18 August 2008

Masters Gambler Seminar with Rob Michalski. Sorry Rob!

This weekend, we went to a seminar. By Rob. Who is one of my agility teachers. And my agility pal. And who happens to own Hobbes, rockstar coolness my favorite border collie in the universe and big huge super gambler's champ.

As opposed to Team Small Dog. Who collectively posesses exactly 3 Master's Gamblers Q's. My non agility friends, we need these Q's to get our ADCh or else we end up with sad, unfulfilled lives, passed out on the floor of the Chelsea Hotel with the police on our way and not sure who's blood that was all over the place and it's not a nice ending to the story. So we need all the help we can get. Rob said he would try to help us, but it was also possible we were beyond help. Like our problems may involve a voodoo curse and could take intervention of zombies to get it off of us. We thought we would go to the seminar anyways. Curse or no curse, we are determined to muddle through and get those gambler's Q's.

Also, it was the super fun wedding of one of my oldest and bestest friends and I was the official Wedding Photographer. Many dogs were invited to the wedding, yet curiously, not Team Small Dog. We were happy the wedding went off without a hitch and no small animals were eaten there, nor any food stolen off the buffet line, no barking at of guests, drinks toppled and no wedding cakes invaded by dog fiasco. Was very smart to not invite Team Small Dog! Although, perhaps not coincidentally to our good fortune in Master's Gamblers, I did manage to kill my dad's camera AFTER the wedding, although I did save all the wedding photos! The camera will have to go to the hospital, a fact of which we mourn. Is sort of like knocking the bar after getting the super hard gamble, my agility friends. A heartbreaking ending to a moment of bliss.

Here are some things we learned this weekend:

It is challenging to go to a Master's Gambler's Seminar after a wedding that contained much wild dancing and perhaps some bottles of wine. Sort of like it was challenging to go straight to the wedding after getting up super early to go to work. After a rehersal dinner/bachelorette party that contained perhaps some bottles of wine. Was sort of that type of weekend.

Since the camera is in the ambulance currently, en route to the camera doctor, we will have to use wedding photos taken with my camera from the grassy knoll after I went off duty as Official Photographer to illustrate important points from the Master's Gambler's Seminar. Um, to Rob's defense, I should emphasize here that I am PARAPHRASING what Rob said here and he would tell you these things somewhat different. Really different. Rob uses the Scientific Method of Dog Training and he has Hobbes, and I use the Team Small Dog method and I have a hangover.

Consitency, consitency, consitency. If it smells like a pinwheel, your dog should get it that there's a pinwheel. Use your Dumbo Ride arm and get your dog out there. But make sure it really does smell like a pinwheel and you are not violating the Law of the Refusal Line. Discrimination? Arm out or shoulder in. Deal with your Refusal Lines and Discriminations, people, to figure out how best to do your gamble.

Consitency, consitency, consitency. Footwork. OK, you were pointing to the right place, pushing perpendicular to your dog's path, not the obstacle. Still didn't go out to the tunnel? Where were your feet pointing? Did you accessorize the bottom of your outfit to the top of your outfit so the whole outfit says tunnel, not just your blouse? Shoes matter!

Otterpop is not retarded, she can do the hard gambles as soon as everyone is NOT LOOKING and has gone to sit at the far end of the field and I have proof from Mary who secretly watched out of the corner of her eye. Otterpop was the one that got the dogwalk gamble first! Good god, someone help me remove this zombie curse.


Anonymous said...

Yes, I can verify that Otterpop runs fast and does hard gambles perfectly so long as she believes that no one but Laura (or sheep) are watching her. Laura and I, however, have different theories as to why Otterpop slows down and becomes retarded-seeming in public situations: Laura believes that it is because Otterpop does not like being watched. Could be. After observing her carefully this weekend, however, my belief is that Otterpop is actually slowing down because *Otterpop* is watching all of *us*. I base this theory on two things. #1 is that when Ariel starts to jump happily into the nice little nest that Laura has made for her in the car because we are all about ride-sharing in the greater Santa Cruz area (thanks Deb and Laura and Michelle for all my rides with you!), well, mid-air, Ariel reverses direction because Otterpop vibes her (from her crate in which she imprisoned and cannot actually do Ariel harm, a point I try to make to Ariel). We all are familiar with this top dog silent vibing thing I am sure.

#2 is based on this observed Otterpop commitment to being the the boss of everyone around at all times and so she has to be hyper-alert and keep track of all living creatures within about a 20 foot radius of her so that she can send out appropriate vibes to anyone who does anything like wear an offensive hat (sorry Rob).

So, my theory is that Otterpop does not care that everyone is watching *her*, the problem is that *Otterpop* is watching everyone and Otterpop does not have sufficient RAM to keep track of everyone and send appropriate vibes to each creature that may be doing something not to her top dog liking AT THE SAME TIME AS running fast and doing hard gambles.

I think my theory is right because the first symptom is that Otterpop just slows down, overall, a little. (Think about having Dreamweaver, Filemaker Pro, Thunderbird and Photoshop all open at the same time.) But if there are two many creatures to keep track of (especially if wearing unacceptable hats), then think of all those applications open and then you decide to download the Project Runway episode you missed on Azureus. That's when Otterpop suddenly can't get a simple gamble.

So, Laura. You need to install more RAM in Otterpop.

It's okay. You don't have to thank me for providing you with this most excellent analysis and solution to Otterpop's problem.

team small dog said...

That might be an even harder problem to fix than getting the voodoo curse removed.