, but it does say NO GUNS OR KNIVES on the sign. Walking around with my dogs in the park is a Minor Violation, according to the State. I am proud to say didn't even cross my mind to bring a gun or knife. I just like to walk my dogs is all. Sheesh.


Stand in line. There's a nice lady in a striped shirt at a ticket window, like you would go to buy your ticket to the circus. She has the computer back there. A very old computer, the kind with a black window and bright green light up words in it. What was it's name? Dos? Unix? Poor striped shirt lady works in a dark basement with a plastic vine on her gray cube wall and even though out front they rave about their Wi-Fi, she just has Dos for a friend. And no pets.

I gave her my ticket, with my Court Date right there at the bottom. She types it in.

It's not there! Whoa! Can you say Midget Mobile? She says sometimes it just takes a while. I'm like, "But it said I had to come in Today or I'd get a warrant? And then they don't even put me in there?"

She's like, "Yeah."

I'm kind of like, just standing there. It is sort of an anticlimactic feeling. I stayed up super late writing my little speech of why I was pleading Not Guilty using most excellent words and needed a Real Court Date to go in the no guns or knives room, and this blonde lady in a striped t-shirt says I'm just not in there yet.

She takes a pen, the old fashioned thing people used to write with, grabs my ticket, and writes down 9-11-2008 on it. "Check back then. You should be in. You should get a letter too."

OK. Are you serious? Send Team Small Dog in on September 11? Can you say Midget Mobile AGAIN? Stay tuned for more Courtroom Drama coming at you sometime after September 11. Coincidence? I think not.

5 comments:

Mary Schultz said...

TSM signs ARE portending. You are right. That IS Gustavo on the sign. And you WERE married there. And your ticket WAS lost in DOs. And Hurricane Gustav MAY hit New Orleans. Again. Maybe this weekend, just two weekends away from September 11 and your new court date. You have me completely freaked out. This could all portend good OR bad. You need a fortune teller tea leaf reader! I think you perhaps should try to find the Midget Mobile. See if a troll-like lady is driving it. This could be a clever gypsy disguise. Ask her about the portentous signs. Meanwhile, perhaps stay at home with the door locked? Or buy a lottery ticket?

Elf said...

I don't much like Sept 11. My friend Betty died very unexpectedly Sept 11 2000 at the age of 42. In her honor, they crashed some planes into the WTC the next year on the anniversary of her death. She was an artist, too, and in some ways very much like TSD. We used to say that she had a randomizer for a brain. Playing Pictionary with her was like trying to predict what TSD will write about in their blog, or maybe trying to boil down one of those blog entries into a single word that is the essence of the post. And she was into heads of deceased animals (it was very weird, packing up her apartment when she moved--oh, lord, she even had a Dead Things page on her web site along with tons of her artwork) and her personal business logo had wings, except on a goat instead of on a dog--oh wow you need to compare and contrast those logos http://www.flyinggoat.com/-- although in fact she had a dog (not a goat) and they liked to walk together on the beach because she lived out on the coast in a house whose colors she picked out and they painted. I don't know about different colored carpet squares, though. I'm scaring myself now. I think Mary is giving you very sound advice. And watch out for trolls.

alaska said...

NAKED trolls...they were NAKED trolls.

Oh man, the suspense is just going to kill me. Then again, I predict there will be further unanticipated developments.

In the meantime, it's back to the weave poles, eh?

team small dog said...

Yes, see you guys all get it. It is dangerous times here for us. So yeah. We will just practice weave poles in the safety of the driveway and try to keep an eye peeled for more signs.

Simba said...

very eerie....and that car..totally disturbing!

your drawings and photoshop enhancement remind me of that old Aha video!

melissa